So what is a girl to do when she is facing the common problem with always being attracted to the "bad-boy- %¤#&!§-"??
Before I was with the guys that I spent three years with, who apparently is NPD and, under my diagnosis, bi-polar...I was with a nice guy. The problem was, I could have walked all over him IF I wanted to. I'm sorry, but I just can't respect that. Maybe I just have yet to find the happy medium, but sometimes, honestly, I throw feminism to the curb and decide that I would enjoy feeling like the "inferior sex" every once in a while.
I like to think that I am a very independent person. HOWEVER, that's shown to be untrue. When my boyfriend left last week, not only did I call him back 20 minutes later when I was freaking out about not knowing what to do, but I had to ask him a question about my car the next morning, I don't use the fireplace because he's the one that always set it, I made a lot of my decisions based on what he would think...Perhaps this most recent relationship has made me MORE dependent since he was a control freak and...doing what someone else says is always easier than having to think for oneself. I don't have friends because I don't know how to make any, I always relied on other people I knew to make friends for me, and I never took the initiative to hang out with people. I'm working on that though.
So my question here is...how does one settle on a generally nice guy? I mean...sure, that's what I want...but I don't want complacency; I don't want passiveness; I don't want pacifism; and I don't want worship. I want passion, equality, and just two separate lives who share a common interest, not two bodies trying to live one life. I don't want a jerk who is going to influence me into molding my personality to suit his. I want someone who doesn't interfere with my interests; he doesn't have to share my interests, but at least respect them and find me fascinating for having them.
How do I keep myself from falling for that which has always turned me on? I mean...attraction is attraction, healthy or not.
Anytime I have found anything close to my description in the past, there has always been flaws... I.E. fear of commitment, Narcicism, another woman...
I feel like I just can't win.
To equate "nice" with wimpish and ineffectual, and "bad" with character and fortitude. Where have men of honesty, honor, dignity, moral fiber and quality gone?
Setting boundaries is not the same as aggression, nor is kindness and thoughtfulness a weakness. Problem is, not having seen much of the real thing around, these bizzare amalgams are the only things that our young, hopelessly confused, demoralized and self destructive American males are capable of emulating.
Sad, really really sad....