Ok Dar, I needed that lecture, and appreciate it.
But when there is a constant voice in your head telling you, why go on, whats the use, you've given up on your friends, as they are unimportant. You begin to form mental pictures of how you are going to kill yourself. I will show them. To me, it becomes frightening, and I dig out the pills.
For ten or more years I took hundred fifty mgs of wellbutrin, 75mgs effexor and a provogil for brain fog. I have no weight problem, no emotional problems, people think I am the life of the party, I keep it going. Granted I have been on probation a couple times, but I don't take real crap from people.
No doubt my greatest dream and desire is to be like you and not have to take something synthetic to prop myself up.
But I have not learned to handle that voice in my head that keeps telling me, whats the use. Because I am impulsive, and I fear, if the right opportunity presented I may pull the trigger.
I am not alone in this, there are thousands who got leukemia from exposure to agent orange, ninety nine percent are gone.
So you would think I am a happy camper to be here, mostly full functional, except for depression. I was knocked down my first effexor pill, how can such a little thing make me smile and laugh and jump around, without suffecient serotonin, nothing has any interest.
Anywho bless you for your heartfelt comments.
I have bought most everything the healthfood store sells, and no help, except for LDN, ALA, digestive enzymes and iodine.
I have as of yet not gone back to AD's, I am still hoping Iodine will fix me up, so not stopping iodine, I will double my dosage, and grit my teeth as I want to be normal again.
david lubbock tx.