9:49 am
January 10, 2011


Freaking out inside.
Took some FES Fear Less Fourish remedy.
The Flourish line are my remedies of choice
for runaway emotions,


I know we are in a Shift.
It is one thing to experience this in our heads,
another to have runaway events,
so overwhelming, that the basis of our foundation
and stability is in earthquake
and we are shaking inside.

What do we do in times like these?

The other day, I spend more than eight hours
with the intent to organize and clear some things in my office
attached to my bedroom.

My original strategy was to have one solid
book case filled with organized and condensed materials.
I would have to get ride of near 4/5ths of my things
if I move from here. If I stay, it would take extraordinary
summoning of strength, conviction, communication,
and will power.

I am taking some steps in both directions.

I store things in notebook for the most part to
organize my head.

I got caught in one spiral bound notebook for 45 hours
or more that contained some signers of the Declaration of
Interdependence that was a mainstay focus for a time in the
80's and 90's. This notebook had names from an
AHP Conference in San Diego, including the name of George Leonard,
who was the keynote speaker. That was the summer
of 1993. I read this declaration right before George.
That summer I had three spots on stage in powerful
places on the program, and yet no all were unplanned.

There was a Fellowship of Communities gathering in
Olympia. Do one knew me from Adam. I ended up
directing the Closing Ceremony.

Early that summer, the same thing happened.
I attended my first Kallah of the Jewish Renewal Community
in Berkeley. I did not know any of the planners in this highly
structured and pre-planned event. I also led
the Closing Ceremony.

I had a partial scholarship, with some funds coming from
the pocket of Reb Zalman, the grandfather of the Jewish Renewal Movement.
It turned out he was recovering from pneumonia, and could not
make it to the event. Through a strange series of events,
I was welcomed to sit with the other Rabbi's in a post conference
just for them. Who can say how things like that happen?
It is likely fated, or the quality of our soul creates these kind
of opportunities.

That gathering of the Jewish Renewal Community was my honeymoon
in Jewish Renewal. Things went painfully downhill after that,
but somehow, looking back ten or more years later, I survived.

It is good to know that we can survive.
This is the name of a book I helped Dr Bernard Jensen write,
"Survive This Day." The intent was actually to create
a "Magic Survival Kit" that has more to do with Thriving than
merely surviving. The premise was that in regaining our beat
with nature, we could regain balanced living.

That is a message that is deeply needed by all of us today.
We are in a Shift, a tremendous, unnerving shift.
Who can say where we will land, unless it is on firm ground
that will likely be as dark as fertile soil.
Only here will the soul, are true inner authority,
find dominion again.

Words. Words.
I was freaking out this morning.

The foundation of my home has never been this unsettled.

It traces to giving in to madness, and allowing
blackmail. It roots to problems I caused myself,
allowing conditions to exist that I never curtailed,
even though they would create an unstable foundation.

My coach points out, you have to leave within the law.

So here I am.
I the verge of losing the home,
the resting place that has allowed me to birth
some very powerful writings and projects since 1982.
I had this place to come out from.
I had a home. I could come back here.

Now, unless I summon some extraordinary
strength, I will consent to sell this place.

The only way I can stop the drift toward
implosion, is doing some very uncomfortable things.

It is cold, wintery. I do not know if I have what it takes.

This early morning, a got notice that
Debbie Friedman, a very elegant singer of prayers, has died.

I am tempted to go up to Orange County
and leave the madness here, to be a part of this
very deep felt gathering, the funeral.

I am not sure I have it inside myself,
unless I ground strongly in the next few hours,
to leave my home now when so much is unsettled.

I better take a stand here now.

Debbie Friedman lived a life a elegance,
and I know she had immune system problems,
but these did not stop her. It is an unbelievable loss
that a woman of such beauty, could possibly die of
an aliment such a pneumonia. How is that possible
in this day?

HOW TO STOP MY OWN COFFIN?

Dr. Bernard Jensen tells a story that comes to mind
this morning. The down side is that I am feeling very
unnerved by the sensation with with all this Shift
going on, I too will die. Would anyone come to my
funeral?

Things are really falling apart.
I have unheard of vacancies here,
one unexpectedly happened on Friday.
I do not want to say too much about that.
Another announcement came the same day
that there would be an impending move out,
the sooner the better.

THE JENSEN STORY

A coffin is going uphill in a Hearst wagon.
The door slipped open and the coffin falls out.
It starts to ramble down the street in the midst
of traffic at high speed.

They, it plows into a pharmacy.
The coffin breaks open and the man inside
sits up. He says, How do I stop this 'caughin!"

Most of us are caughing right now...

[Wow! 10:23 am syncronicity...
I hear a housemate caugh in the basement....
what is going on here?]

Most of us are caughing.
We are not getting enough life in our lungs right now,
and we do not know how to stop the coffin.

How sad.
How very very sad.
What a terrible loss of potential life,
my own. Can I find a way to stop the coffin.
I am scared.

Debbie. Debbie.
You lived your life so well,
so very well. May God hold you forever
in his arms, and may your soul forever bless our earth
with the Grace you have brought us.


*"For whom the bell tolls.
The bell tolls for thee."
--John Donne

http://windchimekits.net/tag/mankind


RELATED

MEMORIAL TO DEBBIE FRIEDMAN
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=1750192



*
Meditation XVII by John Donne—
No man is an island entire of itself;
every man is a piece of the continent,
a part of the main. If a clod be washed away
by the sea, Europe is the less, as well
as if a promontory were, as well as if
a promontory were as well as if a manor of thy friends
or of thine own were. Any man’s death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind,
and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
it tolls for thee.


1:14 pm
January 10, 2011

THINGS I DID

Called back JoAnn
She was reminding me about positive thoughts.
She said it was important to not hold on to shore.
If you hold on to shore you get hurt.

She is in a foreclosure.
It sounds like she has a lot of things,
a full house full.
She said she began purging about a year ago.

I cared for the wheat seeds that were panted yetsterday.

I have no concept how I would move from here
It would be like the Indians of South America who
had no concept that the world was round.
When Columbus came from a distance.
They could not make sense of this.

That is how it feels about moving from this house.

I do not have a concept of this.

I was just down in the basement looking for a
few BioSmart container tops.

We are talking about decades of things.

WHAT TO DO NEXT

Bill sent me the code.
I want to go over and see if I can get my computer to work
there at what might be a new residence.

The other option is to make plans to have a...
to take action....