Good Things that Happened this Month 14 y
Plans/Goals for the very near future
Iím not pregnant. Oh well, thereís always next month. Some good things did come out of all the preparations I made...
1. My diet is mch healthier than it was 2 months ago. No soda or caffinated coffee, more fruits and veggies.
2. I have stopped smoking. More importantly, I donít have the desire to continue to smoke. Interesting. I knew that as long as I wanted (mentally and physically) to smoke, no matter how long I quit, I knew I would resume evntually.
3. I have a regular vitamin regimen.
4. I have been maintaining a more positive attitude.
5. My friendship/rela ... read more
I Guess not this Month. 14 y
If you fall off a horse you go to get back on.
Well this month Iíve been denied. Oh well, there is always next month. I feel a little disappointed. I never thought that Iíd have to try to get pregnant. Kind of takes the fun out of things. From now on, Iím going to stop being so analytical about everything and enjoy the journey.
That gives me time to get the insurance thing rectified. My Dad said he will add me to his policy. My Dad has his own business and the more lives on the policy, the better rate he gets. Iím in line for a new job that will cover me with benefits from the get go. My Guy started a new job and his benefi ... read more
Today is a Really Weird Day 14 y
I'm feeling a bit off, but can't really say why.
I absolutely feel terrible today. Iím dizzy and queasy. Saliva is collecting in my mouth. My boobs hurt. Yesterday my throat was sore on the right side and I had a sty in my right eye both of which are still tender. Iíve been nice to a chick on my job that normally I canít stand. And I want to punish my previous church afresh. I can barely watch TV without bursting into tears. My feelings are all over the place. Sounds hopeful right? Wrong. Every month, right before my cycle, I get phantom illnesses. My lower back is ridiculously sore and Iím bloated like you wouldnít believe.
Iím ... read more
The Waiting Game 14 y
Iím all caught up transferring the majority of my blog to this site. Iím hoping you find it enjoyable reading while Iím over here biting my nails and over-analyzing evey little noise in my pelvis.
Iím hoping every minute of every day that Iím pregnant. I watch what I eat. Refrain from alcohol and smoking. All in hopes that I am Ēwith child.Ē I hate that there is no way to know for sure. Say Iím not pregnant, then I have denied myself for no reason. And I am NOT big on self deprivation. If Iím not pregnant, Iím going on a binge.
I donít feel pregnant. I donít feel not pregnant. I doní ... read more
Much better Now 14 y
Originally posted August 31, 2006
Okay. Iím calmer today than I was yesterday. And actually a little revitalized. Iím not going to be concerned about the insurance or the money. And not because Iím frivolous with money or anything. I really believe deep down in my soul, that all of this is a non-issue that presents itself to distract me from my course. Iím not trying to be all new age, heavily Christian or anything; but I honestly believe that I was given a Divine ĎGo Aheadí to proceed with the baby. That being said, the Divine will provide for us. Case closed. I can already see Him/Her working out the details. visit the page
Big, Tremendous Oops 14 y
Originally posted August 30, 2006
Big Oops! My insurance doesnít cover maternity benefits. Damn.
I got a rate increase letter dealing with my insurance. I work for a small company that offers me no benefits. So I have to pay for my insurance out of pocket. When I got the policy, I bought an individual policy. The agent who sold me the policy said that was all I needed, since it was just me. I believed him. (This violates one of my rules to never believe what someone tells me at face value.) Anyway, I have been paying into this plan for 3 years. Iím reading the particulars about my insurance and I notice that maternity b ... read more
Now We Wait 14 y
Originally posted August 29, 2006
This weekend me and My Guy made the love that I hope will conceive our child! It was nice too; very gentle and very sweet. Very nice love in which to conceive a child. Right before we went upstairs he grabbed my hand looked me in the eye and said, ďWe are about to do something that could change our lives.Ē Iím glad he recognizes what we are doing; although, he is coming down with a case of frozen feet. This is the same man who managed to talk me into something that all the men before him have never been able to do.
He is really scared. I think I may have been too direct with my approach ... read more
The Night, Saturday August 26, 2006 14 y
Originally posted August 24, 2006
This weekend My Guy and I are going to make the love that will make our baby. God willing.
This baby decision has made us so close. And not in a superficial way. I see how excited he is to be a father and it touches my heart. The way he talks about all he is going to do with the child. My heart softens with every conversation. He has old fashioned values (that apparently donít apply to having children out of wedlock) that mirror my own. There are a few things that I can see will be a problem in the not so distant future. My Guy says he never wants me to date anyone else once I start hav ... read more
Telling You all the Business 14 y
Originally posted August 22, 2006
My Guy is getting cold feet. Damn! I thought the cold feet would come on my behalf. The %§#&!ß-reasons he is giving me are as followsÖ (1) What if we break up? He will not want me to ever date again. No other men should come around his child. (2) Should we break up, he wants to retain custody of the child. Neither of these options works for me. I guess My Guy is no longer a candidate.
I found additional information about My GuyÖ Heís crazy. Not in an obvious way. He is a recovering gambler. I did not know that. He flips back and forth like a manic depressive. Whereas I donít have concer ... read more
Stop Looking 14 y
Originally posted August 16, 2006
When I was planning my wedding, the consultant at the dress store advised to me ďStop looking at other dresses.Ē At the time, I assumed she was talking about the fact that once money was put down on a dress, it was non-refundable, but Iíve come to learn that thatís good advice for life.
When I was separated from My Guy (just last week), I started accepting new and different callers. Iím not a rude person, so I donít want to just up and kick them to the curb for no reason. So I was continuing to speak to a couple of these men. In actuality I am still shopping because it has me wondering ... read more
That Loving Feeling 14 y
Originally posted August 15, 2006
My Guy and I are moving to a closer relationship which is good. Iím not expecting anything from him but a sperm donation, but still. Since we are in a relationship, and have been since before we decided to procreate, I would like to cultivate loving feelings for when we get down to business. The reason is thisÖ As a child raised in a single-parent family, I know that one day the child will ask if I ever loved her father. I asked my mother and father this same question. I want to say with all truthfulness ďWe did when we made youĒ.
Itís not hard at all for me to fall in love. That may ex ... read more
Kudos! 14 y
Originally posted August 14, 2006
Today has been psychically positive. Iím a firm believer that whatever the situation, you will receive positive or negative feedback, if you pay attention. All day long people have been giving me unsolicited kudos about the baby. The early morning patient who decided to tell me about the birth of her daughter, 47 years ago. The lesbian whoís lover is currently pregnant and had a myomectomy like I did. I was curious how many C-sections I could have before I had to stop having children. Another patient came into the office and answered this unasked question. Btw the answer is 3, but I will c ... read more
Marriage and Private School 14 y
Originally posted August 14, 2006
I frigginí hate my job today.
AnywayÖ This weekend was interesting for me and My Guy. We sat down and had conversations about parenting and such. I want to send the kid to private school. My Guy thinks private school will make the child a sissy. Iíve always intended to give my children, at least everything I had. My parents werenít rich, but there werenít broke either. All that struggling you see black people doing on TV really didnít apply to me. We were a lot closer to the Cosby Show than to Good Times. I expect to give them at least that and a few more of the things Iíd wish I had. E ... read more
The Baby Making is Back On! 14 y
Originally posted August 10, 2006
I hadnít heard from my guy in nearly 3 weeks. I had a little issue with my phone, and I went to the Cingular (*I love Cingular*) store. They fixed the problem and asked me if I wanted to save the numbers I have on the SIM card. Well I hadnít deleted my guy yet. That made me think about whether or not I ever really wanted to speak to him again. The answer is and always is, yes! But I have my pride. My pride says that I donít go groveling to a man. So I sent him a good-bye text. It was actually a whole ceremony. I messaged, ďI guess they canít all be love connections. Thanks for our interlud ... read more
On Hold for Now 14 y
Originally posted July 26, 2006
I guess the baby making is put on hold for a little while. Iím still planning for a 2007 baby, though.
Me and My Guy are over. It was the friend induced thing. I still donít get her motives, but I do know one thing, sheíll get hers in the end. Karma, reciprocity something will get her behind. I will be laughing too when the shit pops off. I kind of set a trap because this seemed too weird for me. I told her a bit of news and swore her to secrecy to never tell My Former Guy. Of course she did. Then when confronted with both of them, I demanded to know what was up. Iím a professional femi ... read more
This is Supposed to be Easy 14 y
Originally posted July 24, 2006
Tomorrow begins my ovulation for female conception. Everything is a go on my end, but there is a small problem with my guy. He and I had an argument this weekend and now we arenít speaking. Funny, huh? This is the kind of luck I have. For months heís been begging me. Now that Iím ready, nothing. Damn! Anyway, my goal is pregnancy, doesnít really matter who. As long as they are healthy, HIV-, D&D free with no family genetic issues. I really hate the idea of sperm banks. When I get pregnant, I want pleasure. J (Thatís a Biblical reference) I could fake the funk for this week and play nice to ... read more
Orange Juice 14 y
Originally posted on July 21, 2006
I had my 1st glass of OJ this morning. That is significant because I hate OJ. Ick! But the Dr says it will be good for my future fetus. I, also, have begun to decrease the number of cigarettes smoked per day. Iíll start on the vitamins over the weekend. Vitamins make me hungry, too hungry. I guess this is the beginning of me having to do things for my child that I donít like. Iím hoping potty training goes by easy and quickly. Iím getting ahead of myself.
I just read an article in Oprah about men who kill their girlfriends/wives while they are pregnant. The article said that the leading ... read more
God Bless the Child 14 y
What brought me to the decision to have a baby
I have decided to have a baby.
Not in just the ephemeral way that all women decide the motherhood is in their future somehow. But clearly stating that a child will be forthcoming in the near future. I had a distinct, sure feeling this morning and every time I think on this decision that I havenít had in a long time that letís me know this is the correct decision. A strong internal indictment that this is something that should and will be done. OK, now what? Do I go on a sperm hunt? Since Iím not married, do I launch a gold-digging search for my Babyís Fauva (Iím from Jersey)? What?
M ... read more
Welcome to my Decision 14 y
The reason I have decided to post on Curezone.
I have decided to have a child. Yea for me!! Anyway, whereas Iím excited and have been at it for about 2 months, the internet location where I initially posted my blog gets no hits. I really would appreciate respectful imput So I have decided to blog there and here. The address is http://babymuva.blogspot.com in case you were interested. But like I said, I will post in both places.
Thabk you in advance for the respectful input. visit the page