- Time To Get Freaking Real With Myself, Right? by #63992
- Dealing with Mother by #63992 14 y
- had to respond by finallyfaith 14 y
- I agree by Elenna 14 y
- moms... by annaconda 14 y
I have major issues with my mom as well, or I did. She had multiple affairs and asked my dad for a divorce, breaking my family in half (not that it was in such a great place to start).
I knew about the affairs for about 7 years before they got divorced, and I didn't say anything to my dad, because I felt he wouldn't do anything, that he'd just be hurt, and that it wasn't my business.
After some crazy partying years in college (UC Berkeley) I came home, and I told my mom everything. Stuff I didn't and never will tell most people in my life. And that lead to her telling me, well not everything, but it led to her communicating with me in a more real way than she ever had before.
Now I'm basically her confidante, we talk all the time, and she's really being supportive of me, and I am being supportive of her, as we both go through a lot of stuff.
Congratulations on your wedding. I'm planning for mine too. But as someone who wants to take stock of her life and "get real" I'm telling you you CANNOT ambush your mom on her property with a wedding. It's avoidance to the utmost.
You can plan out some talking points, and go talk to your mom with strength and honesty. Bring a bottle of wine, that helps. But BE THE BIGGER PERSON!!!
Come up with strategies in advance for dealing at whatever she might throw at you:
saying you can't have the wedding
(mom, I understand you do not approve, but I am planning my wedding on the family property, and it would mean a lot to me if you could come and share in this joyous occasion. you being there would not just mean a lot to me, you would also be there representing my father)
saying you can't have the wedding and she'll call the cops and kick you out
(do you really think she'll do that? If so, I have no idea what you'd say to her!)
saying she's excommunicating you from her family, etc.
Sounds like she's probably in a lot of pain too. If you can try to reach out to her in a caring way, setting aside all your complexes and all your tendencies and all the baggage you've been dragging around (like we all have), you've got a shot to have an awesome wedding.
You owe it to her and to yourself to try to include her in the festivities.
Good freaking luck. Now the 20 pounds I have left to lose doesn't seem so tough!
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