Blog: Winter Fast 2016
by exposure

35 Days

Boro Kimono

Date:   8/23/2016 3:20:36 AM   ( 7 y ) ... viewed 581 times

The sun is slowly setting on my 35th day in, just left the house for the first time in days (other than to feed the chickens) - car barely started, just took it down to the local post office to check my mail, beautiful day today and most days lately - incredibly warm for this time of year.

Got up and had an Oolong tea, did my morning practice, had a mexican hot choc, continued with more practice - adding a special practice on for a friend that I'm going to be doing every day as I can for some time now as she's struggling with cancer... The practice was beautiful, strong and inspiring, creating a profound clarity and positive state, I meditated a short while then came down from the bright little meditation room in the sky and had a big avocado smoothie that I'd made yesterday.

It hit 3ish, and I felt pretty tired and low on energy - I made a bunch of phone calls sorting out little points of business and getting back to people and my friend who's away called me a little troubled and we spoke for a bit, then I felt so low in energy I lay down and had a 15 min cat nap getting up again and heading out to the local town.

Got my mail - and an amazing antique kimono jacket I bought - very special garment, and meaningful... might be the coolest article of clothing I have owned to date...

Now it's quarter to six, I just made the last of my watermelon juice, it was going rotten so I cut out all the bad stuff and gave that to the chickens and juiced what was ok - just some of the rind and some of the fruit close to the rind, getting a very rind heavy watermelon - I blended a little pomegranate juice I had in with it and am drinking that now, also ate the middle of a cauli-leek pie from the bakery and had a lime with raw sugar and soda water drink. Trying to hydrate more today as my lips have been pretty chapped on and off for a few days now, I've been urinating and expelling in general frequently - and for the past few days - I forgot to mention in my last blog, I've had a painful gum ulcer going on at the back of my mouth behind my wisdom tooth - its been sore, especially on waking, and I can see a little white area (an ulcer or bit of dying gum?) on the gum where it hurts... not sure what's brought that on, if its a fasting symptom of some kind - my gums haven't been bleeding when I brush my teeth which I have had on other fasts, but just this strange issue - pretty painful, it radiates from the slightly swollen gum down my cheek and jaw and neck and up into my ear - as tooth issues tend to do... from time to time I've had a feeling like this when my wisdom tooth was coming in and growing but not for a long while, and never with this white gum thing - I did a bit of oil pulling with sesame oil, the first time it seemed to dislodge something, like maybe I had get a little of the seed mixture trapped in the loose gum when I was making those coconut oil candies - no more of that today, just thought the oil might help soothe and its a good detox thing to do anyway -- used a little propolis on the gum as well - figure it will just clear up by itself in a few days, its' on day 3 now and seems a little better.
Just researching a little now, it does seem that ulcers are one of the symptoms of fasting, iron deficiency and of a taxed and run down system, system stress or training too hard etc... Well, that all makes sense - I am no doubt very low in iron as my very late and light period showed me and have dug deep with all these journeys this year. The last few days I've felt more tiredness and also less desire for drinks, for any food, for anything - eating the little bit of cauliflour filling wasn't compelling in any way, I had no craving for it, no desire... I thought it might be a good thing to bring up my energy a bit... when I get to a point like this fasting, I feel a bit lost as to what to do with it - I'm quite content to just go on drinking a liquid diet, my moments of desire for nourishment of any kind are brief and fickle, it is often a sign for me that I might be better winding up the fast for awhile - it seems to enter a period of stagnancy - tho I'm not really sure I know what is going on. After fasting for a month with no real energy drop then getting just past a month and having this low energy and lack of desire kick in - it doesn't seem the state I want to attain. Maybe its going into withdrawl a bit too far and I should increase the active energy a bit, through eating some vitalizing things, drinking some salty broths or pickle juice, increasing my physical activities and bringing in the yang energy... its been a bit heavy on the yin side this past week so I think I should try and balance that out at least - perhaps I don't need to look at it as a winding down of the fast, just as a balancing of energies while I continue on with the journey. I don't want to eat anything, but I think I should eat some meat again. And maybe a little fruit. It might take me till next week to even get around to doing that. I don't need to go to town for anything and am pretty happy just being here right now.
Well, I'm going to put on some music now its just past 6 and do a little yoga, I haven't done any for a while and I want to stretch out and get the energy flowing. Get into movement and my body. I'm still spotting a little - I thought it would end yesterday bit there was a bit today - so that's all quite yin and normal... The practice and time with myself has been really good, working through things for sure, have felt a lot more free of negative though patterns, feelings, stress and a lot more grounded, less fear, less anxiety and avoidance... more being ok to go forward. I think I just got in bad patterns with too much heavy stuff and some trauma - making me want to avoid the world and feel overwhelmed, I have cleared that now, and am feeling much more my old self - still working on the detritus of it, seeing much more clearly and looking ahead. I feel a lot of acceptance also, in place of that poor me or things should be different feeling just acceptance of life as it is and inner peace in going forward with my practice - doing what I can, not worrying about what others do.
Just be myself... and not lose sight of that. That is what seems to matter now
not changing the world... at least one can participate in it authentically.. any real change worth anything has got to start there.

The jacket I bought is a Boro Kimono patched in antique japanese style by skillful stitches and many pieces of cloth to preserve what would otherwise be thrown away - re-purposing the robes of a king for a farmer, reminding us that preserving what is noble is a far greater art than being part of a throw away society. It's a metaphor, a garment that symbolizes care, culture, value, preservation, humility, patience... like a coat to remind me of the paramitas... its very beautiful, the meaning - this little piece of history. Part of a culture that had such a deep appreciation for human life.

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