I've roamed around curezone for quite some time and finally decided it was time to partake!
I'll make this as short as possible while still getting all facts out there. My husband and I are in our early 30's, married for 10 years, together for 11. He purposed to me live on air, used to que up love songs on audio cassettes in my car so it would begin playing when I started it to head off for work. Quite the romantic one he was.
Within 4 years into our relationship things changed, drastically. No more romance. Surprise, surprise! Knowing this is such a common occurrence in relationships I decided we had to make it work. One of the absolute biggest obstacles was the internet pornography that he was apparently addicted to. He and I had common toys, watched a x rated movie together once in a while and had sex at least 3 nights a week. I've dealt with this for so many years. You can only imagine how much research I've done. It's an addiction, it's not my fault, he must seek counseling.
We did seek counseling and as soon as the counselor put it to him straight he refused to go back. Counseling does not help if you are forced to go. I continued to go for a while.
After a million desparate pleas and 2 ultimatums (yes, 2-my bad) I believe the porn has stopped. I have stealth monitoring (he does not know) on all of our computers (except his work computer of course). 3-4 times a month he does click on a sexy picture of some sort, but doesn't visit the picture long. As if porn wasn't bad enough we do not have an emotional relationship at all. We get along and it took us years to figure that part out. Now I just live my life with my 7 year old son and 15 year old daughter and he does his own thing. He works full time. We both have very good paying careers. The catch is, his dream is to farm therefore he farms in every moment of his spare time. I support him for the most part, but I am very alone and sad. We do not make memories as a family. When we do get together as a family there's usually too much arguing to have a good time.
I gave birth to my daughter when I was 15. Her dad and I married and he committed suicide when she was 2. She's been through extensive counseling, but I'm afraid my current husband has scarred her for life. They've had a horrible relationship - horrible. She despises him and I hurt over being torn between the two of them all these years. I'm very close to both of my kids.
The rural home we live in is in the trust of his Grandfather. We cannot sell, or ever move for that matter. My husband has neglected so many essential repairs in the home I am dumbfounded. He's so busy working in the field and on tractors! There are things in our home that have been neglected for nearly 5 years (magnifying the problem). I am a very independent woman. I do many of these things myself, but some things I just do not (replacing subfloors). I have told him (written) we can't really talk about things, never have, all of my feelings about this house becoming a money pit and me being soley responsible for all of the usual housework and repairs. I do not get much of a response. He knew 2 years ago I was seriously considering leaving due to his unresponsiveness on these issues.
It boils down to this. I love my husband. I want this to last. I truly do. I just feel so hopeless. We've tried and tried over these 10 years. What next? My father in law came home to an empty house when my husband was 10. His mom left his dad after 20 years. He fears it. He doesn't believe in divorce. His father was the very same person my husband is today. I know, I know. I don't want to wake up in 10 more years and realize I should have left much earlier. I do not want to have regrets. I want to live, live, live!!! My kids and I recently went parasailing and snorkeling!! These are the days worth living. I do not want to hurt my husband but I long for a much more adventurous life that I'm afraid isn't going to happen with him. Any advice is so greatly appreciated. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Ciao.