I used to smash things; plates, pots, chairs, myself, and then my pets. It was a nightmare like something in classical literature. Happiness is a gift from God. The ego is suffering itself even in good times. This world is an unnecessary modification of the Divine.
In reality only the Divine exists, and we are the Divine.There are no individual seperate beings. That is an illusion. There is suffering but no one who suffers. It is only theatre from Gods view and even in the midst of the suffering there is infinite LOVE-BLISS. To become this knowledge is spiritual work.
For a time I even had a place sitting at the feet of the Incarnate Divine Person who radiated Gods Grace. I might even still be there if not for the Mercury Poisoning. I lost everything. LIfe isn't fair. Someone asked Yogananda if there is a hell. He replied,"Where do you think you are?"
Read my earlier posts about mexico, where I had my fillings removed without any protocols. Take a lot of vitamins, selenium,boron,C,minerals,drink only pure water,eat only pure foods.