Thank you fo your honest questions and statements. I will try to answer all of them. Why do I consider ending my life? because my memories won't stop making me fee like garbage and if I end it all I wont be reliving my past.
I contacted my childhood friend in hopes to find out what happened to him that made him do what he did to me and what he watched happen to me. We never really got to that topic.
I guess the appeal to being dominated is the idea that if I am the one that allows someone to dominate me then I am taking back the power of the first person that dominated me.
I have benn looking for a coucenlor for some time now and hope to have a new one soon.
Th last few days have ben great for me and I appreciate all of th good post's.
Thanks to everyone and I hope you all the best.