Day 5 of 120 - determined and well, in spite of nay-sayers.
Day 5 on just urine and water is far from alarming - the fast keeps its enigmas to itself in Arthurian mists - if the enigmas really exist. Feels pretty good, othing to fear.
Date: 2/24/2006 8:54:00 AM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 2597 times
Wish I could upload pictures for you.
At one point yesterday I was quite disheartened indeed, and almost switched to a green juice fast. I felt well, and inside my body said, this is okay, this is right", but I was getting a lot of negativity and scare from online "help". Also, I tried to unearth some real person who had actually gone more than a week fasting on urine - no-one has. Some talk big about how it heals everything when nothing else can, but I haven't actually found anyone who's done it. So they don't know. Urine Fasting as incredible healer, even magic, could be true; on the other hand, it could not be true. I'm on the fence. What I do know is that nothing cool's gonna happen in only 4 days - not even moles, scars, cts lessening. It's not true - don't believe the hype. I was also concerned about not eliminating through the bowels, especially if the anti-uriists are, in fact, right that one is intaking toxins in the urie. I'm certainly intaking acidity - my urine pH remains low and I'm still drinking it and only it. I became concerned that I am only making things worse, by moving farther and farther away from alkalinity, which ight be the "true miracle", according to some. And nothing special seemed to be happening. So I was ready to take that barley grass and spirulina drink.
But a few things happened. I got a couple of messages on on my weblog page - that made it seem as though someone might be out there, wanting reports as I would, since apparently I'm something of a lone pioneer on uine fasting. And I actually came up, me, in a Microsoft websearch. Somewhere in the www someone might be goaded as I was to do a lengthy urine fast, by all the websites and books (ancient) that talk about it,and they'd need a real-person resource. In addition, I myself reread some of those websites promoting urine fasting - it's totally not the same thing as a real person really doing it with actual success, but it made me feel better.
Also, in the afternoon, my bowels moved - brown water basically but with a groovy globby clump of mucus - that cheered me up! I "massaged" a little again with urine I save from nighttime - on my colon area and in the navel (a novelty hit by 70s novelty band the Village People, I believe) - also on face, hands, scalp, torso. No cosmetic improvements whatever. Please don't count on them manifesting at this point, if you are doing a urine fast for cosmetic benefit - I don't want you to be sorely disappoited. I still look like an ogre - putting it kindly. I dropped a pound - I shouldstop checking that! It's slightly irrelevant and can only distract or upset me. No fat% loss. I'm a bit surprised at the pound drop, as my metabolism is slow - I suspect the pound-a-day thing will not last. Anyway, it doesn'tmake me look any better.
I feel quite good, actually - not healthy or energetic, but not at all the "completely out of it, can't move, can't think, this can't be good, I have to eat" that water fasts involve at this point, in my experience. In some ways it has been easy to do this (I am one-third through!) - no hunger or bad cravings (unusual for me), no huge expression - a spell here and there, but I just say, "I feel depressed" and it does pass (too good to be true, hein?) - so far, no heavy emotional detox or pschological crap to have to deal with as part of the process - I think that will come, and must, for it is part of the toxicity, and if one hopes to be happy after the fast, one must detox the bitter anguish, just as if one were hoping to be free of arthritis after a fast and would have to detox the muscle stiffness an joint pain. I did have yesterday evening various disparate flashes of the past - moments, places, from all over my life - these occurred sppontaneously as I reached for a pillow or turned my head or whatever. My ight was rather good - pretty sound, much better than usual pre-fast, very "thought-y" in spells but I don't remember having the anxiety I did other nights. I feel rather at peace with doing this for now. My body may not be showing any sign of detox, and none of course of repair, but it's not showing me I'm doing anythig it feels is violent or wrong or destructive. I was thinking how most nights when not fasting I feel so much physically worse, from eating grains or salt or whatever, so violently sick. This isn't like that.
Oh, I hope it works.
One thing I kind of have to recommend to fasters is that you pick up a used copy of slaughterhouse-sh** Stephen Buhner's _Fasting Path_ - I reread it yesterday and I think it partly helped - itreminded me that our fasts are _holy_ - "Everything that happens on this journey has meaning - everything is a communicatio to you about the things you are fasting for." I know, it takes a bit of aspect-seeing shift to always see it that way - the materialist opposite could be jst as true - but it probably behooves us to look at t this way, when we can, so that we get the most out of the fast and it helps us for after-fast, isn't just an episode after which we return to hell. This idea of this process as holy, sacred, numinous, somehow meaningful, we can apply to all numinous "journeys" and"processes" in our life, such as our going raw vegan, and our relationship with one we love, human or non-human. Or indeed anything we love - drawing, our rolerblading, our garden, our guitar. It just takes a shift of knowing.
I'm not really thinking about foods too much, but I do obsess about afterwards. As much as I wan to promise myself a "treat" afterwards, heavens knows there really is no point in my doing this - not for such an extended time - if I am to risk going back to where I was (still am), assuming anything changes. Believe me, if you once eat something you know to be unhealthy, you will again. It doesn't matter how long you fasted or how "great" and "rebirthing" the results are - you can and will get readdicted. Thinking about all this being fo naught, erased, is a little bit stronger than the "reward" of eating something afterwards that caused your problems. For it won't stop there.Also, on a fast, we really put ourself at the mercy and in the care of our physical body and, as far as the "self" is concerned, as we conceive of it as not-body, of our "good, nice" self, the one connected to love for ourselves, our loved one(s), and the planet and the other beings on it, and all the things we ove. To deliberately be plotting to sin against the body and the nice self again at the sametime as we are asking deeply for their deepest self - seems a little too much. In fasting, we deeply ask, indeed cry, for good for ourselves, good to come to us - I do not understand people who dare ask for this whilst plotting involvement in slaughterhuses and factory-torture-farms when they have come through, garnered for themselves the good they are asking for. I honestly don't think I could do that sort of thing, so when I doubt this fast, I think of it as also the start of my journey with 100% raw-foodism, and that makes it sacred, even when I doubt the whole fasting thing.
So yesterday symptoms as such (detoxy ones) were minimal - not much strength or energy for anything, but no pysical misery or sickness as such. Slept 10 hours or so. Today feels much the same so far. I often feel sad, but basically calm and determined. It feels okay, except for the no-sign-of-improvement. Didn't read much literachur (even Maugham) yesterday, or do much, I guess - perhaps today. Once again, Bob Bannister's _Dives and Lazarus_ was better than eating - it's evn more addictive - for comfort and excitement; and I greatly enjoyed hearing Tori Kudo, whom you may know from Maher Shalal Hash Baz (this is apparently Hebrew for "quick spoil, speedy booty" - is that a Rorschach or what?). Otherwise wasted some musical time with a middling Texas psych LP reissue of Lost and Found, not recommended for fasts or feasts. Sometimes the fast demands quiet and no words. You'll hear, or feel, it demanding it. Haven't noticed a different kind of thinking resulting from ketosis yet - one feels determined and mature about this though, which is not like me. I reiterate: it really helps to have nowhere to go (I mean figuratively, in terms of what to do to heal). Buhner again reiterated that for long-standing deep severe chronic stuff, a juice fast (including Master Cleanse) just doesn't cut it - that got me, all right! But Idon't know that I'd do a water fast - I just can't get over my doubts about non-distilled water, and I suspect fasting only on distilled wter is asking for trouble!
After the crisis of nay-saying and anxiety, it struck me how mental can't-do-ism can be, in terms of this. If I were in a fasting spa overlooking the mountains, forests and trees in clean linen sheets with nice people waiting on me confident in my success, as they'd seen hundreds of others succeed (I'm thinking
of the Tanglewood Fasting place in Paraguay - I've never been there but I know the director believes that juice fasts just _cannot_ have the results of water fasts they just can't heal the deep-rooted real stuff the same way, I think because you never really go into autolysis), of course I'd do it - I could do it and easy. I wouldn't even worry. There's little physical difference between that and what I am doing here - the most difference is mental, idea'd - is ideated a word like "mediated"? My body itself could do it, so that's a thought to keep in mind, perhaps, as I do it under these quite quite different terms, circumstances, and surroundings.
Well, that's it - by no means ever think you can't do 4 days on water and urine, if you are thinking of it - I did. (I'm equally skeptic (or sceptic) about the miracle efficacy of water fasts, urine therapy, and juice fasts, but the psychological aspect of not eating, even if you are addicted to grains, or coffee, or sugar, or cooked, or salt or whatever, is do-able.)
"Desire is sad." Jack
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