We are so similar it is unnerving to me. When I read your story I was shocked, scared, exhilarated all at the same time. I was reading about myself. For a few moments I could not believe that someone else on this planet was going threw the same thing I was. It took me a few minutes to calm down. My kids asked me if I was ok because I kept saying "oh my gosh! oh my gosh!". I have read your story several times and it still gets to me. I may seem to you a little melodramatic but it still brings tears to my eyes to know someone else has experienced this!
You call it being tied down. I call it being paralyzed.
It starts out with a heavy presence or one that builds up to a heavy presence. I got to the point that I new it was going to happen before I lay down for the night. All my life I have been terrified of it and have fought it off with my body, soul, and spirit. I have called for Jesus many times. Rebuking it in the name of Jesus. I can feel it coming over me. I start to become paralyzed. I am aware of my surroundings. I can see everything around me. I can hear family. The only thing I have control over is my breathing. I have used this to the hilt to get someone in my family to shake me out of it. I just start breathing as hard as I can! It doesn't always work because most of the time everyone else is asleep. I wondered if it was evil. Maybe it is just alien to my nature. I have fought long and hard to get out of its grip many times. It seems the more scared I am the stronger it is. As I grew older I became less scared and more angry. I would be ready for a fight. It seemed to back off for a while. It always comes back though. The last several years I have been having dreams of cataclysms. I have been doing strange things like moving away from heavily populated areas because I cant seem to shake this feeling of dread. I feel more peaceful here in the woods of Alaska. I have become almost obsessed with becoming completely independent from grocery stores, and only using organic items and foods. I guess my goal is to be as natural and close to nature as possible. I can sense the earth getting ready to make her changes. It grieves me that we have all abused her so. We could have done things differently. The signs are everywhere and reported on the news but no one around me pays attention. I have brought things up to others. They look at me strange. Now here I am. 35 years old. I am so willing to try different approaches lately and changing my life so much that when that presence starts again as I lay my head down I decide on a different tactic. How about not fighting it? Lets see what happens. It comes over me. I am scared but firm. I become paralyzed. I almost bail and start fighting but I resist the urge. suddenly the intense overwhelming paralysis continues but I now hear a roaring sound and strange clicks and sounds and weird words. The words are not any language I have ever heard before. They have up and down pitch with in each word. It was such a creepy or other worldly feeling I almost started fighting again but thought I made it this far. Just a little farther. Then to my surprise someone started to PHYSICALLY pat me on the bottom. Now how could that be when my rear was tucked up against my husband? I could feel my husbands back and at the same time feel the physical patting on my rear. The patting was becoming more urgent. Then all at ounce the sounds disappeared and I shot out of my body flying up high across the room and almost flew into the entertainment system!! Then I new while I was floating there that it was an ob. I think I have had them in my dreams before but this was different. I was fully aware! I realized that my thought stopped me from going into the TV stand. I noticed this beautiful white light glowing onto the TV system and realized it was me!! Wow!! It had a pale blue tint to it. I loved it! I always wondered what that light was like. I was glowing. My glow was lighting the way. It was dark in my room and the hall except for the night light in the bathroom. I did not want to travel thru walls I thought- so my spirit or soul stayed put. I didn't want to travel outside of my bedroom it might overwhelm me I thought- so my self stayed put. I thought I would like to see my husband and I sleeping in bed and loe and behold I started to turn and gravitate over that way. It seemed that thought instantly motivated momentum. There I was hovering over my husband. I decided to see if I could contact him so I started to touch him and of course I just went thru him. I tried and tried. He did become aggravated and pull the covers over his head! I thought ok I will look at my self now. I looked so different then what I thought. I realized I was getting to close to myself because I started swishing back and forth in and out of my body and finally stayed in. Instantly I opened my eyes and said out loud " no more! I have had quite enough for one night. Back off! Back off!". Scrunched up as close to my husband as I could and pulled the blankets over my head. Of course I have analyzed all of this to death. Is it good? Is it bad? I'm a Christian how could this happen? Many questions. Who was that patting my behind? hehe!