Hi Everyone, I have kind of been a bit bummed out lately...I know it's supposed to be only food, and funny I have been chosing not to touch gluten for so long...but I am kind of sad...when I smell pizza, or food that I CAN NOT eat anymore...
Even in my social life...I don't know anyone out here in BC yet, and I've been asked to attend a girls day, at a co workers home, and then it dawned on everyone including myself,...oh what will you beable to eat? I was like oh don't worry, bring my own food...I felt like such a burdun, I feel frustrated, that SO MANY FOODS contain Gluten...that my intestines are so damaged that even cross contamination could cause more issues, and result me being hospitalized...where they will cause even more damage...I feel so angry at the medical system for pumping my body with drugs as a baby, till teenage hood...I feel so angry at myself for being so afraid of authoritive power, even though I can see who they really are, I allow society, the western medical intustry AND MYSELF put them above me on the heirarchy scale...I know better, yet I still feel the fear...I still feel bad, about going to a naturopath behind my doctors back, and not taking my prescriiption, but take natural meds, ---one of the research assignments I did in college was -why women recieve the worst health care...and my most challenging research assignmetn, was regarding psychiatry as a form of social control over women(which I never did complete..). I have no idea why I was so passionate about these issues at that time in my life...and now...here I am facing challenges, with taking my own body, and health in my own hands, and realizing how taboo and radical this seems to averarge people...and in a way I want to remember this...to avoid being vulnerable infront of people, such as my own family...
in another sense, medical
Science has given me an answer to so many problems I have faced my entire life...the people who once questioned my truth, of the pain I felt when I ate...the trips to the emergency, to have some doctor tell my father it's just indigestion....or as I got older, that I was making excuses to skip classes...or that it was only in my head, as a doctor once explained to me, it's not pain you are feeling, it's guilt because you feel guilty when you eat, and so what you REALLY want is to lose weight this is common for young women your age....and so I stopped talking...and just accepted that pain came along with eating foods.
Now here I did a water fast...my first fast, and I cleared another issue I lived with for too long, Candida, from my body, and watched my body go through such AMAZING changes, stubborn rashes cleard, hair stopped falling, body took on a differnt form, I realized, though i was tired, I was able to see with my own eyes, and feel with my body, mind and spirit, how Powerful, and beautiful, and AMAZING my body really is, OUR BODIES ARE, and how easy it was, in comparison to what I have gone through in my life...and yet...I still feel silenced as though if I share this information, I will be labled, or questioned about my own sanity...as I was when I complained about my stomach and tried to eat gentle foods, I was labeled a chronic dieter, weight obsessed, ect. simply for wanting to heal my body,.
Now with this new discovery, I am grateful, as much as I am upset...I am grateful, because I can see I really was not a hypocondriach(however you spell this), But why did I Need a doctor to confirm to me that I was not crazy? And why do I feel like the stigma, of my CHRONIC dieting, has not left me...as this proof has proved to my family okay she was telling the truth all this time...she really was feeling sick, yet...they still question my intuition, my choices, my stegnth? And even worse, why do I need this validation, from my doctor, naturopath, friends, fmily?
This short
Water Fast I recently did, proved alot to me...I learned so much about my body...from this, my naturopath refused to see me till my doctor took my blood to see if i was deficient...which i was not...but he found other issues NOT RELATED to the water fast...so now I know...I have Celiac, and H.pylori infection both attacking my small intestines...and soon Iwill go confirm the damage-how much I have, with a biopsy..IN AUGUST!!! I wonder if I should wait till after the Biopsy, and then do the fast...to have proof...of how much healing can be done from fasting...at the same time...I don't want to wait...I want to just fast...I have a few things to think about before my trip to see my family next week...I am on naturopathic meds right now...they are helping with alot already...including my BM's. I am going to do some short fasts...as I will do a three day fast this weekend...and then eat fruits and vegs for 3 days...then leave for T.O. I want to be strong when I go...
BElla if you are reading this,,, Thank you for your kind words, My credit is so bad also...and I am 33...I also have a child he is eleven...I gave him up three years ago..to live with his father...I hoped that I could pull my life togethre by now...and I wanted him to live in a home where he would know he wouldnt have to change schools AGAIN, and there would be not problems with our little bachalor apartmemts...it's something I am still I think I have finally come to terms with a couple of months ago...I know he is in a good place...and I see him in the summer, and christmas..and when I make more money I will see him more often...he is the one I really am going to see in Toronto-amongst the chaos of people in my family..who love me...but just don't support me. So thank you for your support..this forum is really all I have when It comes to a big part of my physical life- MY BODY and healing! and yet naturopaths are afraid to support water fasting...with reason with this bill up in the air...Doctors, well they are quite brain washed by "BIG PHARMA" right Chris?;) And even though these retreats and supports are cheap in comparison to what our bodies are worth...there is still a class issue that is quite evident when it comes to HEALTH...and in Canada, since we have free health care, as u do in the UK, Natural Health care....is still a privelige that the lower class, or working class do not and can not afford, or enjoy liberally....I am seeing a school of naturo paths, and they are wonderful...but basically, I have just comprimised my rent...as well...they seem undecided about monitoring me...as the supervisor there, was on his last day, and basically it will be up to the next supervisor if they will support me or not...
I am not sure I can afford it anyways...
Basically, it comes down to these forums, the support website, and research, and Intuition...I suppose this is going to be a very big learning experience for me...
Because I am going to do a long fast, when the time is right...I have not decided just yet...I will have to document myself...buy a scale...and do alot of research on the body...This is my practice to be a healer...on myself.
I just think it's very sad, and unfortunate that things have to be done this way...however I just want to say thank you so much for everyones support...I really needed it, especially now...I am just going through a new transition, and sometimes these take time to adjust to.
Sky