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Re: Please help, major problem!
  • Please help, major problem!   #163300   12y  942
    • Looks to me like you two are having problems not with your relationship, but wit...   RN vihena   12y  1,354
    • Looks to me like you two are having problems not with your relationship, but wit...   #162231   12y  836  
       Date: 4/30/2003 12:25:13 PM   ( 12y ago )   Hits:   836
      Looks to me like you two are having problems not with your relationship, but with your lack of positive communication, emotional control, and attitude.

      You two obviously love each other enough to try to stop fighting, so here's my suggestion:

      Whomever started the argument first, should get to talk. Not negatively, but to sit down, calm down, and thing about what you want to say first. Most arguments happen because they go off topic, and other things get dragged into it. So stay focused, and express your issue.

      The other person MUST listen. And listening isn't just sitting there and listening. It's processing the information to an understanding.

      After you have talked, it's the other person's turn to talk - but not about himself or how he feels, but about what he understands from what you said. It's sort of a confirmation that he did in fact, listen and understand what you were talking about. Arguments escalate because you don't listen, and simply try to force your point across to the other person.

      Okay, after that has been done, it's your turn again to say whether or not he understood. If so, then you can either continue on, or switch roles. In this case, it's his turn to talk. He responds to what you said, and only what you said. After that, YOU have to listen, and respond with what you understand.

      Repeat.

      Eventually, you'll both have an understanding of the situation from BOTH sides. Do NOT get into solving the problem until this point has been reached.

      Once you both understand the problem fully, try to work together to figure out a solution. This may open up more discussion. For example, you could reach a solution that he doesn't like. He'll get his chance to voice his idea on it, and you have to listen.

      It's a very difficult process, and sometimes may seem very foolish, but you two should take it seriously and try it out. After several encounters and practices, you'll get used to it, and it'll become second nature.
       
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