None Of That by x0relia .....

Life, Journey, Universe

Date:   10/6/2012 4:39:31 PM ( 11 y ago)

11:42 PM
Oct/6/2012 - Saturday

I'm currently listening to Britney Spears full album on Youtube, it's seriously fabulous. With my Beats headphones that my ex bought for my birthday, I don't think I could feel more chiller or in the zone. I'm finally alone in my room, sleeping here at night by myself thanks to my own stances I've made in the past. I broke up with Oak, but not quite for good. Still, I made an effort to stand up for myself and quit lying in this game of "take care of me & I'll give you sex". I love the guy, but I'm not in love with him. That's saved for a certain officer that I shall see hopefully this weekend when I close on base. I've been obsessing about fitting my uniforms suddenly, getting my face waxed (just did this morning), and which type of make-up to use when I return to the army (Eyelashes Curled with tons of Mascara, and cherry gloss chapstick).

I'm insane. Tomorrow my plans are to wake up early and head out for some errands with my ex. It feels weird but so empowering calling him that. I'm not as sad as I thought I would be. God, I wonder if you've listened to my prayers and silent tears?

One thing I do promise myself, or did, moreof, is that I swear to never be sad about breakups as I was sad about Sasha when I was about 16-18. What a pathetic, pathetic, pathetic thing to be sad about. A man I have never even met and have grown so far away from...couldn't even care less if he was dead. God forgive me. Maybe that's not true, but I am trying to convey through my jumbled writings that I seriously, sincerely, couldn't give two shits about the guy and haven't heard from him in ages. I used to listen to sad songs on my ipod, cry in my sheets and sleep for hours upon hours locked into my room in Florida. What a pathetic existence of a life. At least some fun and exciting things came along with it, however.

Still, I'm not going to listen to sad songs while I'm going through this first real phase of a break-up.


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