Day 3 (Evening)
More on my fast.
Date: 2/3/2008 6:41:55 PM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 1239 times
Today has been a tough day. I felt very depressed. Being weak made me begin to think that I was "doomed." Doomed at work, doomed with regards to personal relationships. From that, I also began to question just why I was doing this, and whether or not I had done it long enough already.
The bottom hit with a bag of Tortilla chips. I was putting some in a bowl for my daughter, and actually ate three before I could stop myself. That did not help stabalize me emotionally, needless to say. In fact, I felt like a failure for much of the afternoon, despite the fact that I was able to stop after three, and have not eaten for days before, and until present since.
I know that the main difficulty I am having is with work pressures. Simply enough, though, that is the very cause of my status to date. I lost 40 some odd pounds before joining this particular office, and within two years there, had gained every ounce back. I am determined that it is not worthy of any further losses to my body and life. But on days like this one, it was really hard to see that. I kept telling myself "just eat, and you'll be able to focus on all of this stuff that's on your plate (no pun intended! lol).
It is 7:30 p.m. now, and with a victory over a grand meal cooked by my husband, I am feeling better. The fact of the matter is that I did get alot done this weekend.. my home is very much in order, and my children had a good time with us throughout. If things get tough at work, so be it. This is more important.
I may walk for an hour tonight, hopefully. I am looking forward to seeing something good on the scale tomorrow, and I know that a walk will help in that regard.
Scared about tomorrow and day 5. I just don't know how I will be able to focus ... and on such high pressure days as this week will most likely bring. But, I am flying high on the fact that in just a few hours, I will wake up, and it will be, in fact, day 4. Even if I end this fast tomorrow, I know that many benefits have been gained. First, it would have taken me a good long time to lose this much, time that I can now spend losing MORE. Second, I am reinvigored to start weight watchers again. In fact, I can't BEGIN to imagine not being statisfied with the calories/points that are alotted to me, and for a good long time, I know that this will be the case. If those two things are not major gains, the fact that I FINALLY can wear a size 12 this week is a real testament!
Well, if you are out there, keep those fingers crossed tomorrow.
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