what a day, to say the least
another relationship's seedy undercurrent surfaces
Date: 9/26/2006 2:20:43 AM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 2429 times
A friend of mine got angry with me and screamed a bunch of obscenities via telephone. He has listened to me rant on numerous past occasions when I was having a really rough time. He called me up angry that I didn't back him up the other day on a subject matter I didn't entirely agree with him on. told me "I've listened to you and all your complaining, and then when I need a friend, you don't back me up." He was also upset that I ran into him and didn't have time to talk--he took it as personal affront, when actually at that moment I was rushing to get johrei before the center closed..
He yelled at me on the phone that I am selfish and inconsiderate among other things. I told him I won't trouble him with my dreary complaints ever again and hung up, cuz I felt my blood pressure rising.
I'm sort of grateful that this surfaced. I sometimes hurt so badly I don't know what to do with myself. I'm in a 12 step recovery program (that's how I know this guy)--they recommend picking up the phone and calling members when you're in pain, but I'm finding that sort of dynamic creates unsavory relationships. The relationships seem more disturbing than rewarding at this point.
I pray I will have the strength just to take my pain to God and work through it in my art and not try and expect much from other human beings. Most of my relationships seem to have unseemly, even disturbing threads I didn't want to acknowledge that are rising VERY QUICKLY to surface. Some really bizarre events have been going down. I can't even get into all the details. I am almost baffled, but getting more used to the notion that God is All Powerful and has No Limits, though I am not in control of when and how His will manifests.
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