In the past, I made the terrible mistake of trying to get my girlfriend to be with a man that was "good on paper". She didn't really love him, but she liked him a lot. So, from my advice, she stayed with the poor guy. Well, it took about 5 months, and then ended badly. So........
Then she went on to have a quite a few other relationships as well as dates. When she was 35, she met this guy, who really gave her the rush. He was gorgeous, cultured, fun, sexy, extremely intelligent......the big problem? He was 15 years younger...and was in the country on a work visa. She resisted him with all her might. He was to young, he was not employed, he was only in the country temporarily...why was he interested in a woman so much older? Of course, as she was overcome by his attention, and fell into the relationship, these questions were being asked constantly....especially by her well meaning girlfriends....all of whom were suspicious.
2 years later, as the work visa runs out, she ends up having a quickie marriage to keep him here. I stood up with her at the alter. I had come to love this man, and amazed at his love and loyalty to my best friend. All the other girlfriends who had not be around them very much were horrified.
They now live in Europe. It's been 15 years. He loves her, and she loves him. They don't have tons of money, and it was too late for them to have kids, but their relationship is going to go the long haul.
So, the moral to this story is.
Your heart knows real love.
A man that is "good on paper" will not last You can't force that and it isn't fair to the man.
Please, beware the man who exhibits the same tendencies as your ex husband. Take your time until you find that perfect person that you cannot live without. That will be a keeper, and no matter what, you will work it all out.
But right now, the most important man in your life is your son. And above all, you must eventually pick a man that will enthusiastically love him as much as he loves you.
My 2 cents....Molly