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InControl-OutaControl
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I am a 15 yr old female from the U.S. i am turning 16 on the 13th of July.
i absolutely love to read Vampire Romance Novels. I own the Twilight series and the Twilight movie. i love them. i also own a lot of other books. and i have read a crap load of books as well.
And i fucking love Psychopathic Records. ICP , Twiztid, Boondox. Violent J. all them, they are the shit. your either Down with the Clown or your not.
i have been in and out of programs. Residential and hospitals basically my whole life. i was on meds when i was 4ish until the age 13. so i haven't been on them since. and i am doing fine without them.
(Well' at least i thought i was.)
i recently moved out of my last program; Solstice. and now i am living in a foster home. it's 1 mother and her 3boys. but only 2 of them live with her, the oldest 1 lives with his father. after a cuple months i am going to go hoe to live with my father.
i recently started to self inflict. i have a candle hidden in my room there. and when i am home alone i take it out and light it. then.. i start the self infliction. i take a long match and light it, light the candle an then i put it to my hand. i put it to my arm as well but only ever so slightly do i do that to my arm. i do all this to my left hand/arm. Nobody knows about this but my good friend Max. he used to cut his wrists. i told him last night that i wanted to start doing that. he said No way in hell. its a real bad habit. i told him I don't care.
i do care.... but... my life just got turned up side down.
My bffl's brother and i started to date on April 19th this yr. and we broke up on may 27th this yr. we broke up because she told me to choose him or her. an i sad i can't just simply choose. and i won't. of course i ended up choosing her. i told him that and he just said.. that s okay...
i said no no it is not okay. i love you. he said i love you too.
And yeh love doesn't last. but i honestly thought that we would.
i still love the guy. i know i am dumb for that.
anyway, i started my self infliction before we broke up. he wasn't causing it. i don't know what was.
i went from being in control to not being in control.
i really think my sudden self infliction has to do with my dad and how he always spends time with his girlfriend. like last night they just said 'oh we are going to go to the mall for a little while.' bullshit! they left at 4ish and came back at 10 something. and i was left with nothing to eat. because there is nothing to eat in this god damn fucking house.
yeh i could go on for hours and hours. but i am going to stop now. if you want to know more and if you can relate to this shit that i am stuck going threw than hell yeah send me a message or im me. 
My Favorite Blogs
http://www.myspace.com/darkgoddess1993

 

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