Please help me! I need advice. I'm a 14 year old boy being raped by my Mom's boyfriend and I can't...
I found this forum while typing in 'rape victims support'. I neep some advice from anyone here, other than talking to a teacher or friend because I don't want my mom to find out. I just don't know what to do. I'm a 14 year old boy who is being raped by my mom's boyfriend. They have been dating for two years and he moved in with us last year.
I thought Dave(not his real name) and I were getting along great and he seemed cool until four months ago when my mom went to work(she works evenings), Dave looked at me differently. Before he looked at me in a fatherly way but this time he looked at me in a very uncomfortable way, I can't even describe it. I never had any reason to think he'd hurt me in a sexua| way. He has said plenty of times how I'm such a cute boy and will be a hit with the girls but I'm sure dads say that to their sons on occasion. Anyway, he grabed me and started dragging me into the dining room. When I resisted and asked what he was doing, he slapped me.
He then threw me onto the floor and got on top of me. He ripped off my clothes and raped me anally. I screamed from the pain and he slapped me again. I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt so betrayed and terrified. I was bleeding. Why did he suddenly go from being fatherly to a monster? When he finished raping me, he grabed my hair and threatened to hurt my mom if I tell anyone what happened. He just left me there on the floor crying. When mom came home the next morning she noticed my eye lids swelled up and that I was walking funny. Dave told her that he gave me a whipping for not minding him.(mom allows him to spank me when I misbehave so this was the perfect excuse for him). Him raping me has continued almost daily for four months now and I have learned to deal with the physical and emotional pain from it all but lately I have been bleeding from my rectum more than usual when he's finished raping me. I notice it on my underwear and especially when I take a poop. It's so sore there too.
I have been hiding my bloody underwear but I'm so scared my mom will find out and I'm even more scared as to why I'm bleeding. Could I have a disease? I heard about diseases you can catch from having sex. I'm so scared. I can't go to a doctor or nurse without my mom finding out. I know this Dave guy will make good on his promise to hurt my mom because he's so violent. Like one other time when mom was getting ready to go to work, I asked her if I could spend the night at a friend's house(to try and get away from Dave) and Dave interupted before mom could answer and said "no,you can't.
I told you you were being punished for not doing all your chores" so mom agreed with him. So I was terrified when mom left because I pissed Dave off for trying to get away from him. He then grabbed me by my hair and dragged me all the way upstairs into my bedroom, threw me on my stomache onto my bed, yanked down my pants and underwear and whipped me on my bare backside with his belt until there were plenty of red and purple welts. Then he raped me more violently than he ever did before.
I thought my life would end that night because I was so overcome by intense pain. I just don't know what to do. Can someone tell me what the bleeding from my rectum might mean? And it's so sore too. I wince when I walk and sit down lately and mom has noticed but I just make up some excuse.
Is it just because of him raping me or could I have a disease?
Could I die? I'm so scared. I can't do anything whe my mom might find out because she would be so upset and I'm scared that Dave will hurt her. If it's nothing serious but just normal bleeding and soreness from sex then I can put up with that but if someone thinks it could be a disease, then I need advice on what to do.
Go to the emergency room, tell the doctor what happened. ... It is important they get DNA proof an...
Go to the emergency room, tell the doctor what happened.
It is important they get DNA proof and proof of penetration. If not your step dad can deny anything happend and he will try to turn your own mother against you.
It is the doctor's legal responsibility to report this to the police. This man is sick and needs to go to prison where he can't get to boys anymore.
If you are worried about your mom's reaction, I think she will be first shocked, angry, maybe blaming you. Don't put up with it, in time she will be glad you did it.
Afterwards, it is indespensible that you recieve treatment for PTSD, or your life will be ruined for many years to come. Please don't neglect this part.
Charkee is spot on! You must report this monster to the police---follow Charkee’s excellent advic...
Charkee is spot on! You must report this monster to the police---follow Charkee's excellent advice! I must add something, however, since you are underage, the hospital may not want to check you without a parent or guardian present. Get out of the house and go to the nearest police station---the sooner the better. It's best to get there as soon as the rape occurs.
Don't put up with this any longer! Also, don't be afraid of speaking to your school guidance counselor if you can't get to the police station. By law, the guidance counselor will have to report the rape to the authorities.
I know I should call the cops. That is something I thought about because then they could put him i...
I know I should call the cops. That is something I thought about because then they could put him in jail but do you think they might call my mom a bad mom and put her in jail too? I mean, she didn't even know but some cops say that the mom should have saw the signs. But it's my fault for making excuses and pretending I'm okay. I don't want my mom to get into trouble. And do you think he will go to jail for sure? I'm scared that he might not get jail time and then he could come after us. I am scared to do this but I know it's the only way to make it stop so I will do it but I'm mostly scared about my condition. I think I mainly want to tell my mom and the police just so I can finally go to the doctors to make sure I'm okay. I just know that my mom will be heartbroken though. She cares for this man but I know she will feel so guilty once I tell her but it's not her fault. I think I'm going to go tell my mom today so I can go to the doctor. I'm so scared as to what might be wrong with me because of the bleeding. I'm nervous to tell her(my stomache is queezy just thinking about it) but I know I have to then maybe she will call the cops so I don't have to. I will keep you updated when I can.
Listen, please...sad to say, there have been many cases where the mom didn’t know the kids were be...
Listen, please...sad to say, there have been many cases where the mom didn't know the kids were being abused by the boyfriend/stepfather---and the moms didn't get into any trouble. Once the perv was out of their lives, the mom and the kids worked together to get their lives back in order. So...the thought of getting your mom in trouble should be the least of your worries.
As for going to the police---I'm not saying that you should put up being raped again so please understand that's not what I'm suggesting here. However, the best time to go to the police would have been as soon as possible after the rape occured. They would have gotten you to the hospital where a rape kit would have been used. The rape kit would have collected semen samples which would then get DNA tested. With DNA results, the perv couldn't deny what happened. Also, since you are underage, he couldn't even make the case that it was consensual.
Yes, your mom should know what happened. However, telling her while this perv is still living with both of you, may not be the best strategy. Not only could he deny it to your mom but you could face even worse consequences from him if your mom believes him.
Here's where it gets tricky. I do hope and pray that he doesn't hurt you again but if he does...be sure you don't bathe or in any way compromise the evidence. Also be sure to wear the same clothes you were wearing when the rape occured. Stay calm so as not to tip him off that you are going to the police. If you have a Cell Phone , take it with you and tell him that you are going out for a while (shopping, visiting a friend---whatever you need to say so you can get out of the house). Then calmly leave. When you get a good distance away, call the police. Tell them what happened and where you are. Preferably stand at an intersection on a busy street, if at all possible. If there are other people around, should he find you there he's not likely to cause a scene. When the police come, tell them to take you to a hospital so that a rape kit can collect evidence. No doubt, you will have to give a statement to a detective. Stress that you are afraid to return home while the perv is there. Also, let them know your concerns for your mother.
If you don't have access to a Cell Phone , then do one of the following: 1) If you know a nearby location where there is a pay phone, go there and call 911. 2) If there is someone you trust (a friend or neighbor) that lives nearby, ask if they will let you use their phone. 3) If you live within walking distance to the nearest police station, walk there.
It's very important that you go to the police. If he gets away with this, not only will he continue to harm you but he will also harm other boys. Also, if he is raping you and not using condoms, he is putting both you and your mother at risk for STDs.
Stay brave and know you're doing the right thing. The police or the hospital will give you and your mother referrals for counseling.
As a mother myself, I know that if I found out my child had been abused, I would have moved heaven and earth to protect my child. Trust that your mother feels the same way.
Also, please be aware that none of this is your fault!
My thoughts are with you. Best wishes as you work to get this perv locked up and out of both of your lives forever.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing these trust-shattering experiences. You’ve had some ...
I am so sorry that you are experiencing these trust-shattering experiences. You've had some superb advice - ACT ON IT, NOW. Don't wait for "something" to happen or for someone to make the call for you. Call Child Protective Services, immediately, and they will contact the police. A full investigation will be conducted and this will include a physical exam. Retrieve any/all physical evidence that may still exist, if you can.
You're a brave person to put your experiences into words and your courage will see you through this horrible part of your life safely and securely onto your healing path. Something that you may want to keep in mind is that your mother is probably being abused, as well. She may be turning a "blind eye" to what's been happening to you because she's probably been threatened that you will be taken away from her, forever, if she does ANYthing that might get this rat-bastid into prison. This is a threat that many abusers use to make sure that there is no interference in their heinous activities.
Take heart, dear one. As I said, you're very brave and this courage will help you to process all that's happened to you. You did nothing to deserve it, and you're NOT a bad person because this monster did what he did to you. You are not responsible for the actions of another adult. This person did all of this to you because he could - that's the only reason. Now, get on the phone, contact CPS, tell them EVERYTHING, and you and your mother will be taken to safety, and the rotten catfish will be thrown into jail.
--Edit: I first saw after posting just how old this thread is. I hope this post and video help lat...
--Edit: I first saw after posting just how old this thread is. I hope this post and video help later searchers who are in a tight situation! --
JMT14, my heart goes out to you!
I have family who were raped by a family member, an uncle. The word never got out, and the frustration and anger of the evil that happened to her stayed in her soul, and it shows right now while she has kids.
This is a group who are in the US helping against the evil of this sort of abuse! http://bacaworld.org
This is a video explaining what Bikers Against Child Abuse are doing:
Fear is the one enemy who allows evil to continue in the darkness, and it has always thrived there. Jesus is my light against it, but even as a christian if I do not act, I still suffer physically when I let fear put that collar around my throat, and then I am in chains.
Cry out and get this evil crushed!
You are a precious person, and the enemy of your soul wants nothing more than to grind your face in the dirt and tear your heart to pieces. It is VERY scary when it happens, and what you need when you are under attack is a WARRIOR.
No, mothers do not get indicated unless they are complicit in the plot- that is, agreeing and allowing the rape to happen. That is not the case here.
I have survived abuse too- fifteen years of it, from a mentally ill parent. It was when I was 11 that my parents divorced and I had a break from the constant yelling and screaming, but I still had to stand up for myself. YES, it was scary to do, no, it did not tear my home and family apart. We had to deal with it as a group, we had to come together to fight.
Abuse can be inflicted by coaches, adult volunteers, staff members or teammates. Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security because a coach is nice. Individuals who sexually abuse children often know they need to create a sense of safety and trust with the people around them, so that concerns are dismissed.
Commenting on athletes’ or employees’ bodies or appearance in a sexual manner.
Giving gifts, money, trips or special favors.
Playing body contact games, tickling, giving back rubs or wrestling.
Videotaping or photographing athletes or employees in revealing or suggestive poses.
Coaches who seem to prefer certain ages or genders of children and who tend to have a “special” relationship with one child.
Making sexual jokes, sexual gestures and innuendoes or engaging in inappropriate, sexually oriented banter (e.g., discussion of dating behavior).
Sharing sexual exploits or marital difficulties.
Intentionally invading an athlete’s or employee’s privacy during nonworking hours or outside of regularly scheduled practice and competition.
Excessive communication through email, text messaging, instant messaging or other social media.
What parents can do to help prevent abuse
Ask the sports club or program whether all coaches, volunteers and staff undergo criminal background checks before they are hired.
Does the organization also check references, conduct personal interviews and require written applications?
Ask whether the club has written policies. Those policies should clearly define coach misconduct, prohibit romantic or other nonprofessional relationships between coaches and athletes, define and prohibit emotional, verbal and physical abuse, bullying, hazing, initiation rituals, harassment and physical punishment by staff or athletes.
Ask how the club monitors interactions between its staff and athletes. It should ensure that a coach is not left alone with a child.
Ask what the process is for reporting inappropriate behaviors. There should be a formal written policy.
Ask whether coaches, staff and volunteers undergo training in professional behavior and in identifying behaviors that they must stop if they observe them.
Ask whether the club has an independent athlete welfare advocate or athlete protection officer to whom athletes know they can go in complete confidence to help them address concerns.
Ask the coach about his or her coaching history. Does the individual have a child on the team? If not, how did he or she get involved? Does the individual coach other sports, genders or age groups?
If you sense hesitancy in answering the questions or you think the coach is uncomfortable with your interest, you might want to pay more attention.
As children get older, show up unexpectedly early on occasion and observe how practice is going. Be comfortable setting boundaries, such as limiting one-on-one time with your child.
Talk to your children regarding all inappropriate or abusive behaviors and what they should do if they observe or are subjected to such behaviors.
Does the club have a policy for traveling to competitions?
Athletes should not travel alone with coaches, nor should they share a room or be alone in a room with a coach. There should be a detailed itinerary.
Jenny Brannan answered the phone, and 20 years of fear bubbled to the surface with the caller’s first question: "Do you know who Ray Adams is?"
The Missouri woman spent most of her life trying to forget that name. In 1993, when she was 12, she accused the charismatic gymnastics coach of sexually abusing her. But the case never went to court.
Now a Florida prosecutor was on the phone, asking Brannan to share her story. Adams had hurt another little girl.
Brannan’s first thought: "He's still doing it?"
Brannan would eventually learn that Adams had been accused of inappropriate conduct involving 15 other girls. Over the years, he had worked in at least a dozen gyms in four states. He had been fired at least six times. He had been criminally charged four times. Once he was acquitted. Another time he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery for abusing four little girls. Now he was facing two new criminal prosecutions in Florida.
Yet, somehow, Adams kept getting hired, even by elite gyms that produced Olympians for USA Gymnastics.
virginity stolen when I was 16 by a girl (long post)
Thought I would throw in my story.
In 1968 I was 15 and I was very shy and sheltered for the most part and only really started hanging out with more teens when I turned 15 as I knew I had to get out more. I had a few people I knew locally and used to just ride my bike with them and be typical annoying teens with.
One time when I was 16 we were all hanging out in the local close sitting on the green. We were talking about nothing of much importance but then the subject went towards girls and the guys experiences with them. Some of the guys I knew were braggers claiming they'd been with dozens of girls which we all knew was b.s. and others were more honest saying they'd only been with 1 or 2. After a time we saw a girl Joanne hanging around smoking and she came over to just join us and hang out. She was 17 I didn't know her that well I had only met her briefly through others. She was not generally well liked as people found her overbearing and intimidating she was loud and common as well as vulgar and had a reputation for sleeping around and thought she owned the local area since her 3 older brothers were known for being tough skinhead ex-con types so no one really wanted to get on her bad side.
The convo continued about girls and it seemed the guys wanted to make their sexual escapades more impressive sounding now there was a girl listening until it came to me. I was asked what I did with a girl and I basically was too honest for my own good and told them 'not a lot' then came some giggles from the guys which I kind of expected. Then Jo said she was not surprised in the least. I get what she meant in the sense I was not the confident jack the lad type that pursued girls . They were just alien to me although I did want a girlfriend like any
normal teen guy but I was brought up to be with a girl I would care for who I would eventually marry. All of a sudden she just said 'time to be a man' and grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me up and walked me off down a road into a side alley;. I could hear my 'friends' laughing in the background. I laughed too thinking she was joking around or something but then pushed me against a wall in the alley and proceeded to undo my belt and pants. At this point I knew she was serious and I told her I didn't want to. Then she got more aggressive and shouted at me if I didn't she'd have the s**t kicked out of me. I knew she could had easily done that too as she could had made up any story she liked about me attacking her and her brothers would had gone looking for me. So anyway she basically threw me on the floor and raped me.
Most guys would consider it a blessing having it done to them but reality of it is very bleak. What also seemed to hurt was for a while I was teased and taunted about it by my 'friends' who seemed to think it was all a joke or just harmless fun when they didn't really realize the damage it did to me and the whole thing was not taken seriously at all especially in the 60's. If I had told a cop he would had just told me 'congrats son' or something. I really felt robbed of my innocence and like my dignity had been tossed into the garbage or something. I even cried myself to sleep for weeks after and I never told my parents or anyone else for that matter. It will always hurt when I remember it .
Anyway all's well that ends well I suppose, I have been happily married for 9 years but people need to see men can be raped too and it can mess them up and its not just women who are victims although granted men are raped a lot less by women but they are still raped and it DOES affect them!
Jo died from a heroin overdose about 25 years later I learned from a reliable source who still lived near where she was. Her sleazy lifestyle ended up killing her. If there is a God and an after life I hope she is at least shown the damage she did to me mentally.
Hi Will, ... ... I am just curious: I have heard/read stories like yours before, but never unders...
I am just curious: I have heard/read stories like yours before, but never understood how [if a man is actually being raped, i.e. forced to have (vaginal) sex against his will] a man could have a erection without any [sexual] interest?
Yes, it’s possible. Below is from wikipedia under Rape_of_males ... ... It is thought among the p...
Yes, it's possible. Below is from wikipedia under Rape_of_males
It is thought among the public that a male must be aroused if he gets an erection or has an ogasm, and so that means that they are willing and enjoying any sexual activity. Roy J. Levin and Willy Van Berlo wrote in an article in the Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine that slight genital stimulation or stress can create erections "even though no speciﬁc sexual stimulation is present." An erection does not mean that the men consent to sex. Males can get erections even in traumatic or painful sexual situations, and this does not indicate consent.
Much like female erectile response, male erectile response is involuntary, meaning that a man need not be aroused for his penis to become erect; mechanical stimulation is all that is necessary. Arousal and stimulation are distinct things. Stimulation is a physical response to a stimulus. Men can be physically stimulated without feeling aroused and thus causing an erection. Men can be scared and intimidated into an erection, especially if the person is older or an authority.
... I'm so sorry that you had that experience and that you sound as if you've been able to...
I'm so sorry that you had that experience and that you sound as if you've been able to process what had been done to you.
Male rape is one of "those subjects" that doesn't get a whole lot of insightful discussion OR sympathy - like the poster above, many (if not, most) people try to connect rape with their understanding of what it's all about, and what generally happens, and they have absolutely NO frame of reference to refer to.
Even women experience cllmax during rape - this doesn't mean that they enjoyed what had been done to them, or that they "wanted it." Physiology is physiology - rub a specific spot and BINGO.....
So, your rapist reaped what was sown, and I'm so sorry that your innocence and view of romance was ruined, and that the rapist was such a sick individual.
I am grateful that you're able to speak/type about your experience with insight and maturity.