Katie, I can sure identify with your post even though I hate the taste of coffee. My addiction may be even worse-DR Pepper :(
I found this post of mine from a couple of years ago from the old Ask Shelly Forum. That is where I first remember "meeting" you. Anyway, I thought I'd repost here and see how you feel about my take on food addiction:
MY MORNING OF ENLIGHTENMENT, by hopinso
I am writing this on Shelley's forum because I think a lot of us share the same problems and the same sense of discouragement when things or so slow to show improvement. Tasty's post on spiraling downward really touched me because she was telling much of my story. For three years now I have had daily pain, it ranges from a dull ache to excruciating and almost unbearable. Two years ago I began seeing an alternative health practitioner and also started doing a lot of research on my own, for the last year and a half I've been putting a lot of what I've learned into practice. Still I woke up this morning just as tired as I was when I went to bed, the pain today is deep and severe, I was having trouble walking. My face was bloated and blotchy, and I have a zit on my jaw-no woman should have to suffer with crow's feet and pimples at the same time!
Well, as I was reading Curezone this morning, I was becoming more and more discouraged and depressed. I've done so much and yet I feel so awful. Something snapped and I decided to go to town on a junk food run. As I drove the 9+ miles to the nearest small town I was making my list of what to buy-sandwich meat (Oscar Myer Ham and Cheese loaf), bread, chips, dip, Little Debbies, ice cream, and a lot of chocolate. I also decided if there was a certain amount of money in the bank I would stop at Sonic for the first time this year. I made it to Sonic and ordered a cheeseburger, fries and DR Pepper. While it was good, somehow it didn't have the magical soothing and calming effect I was hoping for. While I was contemplating this, a car pulled up beside me and out came a teenage girl at least 100 pounds overweight. She was reading off the menu her cotton knit shorts bunched up between massive thighs, scratching her large behind (its tick season in the Ozarks) while her equally heavy mother sat in the driver's seat and blew smoke in her face. Later at Walmart I watched another extremely obese woman drag along her small son, who already had a big "beer gut" belly, with one hand and puffing on a cigarette with the other. Everywhere I looked there were heavy and obese people of all ages, there were also so many using canes to get around.
That was when the light bulb clicked on. For too many of us food is at the center of our lives. Food becomes our parent, babysitter, best friend, lover and comforter. Food is how we give and receive love. We entertain with food, celebrate with it, and mourn with it. The happiest childhood memories I have somehow involve eating. That was one of the few things that brought the family together. Suddenly the rows of junk food did not look so appealing. Instead of spending my money on the planned junk food I wound up getting a bottle of magnesium oxide tablets, a fresh supply of fish oil and a bottle of prune juice. I took the mag oxide as soon as I got back in the car.
My drive home was a long one, the five miles of dirt road leading up the mountain was being graded. I had time to slow down and really count my blessings and enjoy the extraordinary beauty of the Ozark Mountains. I could also feel the mag. oxide kicking in. As soon as I got in the house I was able to pass 18 inches of well formed but foul smelling stool. Within an hour the pain had diminished somewhat, my bloated blotchy face looked thinner and clearer. The magnesium oxide had worked its magic; but even more importantly I got a serious attitude adjustment.
All the cleanses and supplements in the world will do little good if we are not ready to change our diets for the better. For most of us that is not just a matter of will power and determination, but also a major emotional adjustment. Food addiction is just as powerful as drug or alcohol addiction, it is just more socially acceptable. We cannot allow ourselves to give up; but we must take more responsibility for our actions, especially our diets; and learn to be patient. After all, it took more than a couple of weeks to compromise our health, it will take more than a few cleanses, supplements, fasts and diets to fully turn our lives around.
Meanwhile, thank you Shelley and others who so patiently answer our questions and supply valuable advice. I have this strange feeling, have dread and half anticipation that some big change is looming ahead. Somehow, I get the feeling of somehow being connected to you, I don't understand this and admit its somewhat unsettling. Still if you get any "vibes" or insights, I'd appreciate your counsel and advice. -G-