Crisis. A Word we hate to hear by LuellaMay .....

Crisis can encompass almost anything, child molestation, abuse and more.

Date:   6/8/2009 10:46:02 AM ( 10 y ago)

Crisis. A word we hate to hear. This can encompass almost
anything, child molestation, abuse, depression, drugs,
illness, and the list goes on. A crisis is a very
individual and personal issue, a crisis is life altering
and devastating.
In my work with crisis situations many years ago, I came to
realize that when a family member undergoes their own
personal crisis. It doesn't stop there. It affects the
ones that are closest to them. Those who go through their
own turmoil while their loved one is suffering. While
trying to cope with or take care of the problem, the family
members are too close to the problem, too emotionally
involved, to assess the situation in its proper
perspective. Under extreme duress, they undergo their own
emotional crisis, often to be ignored. In order to deal
with a crisis, not only the person in crisis must be
addressed, but the entire family unit. The family unit
must be addressed, both individually and as a whole.
When one family member is in trouble, the entire family
unit suffers. Relate this to a toothache. Although it is
just a tooth that is affected, it wears down the entire
body, to the point that the person is not able to function.

I will use the example of child molestation. The child in
crisis must be attended to immediately. However, during
this process, the mother has undergone her own emotional
turmoil. The sole focus is on the child. Yet, in order to
achieve complete healing, the mother cannot be forgotten.
Her need for healing, although different, is as great as
the child's. Such a crisis not only scars the child, but
also scars the mother.
The immediate family member finds themselves needing to
stay strong for their loved one. They are forced to "keep
it together" where they do not have the strength to do so.
In essence, they become another victim to the crisis in
Many times, a loved one feels that they have no choice but
to handle the matter at hand alone. It is important that
they seek help. Help will, most likely, not come knocking
at your door. Yet, there is another factor in not seeking
help. The desire to keep the "crisis" hidden. Seeking the
advice, help, and support from a trusted family member or
friend is paramount. Yet, this too has its drawbacks.
Many have been in positions where this method has
"backfired," causing added injury. Case in point,
referring back to the child molestation issue. I once
worked with a lady who made the mistake in confiding in a
friend, the result being that the friend relayed this
information to everyone she knew, causing untold emotional
damage. A "trusted" source is of paramount importance.
Where it becomes sticky is with people involved in abusive
situations and I am referring here to both women and men.
Although we hear about battered women all the time, there
are also battered men, and they must not be forgotten.
Many times, both are caught in an emotional cycle which
they find impossible to break. Actually I find that it is
more difficult for men because of the stigma involved.
And, sadly, many times this abuse is hidden quite well,
where nobody is aware. This is especially true in
emotional abuse. The saddest abuse of all is that of a
child. They are poweless to help themselves.

There is help, not only for the person in crisis, but also
for the immediate family, but one must seek it out. A
professional source is most often the best, as they are
trained to deal with these issues, can be impartial, and
give you proper perspective. They can give you the proper
support to aid in your own healing.

A crisis is one of life's challenging situations. Without
the proper guidance it can destroy a family. However,
addressed constructively it can strengthen bonds and build
a better family unit.

Luella May


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