- Shock & Healing by YourEnchantedGardener
18 y
1,724 3 Messages Shown
Blog: Plant Your Dream!
I want to write this out of my system.
I know I can do that through writing.
I call this Divine Madness.
Have you ever really, really gotten
so fluent with your feelings,
so authentic, so outpouring,
that as you wrote, you started
to get naturally high?
The natural high comes as we
get in touch with pure uncensored
creativity.
Creativity is a natural force.
For some, as me, it can also become
addicting, and a distraction.
I have been asking,
How can I manage my creative genius?
It is not an ego trip to realize you are a genius
in some aspect of your self.
Genius is a quality of being able to dip into
the cosmic soup of highly inspired thought,
summon enough energy to use your God given Talents,
and then bring that genius into form.
I am gazing upon five lovely Love Cures
right in front of my face right now that I brought
through in spite of intense Crack material
that has been absorbing me when I take
my creative blinders off.
I could make a laundry list of all the fears
and trauma that I am experiences right now.
It is giving me some solace to look at this four
of the Seven Love Cures.
They are pure beauty, with post card format on the back.
They are laminated. You can write a message with
an 8 1/2 by 11 Sharpie on the back, put on 63 cents
of stamps, and then put them right into the mail.
Sorrounding the marketing of these Poetry Plaques
are so many painful energies that would have me
give up on this pure beauty.
At last year's MEGA MARKETING BOOK university,
my ally Mark Victor Hansen O.K'ed me reading one of
The Seven Love Cures at one of the VIP lunches.
He, Jack Canfield, and the whole room of VIP's repeated the
words!!! Can you believe that!!!!
I started to work the room. I never made in beyond the first
table. Two women were so enthralled that they said I broke
the code. One of them bought a set.
I have been in shock from a lot of things the last few months,
so I thought I would call up my friend from the table and
reconnect. She said she was thinking of me too.
She was generous with her time.
She told me about all these wonderful Women's Conferences.
I sold her $150.00 worth of the Love Cures.
I mailed them out. Then, I never heard from her again.
When I call her phone #, there is a block from receiving
calls from me.
So what did I do wrong?
How do I get my energies up to go to this Mark Victor Hansen
event in spite of this impactful occurrence?
I feel so bad that in managing my Creative Genius
I do so many things that I have not even followed up
on some of those contacts from last year.
I did have an incredible Enchanted Garden Campaign
in '05. I did an amazing super human job with the
International Feng Shui Conference, but even that
had some down after effects.
So this is the Pattern.
Look at it! I am looking at it:
I have this big Crack--one of many.
I get stuck in it and make out of Life a Hell hole.
Here is where it comes from:
from my Garden Management Journal:
I am so ashamed
Every woman becomes my mother
giving me comfort and then going away.
It is a pattern. It started with my mother
who gave me comfort and then left for good
when I was 15. She died of cancer.
It’s the same pleasurable and then
shocking pattern, and it will not shift
unless I do.
9:33 AM
February 23,06
My father. He instilled
a sense of me of living as a
criminal, outside the law.
He was not available.
When he was, it was as a
dictator forcing religion
upon me. He yelled and screamed.
10:30 AM
February 23, 06
So the question is...would you
be in a relationship with a man
who had this kind of material in one of
his Cracks that would bound to come up
from time to time?
The amazing part is...I see this is a part of me...
but it is not all of me. The bigger part of me
is very endearing, loveable, and a great listener.
I would like to evolve out of the Crack I am setting.
Look how it repeats with the woman
from Mark Victor Hansen....
She loves me...she gives me energy...
then she abandons me.
This is my pattern.
How do I get through it?
How do I put my own arms around this
little kid who is in shock?
How do I find my relationship with my Soul
more frequently?
I am so profoundly
frustrated...
lost...
sad...
hurt
disillusioned...
and more.
My room is so filled with
the most beautiful works of writing
and art and they are not in the world.
One thing at a time, my guidance says.
Do something with these Seven Love Cures.
Take them up to Mark Victor Hansen's in LA
even though I am not registered to be in the seminar.
The Trade Show is free. Last time, I did put down
the money. it was somewhere around $800.00.
Then I showed up and I felt sick. I withdrew. They gave
me my money back. I could not see sitting in that room
for three days. I walked out. Then I saw Mark and he
was so happy to see me, so he comped me in.
This is not something that they do. They are very business,
so don't even try it.
[Free teleseminars...
this pitch the weekend, but give some good
coaching for getting your work out.
http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=1279 ]
So here I am....I was up this early AM before dawn.
My Creative Spirit was feeling so good.
I was maybe passified because I made a new friend
yesterday, Donna, who did some amazing gardening here.
She says she is giving me a deposit check today to move in.
That is another shock. I can't tell you how many times
I have been let down being the manager here with people
saying they are moving in and then backing out.
See the Pattern. It is the same pattern!!!!!
So what are your patterns that repeat and repeat?????
Please, do you think I am just writing this for me????
Of course, it is for me...
but can you see yourself in my writing here????
HOMEWORK: What is stopping you from
your health
happiness,
success?????
That is a question.
Comments welcome on this BLOG.
How real can you be with your own pattern?
Do you see what you are doing?
So here is my TEST
TEST
TEST
WIll I follow spirit and do some of the things
that my raw Creative Spirit is saying to do?
With all the times I feel I have failed going to the
marketplace, how is this going to be any different
going up there?
I want to go. I want to challenge myself to go
as a way to get into me.
I need to show myself I can pull myself up
into my Soul in spite of all the shock and disbelief
I have experienced in the last few months.
I have been in misery.
I have created this pattern in about five ways.
I have created--dare I say it?
A best friend who by ner nature will come and go
and change her mind...it is her nature to change her
mind.
How safe is it to open your heart fully to a woman
who--guaranteeds--or more than five and 1/2 year suggests
is going to be close some times and them pull away other times?
Shock
Shock
Shock
repeat
repeat
repeat
I am the one doing the choosing.
I am the one who is mad.
Why would someone choose a best friend/former lover
who is sure to not be a stable place to invest your deep love?
The answer is: Soul Growth.
She is who she is.
We can never change anyone.
We can only change ourself.
Amazingly, sometimes when we shift
everyone around us also shifts
because we are looking in a mirror
when we see them.
[BUT I am not going to count on my friend
from being any different and doing anything
other than what she says.]
As William Spear says,
There is only one of us here.
Get on with it Goldman...
Put on your magic Enchanted hat
do your rituals
find your disciples
{ slip of fingers or message????
I meant to write disciplines...]
let your Soul out to Play
and Make Love to this entire world
so deeply needing you now.
Practical NOTES TO DO:
Do not be afraid...
Follow your Spirit Guidance Now
please Leslie.
Let go of your hurt feelings of let down.
It is a game. All a game. It is not Real.
What is Real is the Real Game.
1. Stock Photo CD for OTA and Amy...
Thank you for working with the photos
late last night while watching those lovely
looking female ice skaters at the Winter Olympics.
2. Get those photos assemblied. You have a great
collection.
3. Get it done and mailed to Amy.
Send her an email...
Leave out the part about wanting to read a poem.
IT will evolve naturally. Just do one on one...
with the folks.
We are sending you some new helpers and mentors
in the Natural Food Industry who will respond to you.
Go to Mark's if you want that juice, but you already
have more than the contacts that you need.
Contact Patty, the President of Chicken Soup.
She likes you...She is on your team.
Contact Peter, the President of Health Communications
Inc, the publishers of Chicken Soup for the Soul...
Have him turn The Seven Love Cures into a book.
Yes, feel you feelings Leslie, but you style is doing it anyway.
Your Soul shines when you are doing your happiness.
So get out there, and be amazed for the 1000th time
and see what happens when you do your EG Campaigns.
Keep it simple....
Organic Celebration '06
You did so good last year...
Make a CD of Feng Shui Conference
for the web site....as you promised.
{Why???? eg]
Because you said you would.
Do what you say, you will do.
[How about the lady, who wanted to move in...
the young one???}
O.K. to offer her space in the garden,
and hospitality.
Donna is the one for the room.
You need to money. You can't wait on someone
who hasn't put down the deposit.
Steps to secure the house...
Build up the Garden energy....
Let us help you.
We will help you.
Lay your foundation.
Work it organically, step by step.
Do some work...
We are glad to be in touch.
your Guidance.
Work with the photos now...
they are filled with energy...
[thank you, I am tired!
I need more rest and some nurturing...}
Rest, and take in the healing energy now.
We love you. Let your love shine.
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YourEnchantedGardener
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- Like a backwards mirror? by Deradune
18 y
937
Hi Leslie!
I've been going through a lot lately too...and a lot of soul-searching about life and love, and looking at my past relationships for patterns, etc.
One thing I see is that it is not easy for me to stay with a man for very long. The first knee-jerk reaction is to say to myself that is wrong, I should stay with them, but then I remember the situations and I can only feel that I only did what I HAD to do.
The only times it makes me unhappy not to have a life partner are the times I have decided I must have one in order to be happy or fulfilled. I haven't wanted to, but I have to admit to myself that I am quite happy without a partner too. I say "too" because I am happy when I am with one, but then for OTHER reasons I am happy when without one!
The Backwards Mirror: Maybe I am like the one you speak of who loves you and then abandons you. There is no doubt in my mind that some of my past lovers probably felt or feel that way about me. As if I abandoned them. But the thing is, I wasn't born hooked onto other person. I'm just me -- two legs, two arms and all that. And the only way I REALLY know how to function in ALL cases is with my own edicts -- my own perceptions, needs, thoughts, desires. Once I commit to another, it is like having one of my legs tied to another person's leg in a potato sack race and it's like "Oh no! He's going east and I need to go west!" and then unhappiness and struggle as I feel a need for independence, freedom -- freedom to do and be what I need to do and be.
The crazy part is that I forget that sometimes, and then I think the ideal thing for me would be to be with someone, like a family, even if it's just the two of us. It works great for raising kids if both have that child as anchor of something they feel a need to do: nurture, love and guide that child. But what if there is no child? Then it seems like we would have to be really, really, really compatible, wanting almost all the same things. Can I find a person like that? I don't know!
My last love was a chain smoker and I ended up smoking more right when I was quitting. He loves SAD and cooked foods and I struggle with trying to stay on mostly raw vegetarian diet.
I have come to a feeling of some peace about things in the last couple of days about all this. I feel like I need to just be happy being me and doing what I want and need to do, and realize that I cannot "settle" for someone who is too different from me in wants and needs.
My mother abandoned me when I was 8 years old. I know abandonment, and feeling unwanted. Overcoming those feelings is best done without the help of a partner, in my opinion, because then things would be projected onto that person.
Sometimes I feel I have so much love to give and would love to be with a man the rest of my life. Other times I feel terribly afraid of feeling suffocated, or losing my identity. I don't think these things would be a problem if I really found the right man. I feel I have never found him, and I don't know that I ever will. I want to be able to live with that.
Meanwhile, I just quit smoking and I can tell you from previous times I quit that I may get a bit crazy in my expression.
What I kept finding myself thinking in your story here is not so much that you have a pattern -- a favorite way therapists look at things -- but that perhaps you too just have not found the right person yet.
Right now it takes a lot to learn to love oneself and love the world amid the strange chaos that is happening today. I am grateful for every day that I can feel my blessings. I know it's so true that it's not a matter of what is happening but a matter of my attitude and how I choose to perceive things. I can be in a terrible situation and feel fine with the right attitude; and in a beautiful situation and feel terrible with the wrong attitude.
I used to, as an adolescent, relate to the song "Ruby Tuesday." It is funny how much now, so many years later, I still relate to it today. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but the song makes me feel good:
She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don’t matter if it’s gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes
Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you...
Don’t question why she needs to be so free
She’ll tell you it’s the only way to be
She just can’t be chained
To a life where nothing’s gained
And nothing’s lost
At such a cost
There’s no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind
In life unkind
Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you...
****
Hugs,
Michele
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Deradune
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- Re: Like a backwards mirror? by #46522
18 y
878
"Sometimes I feel I have so much love to give and would love to be with a man the rest of my life. Other times I feel terribly afraid of feeling suffocated, or losing my identity.'
Yes! I feel like I have a ball-and-chain around my neck when I'm in relationship with a man who is not right for me. Thanks so much for your post!
And Your E.G.--ever thought that the woman you were with who came and went, came and went, did so because the two of you were not meant to be together long term and she was trying to make it work but it couldn't? Maybe some of your issues, as well as hers, got in the way. Relationships are a two-way street.
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