Change of diet, visiting Banana Island and some thoughts on how I feel right now.
Date: 6/24/2016 4:22:06 PM ( 3 y ) ... viewed 783 times
It's been over a year and things have gone down hill. Mostly the issue is self loathing. But I am doing better and have been trying to take better care of myself. Weight is slowly coming off but after a year of gaining weight every little that comes off isn't as rewarding. How many times am I going to indulge in this self loathing behavior?
People say I look sad and they are right. Though I have found someone who cares about unconditionally it isn't enough for me. I haven't figured out what makes me happy. Not understanding why I am sad has made simple tasks almost impossible.
For the past few months I have been trying to workout. Exercise, especially cardio has always made me feel happy. It's purely the high I get and just enjoy that personal time to myself. But it has still been challenging to get to the gym.
My neighborhood isn't safe to walk through and the gym I go to has certain staff that ogle me while I work out. This isn't in my head, I have heard others complain about the same employee. This stuff wears on me and I am not as consistent as I would usually be going to the gym. Though this past week, that said employee seems to be gone and I have been more diligent in getting in the gym.
I am trying.
Starting tomorrow I plan on taking a trip to 'Banana Island'. On my own terms I plan visiting and I don't plan on approaching it on trying to consume 30 bananas a day. Other times I have attempted banana island I can only consume 15 and really I think I should consume to when I feel full and not by what others deem to be best for me. I believe this break from normal eating habits will help me lose some weight and hopefully help me gain a different perspective. I have fasted before, but I don't feel ready for a fast and think a mono diet might have the same effect as a fast/yet different.
I plan on updating weekly how things go.
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