If I may, Sparque, I'd like to add a response to your first post..."In over my head in helping a victim."
This is a suggestion by a rank amateur, who has NO formal training whatsoever...
Could it be that we all also see an event in its entirety? Do we see the whole day, and long before, as a continuum...one that we participate in? Do we take all of what we know about life, people, and particularly ourselves, into consideration as some kind of causal effect of the event itself?
Even while the event is happening, isn't there a part of ourselves, watching, reasoning, and even blaming ourselves for getting into this pickle?
Wouldn't that be why your comment about 'virginity' makes perfect sense to your client? I suspect that she realizes that there was a part of her that was separate from the ordeal.
If a victim is lost in the event itself, 'stuck' there, perhaps the road to recovery would be more difficult. Perhaps they would need to see that separateness, first.
If a victim were able to see their separateness from the event, they may be able to see their separateness from all the circumstances of their lives...that they did not 'cause' any of the events of their lives, although, as mature beings, they may intentionally seek happier experiences in the future.
It seems to me that we all can't really know how any event will turn out, because none of us knows what we don't yet know...but maturity certainly helps as a guide to better experiences.
I think you were brilliant to think of the idea that 'virginity' can't be taken, only given. Exactly! Nothing of value within any person can be taken, only given.
If any of us are still breathing after an experience, we still have our integrity, our ability to carve out our own futures in our own unique way.
And, beyond that, we have imaginations that can reshape our perceptions of any event, past, present, or future.
I once asked a counselor why my dad was so harsh on we children. After all, we were nice little kids. She replied that our dad thought he was supposed to be harsh.
That comment was a turning point in my life. That comment allowed me to see the truth. It separated me from the 'tragedy' of events, allowed forgiveness without rancor, and began the processes of seeing how to comfort the hurt 'child' within...and how to re-imagine the past as satisfactory, okay.
(Comfort the 'child', calm the worried 'parent', even ease the hurt 'body', by putting your arms around yourself, and saying aloud, "There, there...you'll be okay. I'll take care of you." The mature 'adult' one is becoming takes the pressure and responsibility off of the other parts...thereby acknowledging that this is possible! This is hope for the future!)
(As for re-imagining the past...there are lots of ways, I suppose [like surrounding oneself with beautiful pictures], but the easiest I found, by accident, is simply to state, "Let's say you did." I surprised my mother all to heck with that one, when she was imagining how she might have raised her children. Instantly she lit up with her happier ideas of the past. She was 87 years old. I've since done good work on myself with the statement.)
A long time ago I read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross', "On Death and Dying." It was a very uplifting, life-changing report. She concluded that death may be the most beautiful experience that happens to humans. I noticed that this may be the experience of all people, no matter how they had lived their lives.
I've since seen much evidence that anyone may go to complete happiness, contentment, and fulfillment...whole, and in the prime of their lives...and that we all may feel this way at any time while we are alive, too, depending only on our perceptions of ourselves and of our capabilities of creating harmony.
Certainly a babe born in innocence can be corrupted by images and events seen around them, things done to them. But, if changing their perceptions can recreate memory, and lift their hopes for the future...even guiding them to seek simple ways of doing so, is there really any such thing as 'evil'?
'Not yet the highest and best use of a life', of course, but 'evil'?
If any of us can go to perfect love and peace, no matter what, then that's all there is, I figure.
Abusers are simply people 'stuck' in an unhappy mindset.
Wouldn't any of us move heaven and earth to accomplish our fondest hopes, if we thought they were possible, and at any time?
Doesn't perfection sell like hotcakes over grief and unhappiness?
So, how do we prove that perfection exists? ...That anyone may attain it?
What would happen if everyone read "On Death and Dying"? What would happen if we all saw the beauty within everyone, whether or not we choose to associate with them?
I have a sneaky suspicion that the happiest of expectations of all people, are 'catching'. ...That we only need to start with ourselves, to infect the world with hope.
I like Jane Goodall's, "Four Reasons for Hope." Maybe you will, too.