This is my testimony. by #47963 .....

Just letting people better understand how I felt going through all this emotion. It was a lot to dump on a 20 year old kid, I know, and this is how I've dealt with it.

Date:   6/19/2005 8:56:17 AM ( 17 y ago)

Meduloblastoma is a rare brain tumor. One that 75% of the time happens before the person is three years old, and 99% of the time before they are ten.

Okay, so Iím also 1% of that one in a thousand one in a million. Mathematically, that makes me one in 1 billion (100,000,000). That, I think, gives me every right in the world to not only wonder, but demand to know why me? why me GOD? What did I do wrong to deserve this?

To be honest, right after diagnosis, I did. Before surgery, Shannon Lewis, Joey Kennedy, Samantha, Brad, Becky, my mother, biological father, and grandmother were at the hospital with me. I remember the night before a few of us meeting in my hospital room and praying for the surgery. That did a good job of calming some of my fears, but in the next few hours I would undergo what could very well be the most traumatic event in my life. I COULD EVEN DIE. A couple days after the surgery is my first memory. With me was Joey, my mother, and step-father; thatís when I found out my diagnosis. I just wanted to scream at all of them. That was my weakest momentÖever. I didnít want to hear that crap about God being able to heal all of us.

I know that Iíd made it through the first part of everything, but I knew there was a whole lot more to come. I didnít know then what chemotherapy or radiation were exactly. Iíd never had to go through that or even do a report on them in school; I had no reason to know what that was. To be honest, I was scaredÖno terrified. I wasnít in control, this little tumor in my brain was. I couldnít even see what was controlling me.

I came home after about a week recovering, trying to eat, simple stuff that all of a sudden was so very difficult. Even sitting up in the bed was hard to do. At home for about a month learning to do things just a little bit differently, even now bending over to pick something up is strenuous. After that month, and coming to realize that this wasnít a punishment from God for anything I had done, but something related to his plan. Whether it was testing my loyalty, sending me a wake-up call, or just him finding a way to bring me closer to him; I was beginning to realize that he wasnít doing this but allowing this to happen to me. Thatís when I started Radiation at the James Cancer Center at Ohio State University Hospital. A total of thirty treatments; twenty spinal and head treatments and ten boost treatments of my head alone. People from this church really went out of their way to help me. Several people took a day to drive me to Columbus, even more came to visit and some bringing food (I kind of miss that), but what everyone at GCC did as well as around the world (I got calls from churches I didnít even know existed and from countries and cities I didnít know were there) is they dropped to their knees.

I would go to the James for my Radiation treatments and see people around me getting sick. Now, I donít know for sure what caused them to get sick, but I didnít. Through my blood platelets dropping and even my total blood count, times I should have felt horrible, I felt fine. Iíd get a transfusion, and go on. It was then that I realized that it wasnít anything I was doing, but Godís healing power keeping me healthy. I recall one time in January that I was sick. It was a Saturday and I couldnít move from my bed. It hurt to roll over. Mom and I went to the Childrenís Hospital in Columbus, and before I got there I was already feeling better, now just a little tired. But fully aware they would at least demand that I spend the night Ė and they did. I spent two nights in the hospital that time.

You see Ė it has been prayer that has kept me going. Not too long ago, I got some great news; I had an MRI at Childrenís and it showed that the satellite tumors werenít even noticeable and the main tumor (the one on my Brain Stem) had shrunk tremendously. I want to thank everyone in this room and across the world that has kept me in their thoughts and prayers; and at the same time beg that I stay there.

I need your prayers because very soon I start Chemotherapy. All of my doctorís agreeÖif anything make me weary, sleepy, sick, weak, etc. it is going to be this. Iím not fretting this or even worrying over thisÖIím scared out of my mind. And now I know for sure that all that crap about God being able to heal all of usÖitís true. Iím sorry for doubting GodÖeven for a moment. And am even surer that God answers prayers.


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