warning contains swearing. 92 days to go, I think
Date: 4/22/2006 8:11:48 AM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 1933 times
So with all the freaking work I've been doing, and I haven't been going overboard with controlling my food...
You guessed it - I gained a pound.
Now I was on the last day of my period, and that may have had something to do with it. But I'm ending this %¤#&!§-right here. I was hoping to lose some real weight, and it seems I"ve lost 6 pounds since January 30th. That's just %¤#&!§-. Especially since I worked SO hard this week that after I weighed in, I couldn't even work out because I had worked my legs so hard the day before.
I know muscle weighs more than fat. The woman who measures me wasn't there, either, so I couldn't get measured. I know I"ve lost inches, but seriously, I just want to stop being a size 12, and get down under a size 10 to an 8. That's my real goal, and I don't think it's unreasonable or unhealthy.
So I came home and cried for like 3-4 hours. I was really upset last night. I feel like I'm going to be the f***ing fattest person at the wedding. I'm still obviously pretty upset, but I'm done screwing around. I'm going back to serious food journaling, and I'm also going back to low fat yogurt and tofu salad, or other salad, at the co-op.
I looked back into my south beach stuff and got a bunch of stuff at the store, too. One of my favorites is chopped portabello mushrooms, cinammon, a pack of splenda, and a can of westbrae lentils. It's really yummy - you simmer it all together till the cinammon stick unfurls.
So no more carbs for me. At all. And I have to cut out the alcohol. My fiance is going to join me in dieting mid-may, but I'm going to start now. It's really unfair to myself to do all this work and not really lose weight. Yeah, I may be reshaping my body, but f***ING ENOUGH ALREADY. I'm tired of being f***ing FAT.
I am so angry - I have so much anger. And when my bridesmaids came up last weekend, not one of them said a single thing - you look good, or you've been working out. That should have clued me in. I'm just so mad. This is the first thing I've ever failed at in my whole life.
So it's going to be an every day thing from now on. Keep me honest, people.
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