Harpo's passion and sense of guilt by Tina Andrews .....

Date:   6/26/2006 6:42:17 PM ( 15 y ago)
Popularity:   message viewed 1014 times
URL:   http://www.curezone.org/blogs/c/fm.asp?i=997159

In reading this honest account of my Dad I have to admit I am having some strange feelings about all of this. For some reason my Dad seemed to always have female friends my age. When I was in high school he was letting high school girls live with him in Lake Tahoe. He claimed many of them had family problems and as a result were homeless. Many of them were unwed mothers. He helped them through their time of crisis. My mother never fell out of love for my Dad. Even though she had had another marriage proposal she turned down her chances to start a new life as she held on to Dad. It was rather pathetic to see. As a child I would have loved if she had married someone else so we could have a normal life. Instead my Mom was like a young teenage girl waiting by the phone for her boyfriend to call.

Mary seems like a beautiful woman. She has sent me a picture of her and my Dad.
They looked beautiful together. I am not sure if it is proper to post publically she had slept with my Dad. Obviously my Dad is a man who was sexually active. However it always did make me feel uneasy as I would like to think of my Dad not dating younger women but women closer to his own age. If Dad and Mary became a couple he should have not felt guilty about it. He should have accepted the responsibilities that came with. Instead of feeling so guilty they could have gotten married. Most religions accept sex as being a normal exchange of love between partners within the sacramanet of marriage. I don't want to sound bitter but I can only think of one word, LOSER. Dad had a chance for love with my Mom, with Mary with all sorts of women I am sure (and there are stories maybe with men..but those may only be stories..in the 40's most muscle men were thought of as being gay or bi sexual..Dad's outfits or lack of outfits makes us wonder...but that would be okay...again if Dad would just be honest with himself)

I think Dad hid behind his bible and prayers. Recently I inherited some of his journals and writings. Dad was always worrying about life. He lived out of fear and was constantly praying for his salvation. He became a real fanatic; instead of allowing people to come into his life he was chasing many away except for the few who were in his prayer group and were willing to follow his rules, his way of thinking and his way to live their lives.

Secretly I had hoped Dad would return to my Mom so I would have had him full time in my life. I think most kids from divorced parents always fantasize about this. My Mom accepted everything about my Dad, but she had hoped he would grow up a bit and show some responsibility by keeping a job and contributing some money toward our living expenses. (Yet he gave bundles of money away to strangers) My Mom did not expect him to support us completely. She was independent and worked her entire life. In fact she began worked in high school to help her mom who was always a single parent. Mome just wanted Dad to help her instead of coming to us always empty handed but full of love and his endless stories.

Certainly Mary was unlike the teenage girls an adult. (I believe she is only 2 years older than myself...so I am feeling a bit strange right now thinking about this) Most men who remarry often marry girls in their 20's; I believe Mary was in her mid 30's so it is not really out of the ordinary.

During high school I often would get sick to my stomach thinking my Dad might be some kind of pervert. It certainly did not look proper in the 60's that my Dad was living with girls under the age of 18 who were sexually active. I think he did get in trouble with one of them and their family almost sued my Dad and brought the police to get their daughter to return home. These runaways did not tell their parents where they were. Now as a mother of three girls I would really be freaked out if my young teenage girls were living with a man in his late 40's, which I believe was the age of my Dad back then. It sounds sick and disgusting to me.

Living most of my life in San Francisco I worked out these strange feeling and tried to be open minded. I grew up in the time of Free Love and the hippie generation. As much as I tried to accept their beliefs and try not to have negative feelings about my Dad and be lose and free I was uptight. I always thought first came marriage and them came love making. With a love for musicals and romantic movies I had no sense of reality. Luckily I did not get married until my late 20's so I did have a chance to live and learn about love before making a commitment to one man. I made a few mistakes along the way. I have surprised everyone in my family that I have been with one man, married no less, for over 26 years. It is really impressive. Considering the dating experiences I had and former boyfriends afraid to commit it is really a miracle. God loves me even though I do not go to church and I do not pray as often as I should. I am blessed especially with my four children and all the experiences I have had watching them grow up to become beautiful adults. I can only hope now for grandchildren......


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