Blog: This Is Me
by #158791


Life, Love, God

Date:   10/7/2012 3:55:37 PM   ( 10 y ) ... viewed 5332 times

October 7, 2012
Sunday. 10:41 PM

Today started out awful. I just felt so rotten when I got up to go out until I got to my room around 1 pm to clean the room and go for a walk. Errands with the ex went well, minus the part that he got attitude (rightfully so) with the bastards from the thieving cellphone company, in which I calmly walked away before I knew he would erupt. I bought two books at the mall for less than 100 shekels! Hunger Games & Fifty Shades of Grey. I asked the counter lady if she had the rest of the Fifty series but she said it was sold out at the moment, so it must be a good book. Will read it when I get back to the army, so excited. I got my army pants re-refitted and they look AMAZING. Finally! I can't actually believe I wanted to wait so long for them to be done, yea right. I feel so much better with them tightened on rather than looking like a fright slump. Feeling good is really important!

I feel like writing about my commander. He intrigues me so much. I remember the first time I met him was when I was in this car from my base in the Hatmar going to the Gdud with the Hatmar driver (because the army rule is you must drive with two people). He was so tall and he had sunglasses, that's the first thing I saw. I remember struggling with my seatbealt when the driver said to put the seatbelt on and he was like looking at me and after a few seconds asked if everything's ok. I remember being so taken, and I still am. I'm actually to the point where I'm obsessed now and all I can think about it him.

I don't know if it's bad or good though, on one hand he is my commander and it's against us to be together but on the other hand I wouldn't have ever gotten to know him if he wasn't my commander. could be a Romeo & Juliet type situation until he gets discharged. That is to say IF he is attracted to me as well. Sometimes I feel like he is attracted to me because he bothers me with the dumbest things, or maybe it's just his personality? Like for example when he enters the room and I'm just there he will just say my name teasingly...when I'm working on something outside he'll look at me for a few seconds and ask me questions about what I'm doing, etc... Maybe I'm just over exaggerating. He is so friendly. I really am in love with him. I love that how around him people seem to love me too, so he sees I'm quite social and likeable. I've been lucky at that department.

In regards to my water fasting, well it's been going great. I'm about 165 lbs now and can't wait to get out of the 160's. I'm predicting around Tues/Weds I'll be in my 150's which is kind of exciting. I did my 60 minutes of walking, whitnened my teeth, and am now just relaxing in bed watching shows and browsing the internet. My room is cleaned and my bag is packed already. I'm just going to sleep and watch movies until it's finally time to go back to the army. I'm getting sick of being in the Kibbutz alone. I need the army, the army helps me and makes Oak distant from me and less rememerable (although remembering doesn't even hurt me actually, I think of him more as of a friend now)

He helped me loads today and I'm so grateful for that. On Tuesday we're taking the bus together and I'm gonna sit next to him...he's gonna drop off my money and mail it to the shitty thieving cellphone company. It's a good thing we did not cut ties off completely because then I wouldn't be able to be back here in the Kibbutz, with the Garin, in my room. I would be stuck in the shitty mess of the cellphone bills and not know what to do because ever since I came here and we got together, he's been dealing of all that shit for me so it's nice to see him still helping even after not being together with him. The pain gets lesser and lesser everyday. I just pray I find my way to complete independence.

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