I deserve to live!!!!
by noni-man

MY Story   12 y  
This is my lifestory in parts and the past, which cannot be redone. Learn from it and go on forwardm just don´t know how yet
 
I know, that I am loved by god and my family around me. Now is the time to start living. I was born June 1956, my Father was and is a man of god, a spiritual leader and moved to Utah to follow a call by the LDS church. Most of my life was about dealing with being the son of my dad. My mother is a beautiful lady, who gave up her own life thru service for others. She put a wall around her spirit, which stopped people around her to get too close to her. Even today I cannot hug her. It feels like a cold wall. Yet she is wonderful and believes in me. At the age of 12 I was introduced to mast ...   read more



 
Day 2 of fasting   12 y  
a wonderful example of a friend, who fasted and prayed for 7 days.
 
I am totally empty. I feel overpowered by the circumstances of my life. Yet I know that suicide is not a solution. But still even though that knowledge I feel like going the chicken way out, as most of my life. I am fasting even without water today and yesterday. I really want to get healed this time. I like the example of a friend, that he gave me. Listen to his words: ”I heard a man, who wishes to remain anonymous, tell of a personal experience which sheds some light upon the atonement. His experience could be called a vision, or a dream. His experience could be called a vision, or ...   read more



 
mood going down   12 y  
despair, despair
 
I have not written for a long time. Today I started a fast, finally. I want to go at least 7 days. I feel totally wrotten and helpless. I went to a clinic yesterday and have received a possibility to go into a clinic in a few weeks. Will that really help me? I doubt that. I feel really depressed about everything in life. I even mentioned suicide to my oldest son. Later he ran through the woods, crying and sobbing. How dumn can I be to mention that to my own son. Oh god,I need thee NOW.   visit the page



 
the past is gone, the future is not there yet   12 y  
Sunday thoughts, focusine more on others then on myself
 
There is NOTHING, I can do to change anything that happened in the past. Right now is the only moment I live and the next day or hour or minute or second is not there yet. So I will focus on the moment and will not allow myself to be pulled down by circumstances. Today I am committet to fast, even if it takes to stay in bed all sunday afternoon. So far I didn´t eat or drink until 2pm. I went to church this morning and was fed by the Holy Spirit. I have so many things to decide right now, that the only way to do that is to grasp hold onto the word of god and be positive, believing in myse ...   read more



 
Saturday   12 y  
still struggling, not giving up
 
This morning I decided to have breakfast with our family, since we were all there and we could talk and share. But now it is 4 pm and I really feel the desire to start my fast. Tomorrow I will go to church again and will feel the guilt of some of the things that I have done this week to loose the influence of god in my life. I really want to get back on my feet. I suffer also from many many symptoms of ADHD and that is why I want to change my eating habits. I cannot focus on my work at all. I am selfemployed and must motivate myself. that is very hard at the moment.   visit the page



 
struggling hard   12 y  
struggling on my first day,
 
On my first day I already gave up, no I interruptedt. When I felt stressed yesterday, i just went into the kitchen and really binged. I will not hate me for that. Tomorrow (Saturday, here its already Friday in germany ) I will restart the latest. I really want to get my life back in order. I can´t focus on my job at all and I might even consider a stay in a clinic. In the past I have tried many therapists whose support I just couldn´t or wouldn´t integrate in my life. It would be already a success if I managed to write this blod for longer then 2 weeks or so, even if I don´t manage t ...   read more



 
New Life?   12 y  
rock bottom, addictions, ready to change? starting a fast
 
How often have I said that I would start new. I am 49 years young, male , married and we live in Germany. I have not been able to focus on my career for years now. I am addicted to food and online se*. Of course my marriage is really in danger because of that. I have tried to fast many times and even switch to raw food, which I managed for 8 weeks at one time. Today I started another fast and I really wanna stick with it longer. The doctor I went to this morning, suggested to me to enter a clinic for 6 weeks. I might be ready for it. Thanks for reading M.   visit the page



 
 

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I am 49, live in germany, and have suffered from addictions for many years. I also have the symptoms of ADS and really want to getr my life in order again… more...

Last Activity: 12 y ago
7 Messages   Last message 12 y ago
4 Comments   Last comment 12 y ago

viewed 33,076 times
Created: 12 y   Oct 06 2005

Comments (4 of 4):
Current Siituation 42tige… 12 y
Your pain is share… deocd… 12 y
There is hope... miss lib… 12 y
Every great journe… kermi… 12 y
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