Expose, hang in there. I have been where you are now....My highest weight was 180 too and my husband said the same thing, I love you and you are beautiful to me. But in my own eyes and how I felt about myself was opposite. I felt the need to lose weight and feel better about myself. I walked around with my head down hoping no one would see me or was looking at me (sometimes now too). I live in Hawaii so it is always summer, can you imagine besides work, always wearing sweat pants and long droppy t-shirts??
And I had the same attitude, want the weight to drop, then I end up eating calling it the "last meal" before I start my fast and end up wanting to eat the following day...It took me to be totally serious on May 5th and that I had had enough and wanted to lose this weight. I started out at 175 and now am 164, which I have plateau for a couple of days....This is usually the time where I go on my "binge run" because the scale didn't move. But not this time. I can't allow the scale to default ALL I have accomplished in the past 10 days right back to or pass 175. Was I happy there? NO, why would I want to go back there?
So, you have to finally say to YOURSELF enough is enough and boy is it hard! Food is everywhere and so easy to say, I'll start tomorrow, or the next day or next week, while on the wait, eating everything in sight and hating myself for the rest of the day to the morn....Weird... Get strong and think to yourself, where you would like to be and what it is going to take to get there....One step at a time and its in the mind, change the way you think;-)
Sorry for not responding before and I hope you are not discouraged and keep us posted.