Its time. by hasbeenwannabe .....

first comes the decision, then comes the action. or so I hope.

Date:   5/8/2012 11:03:11 AM ( 10 y ago)

Well, well. Today I have officially hit the new high - 90 kilos (198 Lbs). This comes right after a friend's visit, who hasn't seen me for about 10 years (the years in which I increased steadily by about 25 kilos). We took pictures and i clearly saw that she didn't change a bit, and I couldn't really connect the fat woman i saw on the picture to myself. We are both 37 now.
The pictures made me depressed and after she left, i poured myself a chardonnay and looked at the old pictures of us - where i was stunning at 130 Lbs (I am 6 feet tall). This morning I felt horrible. More so, because my friend wrote me a letter, where she told me she was horrified to see my in such a shape and that I should do smth about it.
Maybe that's it - I' always knew I have to lose weight, and not only to fit in all the clothes that sits in my basement in size 6, but because I can't think of myself as fat. I've been thin until my late 20s, then i got married and my husband and I enjoyed dinners and wine and desserts, plus i was getting stressed at work (sitting in the office 10 hours a day transformed my ass into a huge cushion seat). My husband always tells me he loves me just the way I am. But the fact is: i don't love myself anymore. I am camera shy, because each picture might reveal a double chin i deny i have, or the fact that I haven't seen my high cheeckbones in years.
Anyhow, I must do something and hope to lose at least 20 kilos by the end of this year, and hopefully another 10 in the following year. I don't want to do something drastic right away.
For starters I am going to let go of all alcohol (we drink a lot of wine with meals, as its customary in Europe, where we live now).
I have to be more active: I hate the gym. It makes me hugry and aggressive, so i have to do a lot of biking or walking.
I will not eat past 7pm.
I will try to jump start my detox/diet with the juice diet.
I will keep this blog and be honest. Because if I start lying here, then I am really hopeless.
I also want to thank my friend, for being frank with me. sometimes an external remark hurts, but it might be exactly what pushes you into action.
Wish me luck, people. I need it.
Love to all.


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