a bad time 18 y
thatís what iíve been having lately. itís probably partly due to PMS. every month i think iím spiraling back downward, mentally, until the cramps begin, and i realize it was just PMS. but it is scary. itís eerie how much PMS feels like the fall into depression. letís hope it lets up again this month, like it usually does.
but things are not good right now, so thereís definitely reason to feel bad. my family is full of tension, and i am experiencing flare-ups of real hate towards various family members. iím trying very hard to let that go. but iím not really succeeding. m. is being awful ... read more
Good deeds... 18 y
...are completely contagious! Itís amazing how easily they become integrated into oneís life.
I mean, I feel like I am generally a pretty nice/friendly person in regular life. Yes, I can be mean sometimes, like anyone, but I am rarely anything but friendly and nice to strangers. I try not to be mean at all, and I think I succeed most of the time. If I am ever rude, it is to people that I am working with who have been extremely rude to me first (generally for an extended period of time). Not that it is excusable, but sometimes the frustration just builds and builds, and I kind of snap. I ... read more
ski season! 18 y
well, ski season is approaching, and i am totally psyched. even if we donít have any stupid snow yet. i was really looking forward to spending thanksgiving on the slopes.
i just bought my third (and final!) pair of ski boots of the season. why so many pairs? because i am ridiculously stubborn, and after hours and hours of research, i found a pair online that i was certain would work for me. and they were a super, super good deal (85% off retail!). and i cannot pass up a good deal. when they didnít fit, did i acquiesce and go to a bootfitter, which is what every single website says one ... read more
volunteering 18 y
i spent a nice evening looking through local volunteer opportunities online. yes, iím procrastinating (i am loathing my work at the moment, and am just yearning for a real break--but when am i not loathing my work?), but at least iím procrastinating in a fulfilling way.
there are so many neat programs! and the time commitments are so reasonable! it is a strange, and somewhat embarrassing thing, but i have never volunteered in my whole life. iíve donated to many causes, but never actually given my time. last month, though, i signed up to volunteer at the local humane society, which is re ... read more
observations 18 y
as well as things are going in my life at the moment, iím having a weird litany of minor health problems. weíre talking truly minor (well, aside for the anxiety, but anxiety and depression are more constants than new problems), but the list is a little disturbing, taken all at once. recently, i became somewhat convinced that i might have very early stage MS, just based on the sum of them. (my aunt has MS, so my risk factors are higher for it)
i have been:
a) having weird problems with my jaw for about four months now. iíve never had problems with it before, and the problems are rarel ... read more
home again... 18 y
well, staying with my grandparents for such a long time was a rather incredible experience. i learned a lot and observed a lot. i know i am amazingly privileged to have had this opportunity to not only help them out, but to get to know them better. the two weeks had their ups and downs, for sure, but i am so glad i went.
i have been procrastinating horribly with work,however, as i am just totally worn out mentally. i had two clients who had work due back to them days ago, and i just am refusing to do it. i feel like i have nothing to myself, and that is the only protest i can make. iíll ... read more
what i wouldn't do... 18 y
...for a full nightís sleep. if i can manage to make it through today and tomorrow, it will be a miracle. visit the page
... 18 y
oh my god, i am in waaaay over my head. my grandparents are doing ok (in terms of life and death), but both of them really need a lot more help than they are willing to accept. it is a total nightmare. i thought iíd be able to help, but the type of help they need is actually out of my reach to offer. the idea was for me to help them as they got back to their regular life, but the truth is, they were already stretched too thin before. now they are trying to return to a life that wasnít quite working previously, but definintely is out of reach now. it is, understandably, extremely difficult ... read more
cranky 18 y
well, my household is very cranky at the moment. M. is sick, and neither of us are very pleasant when we are sick. actually, iím probably a good deal worse than he is on this count, but since iím feeling fine at the moment (physically, at least), it is a lot easier to notice what a pain heís being. i think heís being as supportive as he can be for me, given how bad he feels, but i just am getting a little tired of his constant griping. iím functioning relatively well, considering, so i donít need him to go out of his way to support me (at least not right now, while heís ill), but i am goin ... read more
ugh, work 18 y
no, itís not spiritual work iím referring to. itís good old fashioned pay the bills work.
i just have such a hard time concentrating on my work when things in my life are off-kilter. i should have finished todayís work by mid-afternoon at the latest, but it is pretty certain that iíll be up until four tonight (if iím lucky) completing it. i have a full schedule tomorrow as well.
iím having an especially difficult time dealing with one of my customers. i find him outrageously demanding, and every time i decide to just acquiesce to one of his demands (with the thought that its just eas ... read more
impulses 18 y
thereís so much talk about the idea of Ēimpulse control.Ē usually it focuses on the idea that impulses should not be followed blindly.
i do think, however, that sometimes one comes to junctures in life in which certain impulses are crucial. lately iíve been surprised to find myself sort of on auto-pilot away from the direction in which i was previously headed. i donít necessarily think iíve been consciously choosing my reactions and actions. and i mean this in the best possible way, because quite frankly, i feel that i have been guided by something.
i donít see it as unempowering mys ... read more
deep south 18 y
i am going to go to alabama for a few weeks to help my grandparents for a while. i will probably be leaving on thursday, so i have a few days to get my things in order. i was thinking about going for 4-5 weeks (until after thanksgiving), but my mom is suggesting that i only go for two. she visits my grandparents 7-8 times a year, and she says she doesnít think i will be able to handle much longer than two weeks, but that it will still be enough to be helpful.
now, my mom isnít exactly famous for being right very often, but she emphasized that my grandmotherís sister is going to come out ... read more
... 18 y
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well, i just got an email from my mom that said that my grandmother had a heart attack on thursday. as it pretty obvious from the (very) late notice, it was very, very mild, and she is completely fine, but it is upsetting all the same.
i am very lucky as far as grandparents go. i have three sets of grandparents because i have a stepmother that is like a parent to me (i also have a stepfather, but i am not close to him at all, so iíve never even met his parents). out of my six grandparents, five are still alive. i know i am so, so lucky to have them.
my dadís dad died when i was fourt ... read more
Add Blog To Your Favorites!After a lifetime of depression, my condition was formally diagnosed three years ago. I have explored many avenues for recovery and continue to struggle with my physical, emotional and spiritual health. I write in order to further identify my difficulties and to celebrate my recovery.Ö more...
Last Activity: 18 y ago
30 Messages Last message 18 y ago
42 Comments Last comment 18 y ago
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Created: 18 y Apr 16 2005
Comments (10 of 42):
you are a pearl 9thbody 18 y
YEAH! I am jealousÖ 9thboÖ 18 y
Amen brother 9thbody 18 y
Re: Have I told yoÖ drofiÖ 18 y
Have I told you laÖ 9thboÖ 18 y
I love you completÖ 9thboÖ 18 y
uh oh... i goofed.Ö drofiÖ 18 y
you are so hilarioÖ drofiÖ 18 y
fear... woodlawn 18 y
Woodlawn- Hi!9th hÖ 9thboÖ 18 y
All Comments (42)
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