A Message For You.
~* A Message your Soul wanted me to give you .. scroll down. *~
Date: 6/17/2006 12:34:10 PM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 2417 times
Crying sucks. :/
My roommmate and I have the majority of fights just because I'm a phobic about him bringing his kids to the house. -Why-? Why am I so angry and agitated at people younger than me by 2 years? If he even mentions that he may have them come over, I have an anxiety attack, start yelling at him and insulting him, and I have to leave the house RIGHT THEN, even if it's 14 degree weather. I'll opt to sleep outside.
I am so fuq'd up.
I told him I've tried so hard to leave already, and that he'd better find a place for me to live by Sunday afternoon.
.. Because he wants to have his kids spend the night.
What the hizelle? There is no base to it. Nothing happened to me where I should be so angry and jealous of children.
I'm going to walk to the coastline, then follow it.
I'll go through Mexico, then into California, Oregon, Washington, then head inland through Canada and live in the forest, all on foot.
Can I do that in my condition?** (see bottom of page) It'll be okay, right? Right. Right?
It's been less than 24 hours in this house and I have no idea what to do with myself.
By the way, your Soul left a message for you:
You are so busy reacting to what happens or does not happen in your life that you do not have time to savor your experience. You don't feel your joy or your pain, your anger or your grief. This is unfortunate.
You are wasting so much time looking for answers to your problems outside yourself. If you just took the time to be with yourself, the answers would arise spontaneously.
Learn to be present with your experience. I'm not saying "try it figure it out." "Being with" is not an analytical activity. Indeed, recognize that you cannot figure your experience out. You can either be with it, or you can intellectualize it, which of course is an escape.
Every moment you are receiving helpful suggestions which aid you in steering the ship of your life back on course. But you cannot hear these suggestions if you don't take the time "to be" and "to listen." Ironically, it is precisely at those times when you are most frantic trying to figure out and "fix" your problems that you most need to be quiet and listen. You may not realize at first. But you cant help but notice that the more you try to figure things out the more confused they get.
Sooner or later you will give up trying "to make your life work" the way you think it should. And then perhaps you will wonder "why am I am going through this transition time? Is there something in my focus that needs to change?" And you will learn to listen for the answer.
Usually, when you are on a collision course, the answer that you receive is something like: "slow down, look around. Maybe you are not really going where you think you're going."
That might not seem like such a great answer, but it is sufficient to help you take the next step. Slowing down and looking around is the beginning of correction.
As long as things are flowing smoothly in your life, you need not seek correction. But when the waters get turbulent, you would do well to pause and consider your course.
Just this much timely introspection would make a profound difference in your life. There are times when external reality simply closes down around you and the only appropriate place to go is within.
I am not asking you to meditate for two hours every day. Nor am I am saying that regular meditation isn't helpful. I'm just saying that there are times in your life when you need to be quiet and listen. If you learn to honor those times, you will save yourself a lot of grief.
The more you learn to listen within, the more you will begin to "be with" your experience as it happens. You will develop a partnership with your life, a willingness to participate, to feel and experience what comes along.
When you refuse to take time to be with your experience, it seems as if you are a victim of what happens in your life. That is a great self deception. You have related to your experience as something you must conquer and control. And when your experience refuses to conform to your expectations, you feel that you are being unjustly punished. That is not what is happening. Instead, you are merely experiencing the negative effects of your need to control.
You are not open to your experience. You are no in constant relationship to it. You are not in dialogue with it. It is no wonder that you have a love hate relationship with it. You love it when it goes your way and hate it when it does not. Yours is a black and white experience. Life is either totally blessing you or totally punishing you.
The truth is that life is neither blessing you or punishing you. It is working with you to help you awaken to the truth of who you are. Life is your teacher. It is giving you constant feedback and correction, but you do not choose to listen.
Choosing to listen means surrendering to your partnership with life. It means accepting the dance of thought, action and correction. It means experiencing all of this as a necessary but not unsavory part of the learning process.
"Love Without Conditions"
**Have you noticed how we use lots of 'If's'..? 'If I wasn't sick, I would..'
'If I had more money..'
'If I had X instead of Y...'
Do you see these self-imposed limitations we set upon ourselves?
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