Mulling over MRI Results and UCSD Moores Visit
Mulling over MRI Results and UCSD Moore’s Visit
Morbid dreams and thoughts. I am in a healing crisis.
Date: 1/8/2018 8:41:03 PM ( 11 mon ) ... viewed 415 times
“In the midst of my dark hour,
I awaken to realize there’s nothing wrong with me.
I’m the form
this beloved universe
created for this moment to evolve itself.”
- from Moment of Awakening.
The entire poem can be found here:
January 13, 2018
Today is Saturday, January 13, 2018.
On August 7, i was officially diagnosed with a 18 Letter pronouncement of a condition that scares the hell out of many people. Two days following the diagnosis, I left on a six week trip to follow my dreams. So now I count how many days have I been on this natural approach to #CancerCure and wonder what are my next steps to strengthen my resolve, in the face of symptoms, on certain days that make me question my approach.
I want to harvest the good I received this past week--it was a week of Healing Crisis. I am looking back.
Among my most profound remedies that I believe in -- as profoundly as well-trained Medical Doctors believe in their always growing arsenal of pharmaceuticals and systems of knowing--was slowing down enough to hear and feel again into the rhythms of the barnyard.
I got to know a goat who came to appreciate my new found skill of goat massage, One of my special memories were enjoying the company of a big black dog, who could have knocked me over if he was less conscious. These were among my Remedies that I am holding dear as I reassess and recommit to my next steps forward on my Natural #CancerCure Journey.
Last week, I faced a dark night of my Soul: on the way to pick up results of a recent MRI, CT Scan, and blood work results, drops of rain started to fall, the same water that turned into torrents of boulders and mud and invaded and shifted many lives forever.
The rain was more gentle on our land and I will use the collected rainwater to nurture plants in the months ahead. Something about plants appreciates rainfall.
So this is my story--and my process-- I am writing to reaffirm my steps forward.
"Let it be briefly stated that disease, through apparently cruel, is in itself beneficent and for our own good, and if rightly treated, it will be cause of the removal of these faults and leave us better and greater than before. Suffering is a corrective to point out a lesson which by other means we have failed to grasp and never can it be eradicated until the lesson is learned."
--Dr Edward Bach, M.D.
from Heal Thyself
His legacy includes the Bach Flower Essences.
January 13, 2018
January 15, 2018
Just looking at my fb page A History Of Peace on Earth-#lesliegoldmanlegacywritings.
Adrienne Prince, editor of my legacy writings, has put up various poems primarily from #RekindlingOfFaith, my autobiography that I see being updated and reissued in a hard copy.
Last week I did some special healing with close blood family and there are more poems to put up.
There are also videos of Golden Drake and her #CancerCure Journey, a journey through chemo and now radiation.
One of my core issues on my own #CancerCure Journey has been to stand behind my life purpose and path.
I have partaken in the heroic measures that Western Conventional Medicine gives us to live long enough to correct our ways and learn our Soul Purpose.
In another century, with crippling arthritis as I have experienced in this life, I would have have likely been dead by now.
There was a time, for more than a year, that I was so crippled I could not sit at all or spread my legs apart more than 1/4 inch.
It was hip replacements and in 2001 hip revisions that brought me the gift of walking again.
In 2001, when I went into UCSD Thorton Hospital for hip revisions, my mission was, through my Getting Hip, i would help modern Health Care Get Hip to all it can be.
17 years later, diagnosed with a mass in my right kidney. Starting on August 7, I followed 161 days of natural approaches. I was able to transform my kidney function for the better, as recorded in blood tests.
The mass does not appear to be smaller but has grown by some degree.
I have a skilled member of my healing team, who has advised many witnesses cancers, that a mass can accumulate all the energies and toxins into one place before it disappears.
It may very well be protecting and creating boundaries around parasites and viruses.
Fear plays a major role in kidney function.
The truth Is, in spite of all the research done on cancer through conventional means, we still do not know the cause of cancer.
Our methods in the US are questionable for treating cancer.
May God grant me many days to continue to explore natural approaches as well as remedies.
I am committed to this path.
I have enjoyed much of the time I have spend at the UC San Diego Moores Cancer Center. I have made friends. The quality of care and proficiency are exceptional.
I have also experienced extraordinary care within the Scripps System.
For a year or more in 2016, I had extreme pain at times, with knee inflammatory conditions. The most positive results come from simple non-psychoactive Cannabis leaves that are juiced and taken in every day in smoothies.
There are profound remedies that are being applied around the world for cancer.
For the sake of our precious world, I know Conventional Western Medicine, especially in SoCal, a founding place for Holistic, and now Integrative Medicine, will accept and benefit from increasing their awareness of Nature’s Original Technology.
I hope to have a bright future in hospitals. I want to help as well as receive their goodness.
As one master of Digestive Wellness, Liz Lipski once wrote:
TESTIMONIAL FROM LIZ LIPSKI
I met Dr. Liz Lipski at the Scripps Natural Supplement Conference 2015. We planted dreams. She joined the Enchanted Garden Club.
“Someone once told me that dreams were for children. Aren’t we all children? Leslie’s work connects people to envision fully, to embrace what’s possible, and to walk forward in hope. He is inspiring and brings us back to what’s essential, and what is uniquely essential. I would love to see him working in hospitals, schools and widely, to plant seeds of hope and dreams like Johnny Appleseed.”
Monday, January 15, 2018
If left to my own devices do I know who i am?
Bought a new iPhone yesterday afternoon. Went to the Apple Store in Fashion Valley. Very lovely day at Hillcrest Farmers Market. It is especially lovely when I have the company of Adrienne, who assists me. After the installation, my old iPhone internet would not work, and not until this morning were all the Apps functional. They said there’d be some waiting...
I had a disturbing early morning dream. I lost connection with who I am. Who am I? I could not remember. What am I doing in this world? Do I have a job and a function? Can you remind me?
I can write. I write. I can tell my truth. I feel somewhat scared now at 7:01 am, San Diego time.
I was bleeding yesterday morning. Some blood clots released. Then the farmers market all day.
I am reaffirming my commitment to follow a natural path of healing where it takes me. I do not like where I am right now.
Semi earache left ear. Urine dark st 7 pm last night. Dark again st 5 am.
Why? What caused this? Shepherd Purse stops the bleeding almost miraculously. Why is dark urine, I am asking myself. Two days already it has been strange. Where would I go in an emergency? “Hospital” is a strange place to believe in. What has the world come to for healing?
Oh God, be with me now.
I have to stand on my own two feet. I need to believe in my capacity to heal and know I am guided in the right direction.
Breathe, Goldman. Resolve and believe. Be still. The physical discomfort will pass.
The early morning distraction will pass.
Be strong Goldman. Have faith.
Today is Martin Luther Kings birthday.
I have a dream.
A good living dream.
Inner core intelligence.
Guide me in what I need to do.
January 15, 2018
It is two days after my most recent MRI Results and most recent blood tests. The results confirmed my kidney function has continued to improve after more than 150 days of natural remedies. The diagnisis of Rena Cell Carcinoma was made on August 7. On August 9, I left for a six week trip to follow my heart and dreams.
The latest MRI indicates a mass in the right kidney. It measured 5,2 x 4.9 x 6.5 on November 8 and is now 5.5 x 5.2 x 7.2 as of January 8.
This was shocking information for both Adrienne, my assistant, and me. I had very much shifted my diet to plant based with the addition of fresh trout a few times a week. Plus the cannabis superfood smoothies daily.
I have felt extreme passion for s number of my remedies that have included raw non psychoactive smoothies made of cannabis leaves, various mushroom products, and fresh mushrooms, Chinese herbs, Acupuncture and massage; other supplements, as well as Urine Therspy.
In spite of my positive outcomes, it seems I have not zeroed in on the remedies that could shrink the tumor growth.
This last month I had intended to do Bowel Cleansing. I deeply believe that a clean Bowel is the foundation of healthy organs. I came down with cold/like symptoms about a month ago and was advised by one of the members of my Health team that Bowel Cleansing at that time would weaken me.
My spirit said do the cleanse but I held back.
There are other specific remedies for shrinking a tumor—such as THC —and others that I have not applied.
I have a number of other cutting edge products I have not yet applied as recommended.
The results of the visit with my Western Medical Team, including Kidney Surgeon Specialist, as well as a visit with a Spiritual Healet with Shamanic tools, have precipitated an intense Healing Crisis.
Last night I had intense repeated nightmares that felt like electric shocks.
The evaluation of the surgeon is that a partial kidney removal would be a “Beast” with high risk and low chance of Success. The picture he painted suggested possible urine infection and bleeding. He presumed I would choose this over another choice-totally cutting out the right kidney. it then, then, was a bright offer—a Clinical Triial would offer me a newly funded drug that possible could shrink the tumor 25%. allowing the partial kidney surgery to be a little less of a “Beast” to perform.
I having been having nightmares ever since, as well as waking trauma.
The dreams as well as the thoughts I have been having are important to record.
In one Dream I was perpetually misplacing the Enchanted Garden Mobile, my magical 68 VW Van. My esteemed ally on the road, This vehicle has driven me thousands of miiles on trips from San Diego to Santa Rosa each year to save our sacred seeds.
My second thought was that with one kidney this was the beginning of the end for me.
I want to explore these feelings that are part of the healing crisis.
More to come.,,
Phone call cane in from UCSD. I have till 3pm January 29 to meet with my medical team member. What can I do between them and now to regain my will to live through following my life purpose?
having intense night
January 8 2018
Wow!! Raindrops in Drought area San Diego, California are falling on the windshield of the The Enchanted Garden Mobile in route to get my MRI & CT results. I will meet with my UC San Diego Moores Cancer Center team at 10 am.
Glad to feel an attitude adjustment happening this morning.
Belief systems are so very powerful. A dominant stream is headed toward Big Pharma and Conventional Western Medicine forgetting thousands of years of natural wisdom. I have no fight this morning against any Health system. I am sure many people have recovered from cancer and survived chemo. Many as well have Cancer show up again because cancer cells are part of our body. Sometimes they grow; sometimes not. Today they appear to grow more than ever.
I am looking at my own belief systems this morning. Fear is part of me. I am always having to replace it with other emotions.
Dr. Bernard Jensen, who died ultimately of cancer in his 90’s, after fully recovering from it earlier, left an enormous legacy of teachings.
He was quite the storyteller. Once upon a time, a man with a full head of Black hair was heading in a rowboat toward Niagara Falls. He was so overwhelmed with fear that by the time the little boat snagged on a branch, preventing him from going over, the hair on his head turned white in less than 20 minutes.
I am convinced that with this powerful mind of mine, I am capable of creating a healthy growing cancer in a very short time. I wonder how capable I am of disappearing a cancer mass?
MRI’s make results so very concrete. Once the info comes in, next comes the course of action.
So today, I am fortifying with a couple of my own stories before sailing down this Mainstream.
January 9, 2018
I am so grateful to see the names of so many friends. Dealing with difficult decisions, all day today,
January 11, 2018
Mulling over MRI Results and UCSD Moore’s Visit. Morbid dreams and thoughts. I am in a healing crisis. Getting to the other side of it.
January 11, 2018
I am beginning to formulate a Declaration Of Freedom for the unique path I want to follow on my natural #CancerCure journey.
Yesterday morning, following a break from the rain, the biggest Rain of the season, I went out to reconnect with the plants in my garden.
What is this Mass that some say is growing in my right kidney, a zone influenced by fear and stress?
I went looking for clay that I brought home from the Frey Organic Winery.
I collected this clay from the new site where the grounds for the New Winery were being built last September. That was before the fire that destroyed much of the old winery property and Frey Ranch.
I used Rain water, the same from the storm that has washed away so many dreams and ground in Santa Barbara Mudslides to create a revealed clay image of this mass hidden in my kidney.
I squished and molded the clay into a representation of the mass. I do not want its motives and gifts to be hidden. I want to learn what it has to teach me.
Part of that teaching is continuing to Believe in my natural process wherever it takes me.
I apology to the loving and kind relations and dearest of friends who feel they are protecting me through encouraging me to take the knife approach. That path right now i do not believe in and it does not serve my growth or life—at this time.
I do not wish to be a martyr to a system of dying beliefs in natural remedies, some that may seem very unscientific: and yet I do believe in the power of the deeply grounded dandelion roots that David Solomon pulled from Terra Madre Gardens for me. I do believe in the process Adrienne took to meticulously dry and ground these. I am drinking this potion.
I do believe and appreciate the goodwill of Doctors in Western and Oriental medicine who want the best for me.
What I most want is to find and stand in my courage in spite of all the weaknesses and holes I have.
It amazes me to reflect on how many miracles I have seen in my life that I could not have done without courage?
Where is my courage now?
I want to write them out the Miracles and I will. Writing heals me. I write because I need to. What a gift to have friends across the decades who find some meaning in what I say.
I know terror.
I know abandonment.
I know what it feels like to feel into that empty room alone and that fear that makes no sense. That fear is so very old and likely from childhood.
I also know what it is like to put on my #YourEnchantedGardener shirt, transform, and enjoy totally the magic that can come between me and others.
I am in a healing crisis now.
I am receiving deep loving wisdom from members of my healing team.
Many people die before they are my age. Many people have never lived.
We each need to live and die according to our Beliefs and likely do.
Oh Life! You have shared with me so many precious moments. Oh Pain, I have known you personally. Let’s move forward to make the most of this healing opportunity.
Leslie Goldman #YourEnchantedGardener #PlantYourDreamBlog
Aug 7, 2017
JANUARY 10, 2018
Art work —left seeds
Helen Otterson Art—
January 15, 2018
Raw notes placing here to work with
From WS, EJ,
With Mayah WS coaching. January 11, 2018
Why bloodwork improving while Tumor growing.
What does it mean?
Spending time with Chris Eagle
reminded me of my own shamanic ways...
Insignificant tumor growth...
No proof it has metastasized
Show up...when i am under stress.
Little injuries...In liver
Release blood clots...
From time to time...
Piss out of globules
Stage stage kidney
Thank you talk to you later...
Called It a Beast...
No thank you
Removing the kidney...
Take drywall out
Turn bathtub off..
Turn bathtub off
Addressed the condition enough...
Not the potential
In s life threatening way...
Go see him
700 emails a day...
Sorry I am on
Slippery slope of western medicine...
Serious cancer in bones...
Some 24 people out of 100.
Living with one kidney...
Tangled blood vessel...
Keep me out of litagatikn..
Demands of your love...
Never know another truth
Was in my bloodstream
Courage is movement in the Face of fear...
Were in my bloodstream
Not feeding it
Not doing anything to grow it..
Cancer influenced by protein and fat..
Turn off the faucet....
Stopped Feeding the tumor.
Watch Heal...the Movie
Begin forwarded message:
From: Leslie Goldman
Date: January 10, 2018 at 11:38:27 AM PST
To: Leslie Goldman , Adrienne Prince
Subject: Quest for the cure
Cancer stem cells produced by chemo.
So much to it.
Kidney is fear.
Walling off a Parasite.
Belief it walling off
Give the body what it needs to heal itself
Parasite under the cancer....
Inside was a bacteria,
Workshop in Australia...
Two in each cup...
Another can of worms to deal with...
They scared him...
Get on the stick
You are Dr jensen...
He stuck with his plan and he got well.
Sent from my iPhone
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