I'm sorry to hear about your father passing and well done on pulling through all that you have experienced throughout your childhood, your so brave, I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster that you must of been on going through all this!
First off let me say, I read the whole thing and I too suffer with anxiety and spouts of depression here and there, but from what I've read it seems to be that you are magnifying everything in your head. Yes you have in your words bad skin, but so what if you get thrown in the pool then what? You think they're going to laugh at you or be grossed out? If they did then why would you want to be friends with or surround yourself with people like that? Either way, they'll get over it and forget about it, everyone and I mean EVERYONE has some issue whether it's mental emotional or physical that they don't like to talk about, everyone has some insecurities. But you are not defined by these insecurities or your fears, forget the people who judge you by the way you look because in fact they're just unhappy with the way they look otherwise they wouldn't feel the need to compare themselves to other by judging others, instead focus on the people who go by who you are as a person, your personality! You'll never be perfect, no one ever will so let go of trying to control how others see you, just point blank stop trying to control the situation it will only stress you out, instead think of it as their problem - if they view you as a bad person for the way you look, well always remember ...it's just a reflection of how they see themselves.
Secondly you don't need to explain why you took heroin or did the things you did, no one just does stuff for no reason. There are two emotions or should I say two main emotions (the rest are basically sub-emotions) that we base ALL of our actions on; love and fear. There is no 'someone did this because they are a bad person'. You don't need to justify yourself to people, you don't need to explain yourself. Not what you've been through, not the decisions in life you've made and not what it is your suffering with at the moment. Accept it and try to let it all go.
Stress has quite clearly been a big part of your life growing up and stress can of course lead to dis-ease in the body and mind (DISEASE). So there's no doubt that it's contributed to cystic acne and whatever else you are suffering from including your anxiety. But overall sounds to me like you may have a ton of parasites and possibly they have also infested your pancreas which is why you are suffering with pancreatitis which is more than likely! Also antibiotics RUIN your health as does birth control - completely messes with your hormones !! Once you come off them your hormones will eventually balance themselves out again. I was on the depo provera injections and during that time I had basically a mental breakdown. I was depressed and suicidal and just generally in such a bad place and one night I attempted to to take my own life and failed miserably, but that was my wake up call and from then on I decided to get my life back on track. I decided that I didn't want to be on the injection anymore because it was making me put on weight it was only when I came off the injection that I felt a HUGE sense of mental relief and it was then that I realized the injection had made my hormones go crazy and was the cause of me feeling so depressed and suicidal.
A friend of mine had cystic acne BADLY and completely cured it - has flawless skin now - she also had Candida Overgrowth which she believes caused the acne, she cured it by carrying out a parasite cleanse. You can find out about parasite cleansing on here on the parasite cleanse forum, if you need extra help or information or just someone to talk to then feel free to mail me directly on here whenever you wish.
I suggested you do a parasite cleanse, then several flushes bowel/liver etc. I really believe your pancreas is infested with parasites, once you flush these out your diabetes will be gone!!
I have seborrheic dermatitis that I'm trying to get rid of at the moment and you have cystic acne - these are not THE problem, they are the RESULT of the problem. Seborrheic dermatitis, cystic acne, eczema, asthma, roseacea etc. are our bodies way of telling us that there is a problem, a problem on the inside. So treating the problem on the outside will just do exactly that - treat it, it will not cure it. You have to get to the direct cause of the problem, which could be the lungs, liver, kidneys etc. For you from what I've read I believe you have an extremely weak immune system. With multiple flushes, parasite cleanses and a healthy diet, lots of water, probiotics and possibly a few supplements I think you can build your immune system strength back up and regain optimal health.
I know your message was not directed at me, but I felt that this might help!