Madsheila, I'm sorry that you're discovering this at this point of your life. But, this is what typically happens when people get to a specific point and finally begin doing some self-examination.
If you're unhappy in your marriage, it may be an option to speak to someone that could provide some objective insight.
Been there, did it, got out, lost everything, gained everything that's important, and I'm firmly on my Healing Path.
If fear is a great presence in decision-making, it is 100% rooted in the codependency and probably requires the help of a mature, trained, and licensed professional. Childhood traumas and family dysfunction are typically what cause codependency, in the first place. Those subjects are very challenging to confront and manage.
Hi to everyone!
I have just joined and I'm really impressed with the quality of people who trade ideas here. I did something today, and really hope someone might read about it.
I am 27, and my girlfriend is 30. For the past six years we had a relationship going, however today, I asked to break up, and left no doubt that this is a final decision.
Our relationship passed many hurdles. From the six years, the six months I had been living in a different city. Afterwards, for 1 1/2 more years, I served in the mandatory army of my country, seeing my girlfriend like once every two months. But again the relationship was alive. For the past 4 years, we lived in the same city but at different houses, she lived with her sister, and I lived with roommates at a different house, however we slept together every night, and parted in the morning to go to our jobs.
Sounds romantic? But today we broke up with my initiative, and this came as a complete shock to her.
Why? Well we had much good stuff going together. I really think that if you asked her, she would say that we had the perfect relationship; we never argued about anything, there was never any jealousness between us, we talked about everything, and had sex almost every night.
Me? Well the above are true, and I also believe that she loved me very much - maybe too much. She called me like 5 times a day, not because she was jealous or anything but because I felt she really wanted to talk to me. I felt also very secure.
But the truth is that ever since I met her, always a bell was ringing in the back of my head, telling me that this was not the girl of my life. This did not happen in my previous relationships. After a lot of thought today, I compiled the reasons that I felt this way:
I had told her even on the first year we were a couple, and after that 2-3 times during our six year relationship that I did not really think that she was the girl I would spend the rest of my life with; However every time we talked about this, she said: "no problem, let's go on and see - without thinking about the future". This made me have the logic: "So this X thing with her bothers me - so what, it's not like I'm going to be with her for life. I'll just ignore it now". Actually this is how six years managed to go by!
All the above things about her character, I believe created non-essential but never the less important problems:
So this morning I asked her to split up without any special cause but for the reasons of all these little things I hated about her. And don't get the idea that I had not changed parts of myself; I did. I changed a million habits to be with her. I can give you a huge list of what I changed on myself, however here is the most important: I relocated myself from the city my family lives to the city she lives (300 miles distance) and has her lousy job (on the other hand, my job allows me to relocate to any city I want to, so I'll be moving back to my family soon after 10 years).
Again this was a very tough decision, because a part of me really loved her and still does, and that is why I am very depressed about this decision. But God, don't I deserve something better? This is the question in my mind. Am I too picky? Have I lost someone that truly loved me?
Special note to Ronin: Ronin I read the amazing thread on you case
about a month ago (http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=328&i=989)
and I'm stunned at the similarities. I read what you wrote, and I actually felt
sometimes that I was writing! I also feel that I have deserted a women that
should already have had children. I am really interested in hearing how you
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