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  • I Miss My Kids and My Husband   by  vch     6 y     1,592       5 Messages Shown       Blog: Dying from Parasitic Dissemination
    In three days it will be my husband, E, and my 10yr wedding anniversary. I would have never imagined in 2005, being so dire sick in 2015. I was thrilled to be marrying my best friend, the love of my life.

    I was a different person in 2005. Healthy, vibrant and happy. It saddens me to have gone through such adversities. I longed to have children, be a mom; try to be the kind of loving mom that my mom was. She was a real sweet mom. We used to call her "church lady" because she was always doing something with the church and bringing communion to the sick. She was always there for us, her family. It's been hell on her to see me so sick, even though she doesn't really get it. She does see my body growing more frail. I would hurt to be in her shoes. I hurt to be in my shoes. I know that I am sick with a systemic parasitic infection which is very scary, to think of my own mortality at such a young age-- I would never have imagined.

    I detest that I am not with my kids right now! Regardless of what my husband thinks, I know that this "infection" is infectious. I never meant to give it to my children. I feel such guilt for so many reasons. I never, ever, ever meant to get my babies sick. They are sooo young. They DO NOT deserve this! And, I feel guilt for kissing my husband. Honestly, a wife should be able to kiss her love. But, I knew I was sick. I feel so much remorse and guilt over that. He doesn't believe me. I pray he and our children will be okay. I'm just sick (literally right now) to my stomach over all of this! I love God and I pray to make it to Heaven. I never meant to be such a sinner. I know He took our sins when He died on the cross. I have a conscience though and feel horrible for all of my sins.

    I want to go home to get to hug my son and daughter and husband, maybe one last time?...I would do anything and everything to take back the moment I gave my son the thermos. Oh, I ache. My children are precious beyond all words. And yes, it may sound crazy, but if you had this infection you would understand!

    I never dreamed of dying before I was elderly. It's so scary. I don't know if I have days, weeks or months. I don't know about my children either. It's really hard to imagine a year. I want my health back, damnit! My kids, oh my kids, they didn't ask for this life, for such heavy burdens. They don't deserve any of this pain. My heart is crushed for them. It is a death sentence without treating a hyper-infection. I am sure they caught it, I know that they did. I miss my kids so much, they don't even know me anymore; I have been away four months. I want to go home, they're my children! My husband is so different than the man I married, disbelieving me. He threatens to divorce me if I go home because he does not believe about parasites and their being infectious. I am hurt deeply because I just want to hold my babies. I don't know if I will ever get to again because I am so weak and they have this. I have done my research, strongyloidiasis is contagious in saliva; I think most all hyperinfections are. Misdiagnosed with colitis. :( I hurt in the worst way possible. I, personally, didn't believe in parasites three years ago. I can see how this would be hard to understand, for others reading it.

    All those years with chronic diarrhea and I kept getting IV after IV after IV of steroids. What a bad move for someone with worms/parasites. A move that my GI will never admit. That is okay, I forgive her. She didn't know better. I did ask her before she cut a hole in my stomach for a PEG feeding tube, if we could treat for parasites. Ironically, I had read a Times magazine (or similar) in her clinic's waiting room that had a huge article on parasites being deadly and that they do exist. She wouldn't empirically treat me for parasites without a positive stool test. Interestingly, in my research, I learned why O&P tests are so poor. The specimen must be collected immediately, sent quickly (fresh) to the lab, and the technician must see "it swim across the slide". It's no wonder that the RN of 16yrs at UF said none of those tests ever return positive. If only.....my family may not be in this predicament.

    God bless all of those whom are reading this!
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    • Re: I Miss My Kids and My Husband   by  peggyaus     6 y     998
      VCH I can hear that you are very distressed and I wish I could take away all of your problems and worries. Are you able to take on board that everyone has parasites - even your husband before he met you? I think you will get better. I say this because I am better after a hideous scattering event and being full of all kinds of parasties (and still am) - and life did eventually return back to "normal", and I am now living with my parasites without them troubling me too much. You just need to hang in there, don't do anything rash like take your life and believe that your gut can be healed and your parasite load reduced.
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      • Re: I Miss My Kids and My Husband   by  vch     6 y     766
        Hi Peggy,
        Thanks for the hopeful words. I won't take my life. I do fear the disseminated tapeworms and other parasites will do that. I have had many close encounters with death from this hyper-infection. Two abnormal EKGs- where I couldn't breathe (not panic, migrating worms/larvae). I also had a near death experience, I think BBB was crossed. Also, near cardiac arrest (HR BPM from 35-220). Terrifying. I understand everybody has parasites but hyper-infection of strongyloidiasis, ascariasis, and taeniasis (pork tapeworm) is contagious and deadly, unfortunately. I know that I infected innocent family members. I wouldn't wish this disease on anybody. I have so much guilt and shame over it. Unlike others, I was on IV steroids and steroid pills for 3-4yrs for misdiagnosed worms. I was having diarrhea that the doctor merely treated as Crohn's. I am very glad you got your life back. I am clinging, grasping to mine. This hyperinfection has gone on for one yr untreated. Came close to being a statistic a number of times. If you can help me, guide me, share your treatment, I would literally be indebted to you for life. I do not wish to die. Blessings to you for a long, prosperous life.
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        • Re: I Miss My Kids and My Husband   by  peggyaus     6 y     970
          Dear VCH

          You've been through alot.

          If it helps any, here is what helped me alot.

          I changed my diet, strictly no grains, and no gluten - that means, no bread, no pasta, and increased fats. I live on vegetables, meat, eggs, salads and nuts.

          I zapped almost 8 hours a day for a period of about six months.

          I use MSM, N-Acetyl Cysteine and zinc daily.

          Coffee enemas daily.

          Know that most of the paras love food and the best place to find food is in the intestines. Its rare for them to stay outside of their favorite place for long.

          I did several rounds of ICU protocol. But just know the liver is not up for that sort of bombardment for long and as well as this needs to process alot of dead parasites; this is why getting the colon moving daily and the coffee enemas are vital.

          It is very unlikely from what I've learned (everyone has paras) that you have passed anything on to family members they didn't already have.

          Love and healing to u.

          x
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        • Re: I Miss My Kids and My Husband   by  peggyaus     6 y     941
          p.s.

          I forgot to mention, I also do fairly regular liver flushes.

          xx
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