I found this forum while typing in 'rape victims support'. I neep some advice from anyone here, other than talking to a teacher or friend because I don't want my mom to find out. I just don't know what to do. I'm a 14 year old boy who is being raped by my mom's boyfriend. They have been dating for two years and he moved in with us last year.
I thought Dave(not his real name) and I were getting along great and he seemed cool until four months ago when my mom went to work(she works evenings), Dave looked at me differently. Before he looked at me in a fatherly way but this time he looked at me in a very uncomfortable way, I can't even describe it. I never had any reason to think he'd hurt me in a sexua| way. He has said plenty of times how I'm such a cute boy and will be a hit with the girls but I'm sure dads say that to their sons on occasion. Anyway, he grabed me and started dragging me into the dining room. When I resisted and asked what he was doing, he slapped me.
He then threw me onto the floor and got on top of me. He ripped off my clothes and raped me anally. I screamed from the pain and he slapped me again. I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt so betrayed and terrified. I was bleeding. Why did he suddenly go from being fatherly to a monster? When he finished raping me, he grabed my hair and threatened to hurt my mom if I tell anyone what happened. He just left me there on the floor crying. When mom came home the next morning she noticed my eye lids swelled up and that I was walking funny. Dave told her that he gave me a whipping for not minding him.(mom allows him to spank me when I misbehave so this was the perfect excuse for him). Him raping me has continued almost daily for four months now and I have learned to deal with the physical and emotional pain from it all but lately I have been bleeding from my rectum more than usual when he's finished raping me. I notice it on my underwear and especially when I take a poop. It's so sore there too.
I have been hiding my bloody underwear but I'm so scared my mom will find out and I'm even more scared as to why I'm bleeding. Could I have a disease? I heard about diseases you can catch from having sex. I'm so scared. I can't go to a doctor or nurse without my mom finding out. I know this Dave guy will make good on his promise to hurt my mom because he's so violent. Like one other time when mom was getting ready to go to work, I asked her if I could spend the night at a friend's house(to try and get away from Dave) and Dave interupted before mom could answer and said "no,you can't.
I told you you were being punished for not doing all your chores" so mom agreed with him. So I was terrified when mom left because I pissed Dave off for trying to get away from him. He then grabbed me by my hair and dragged me all the way upstairs into my bedroom, threw me on my stomache onto my bed, yanked down my pants and underwear and whipped me on my bare backside with his belt until there were plenty of red and purple welts. Then he raped me more violently than he ever did before.
I thought my life would end that night because I was so overcome by intense pain. I just don't know what to do. Can someone tell me what the bleeding from my rectum might mean? And it's so sore too. I wince when I walk and sit down lately and mom has noticed but I just make up some excuse.
Is it just because of him raping me or could I have a disease?
Could I die? I'm so scared. I can't do anything whe my mom might find out because she would be so upset and I'm scared that Dave will hurt her. If it's nothing serious but just normal bleeding and soreness from sex then I can put up with that but if someone thinks it could be a disease, then I need advice on what to do.
Go to the emergency room, tell the doctor what happened.
It is important they get DNA proof and proof of penetration. If not your step dad can deny anything happend and he will try to turn your own mother against you.
It is the doctor's legal responsibility to report this to the police. This man is sick and needs to go to prison where he can't get to boys anymore.
If you are worried about your mom's reaction, I think she will be first shocked, angry, maybe blaming you. Don't put up with it, in time she will be glad you did it.
Afterwards, it is indespensible that you recieve treatment for PTSD, or your life will be ruined for many years to come. Please don't neglect this part.
Charkee is spot on! You must report this monster to the police---follow Charkee's excellent advice! I must add something, however, since you are underage, the hospital may not want to check you without a parent or guardian present. Get out of the house and go to the nearest police station---the sooner the better. It's best to get there as soon as the rape occurs.
Don't put up with this any longer! Also, don't be afraid of speaking to your school guidance counselor if you can't get to the police station. By law, the guidance counselor will have to report the rape to the authorities.
I know I should call the cops. That is something I thought about because then they could put him in jail but do you think they might call my mom a bad mom and put her in jail too? I mean, she didn't even know but some cops say that the mom should have saw the signs. But it's my fault for making excuses and pretending I'm okay. I don't want my mom to get into trouble. And do you think he will go to jail for sure? I'm scared that he might not get jail time and then he could come after us. I am scared to do this but I know it's the only way to make it stop so I will do it but I'm mostly scared about my condition. I think I mainly want to tell my mom and the police just so I can finally go to the doctors to make sure I'm okay. I just know that my mom will be heartbroken though. She cares for this man but I know she will feel so guilty once I tell her but it's not her fault. I think I'm going to go tell my mom today so I can go to the doctor. I'm so scared as to what might be wrong with me because of the bleeding. I'm nervous to tell her(my stomache is queezy just thinking about it) but I know I have to then maybe she will call the cops so I don't have to. I will keep you updated when I can.
Listen, please...sad to say, there have been many cases where the mom didn't know the kids were being abused by the boyfriend/stepfather---and the moms didn't get into any trouble. Once the perv was out of their lives, the mom and the kids worked together to get their lives back in order. So...the thought of getting your mom in trouble should be the least of your worries.
As for going to the police---I'm not saying that you should put up being raped again so please understand that's not what I'm suggesting here. However, the best time to go to the police would have been as soon as possible after the rape occured. They would have gotten you to the hospital where a rape kit would have been used. The rape kit would have collected semen samples which would then get DNA tested. With DNA results, the perv couldn't deny what happened. Also, since you are underage, he couldn't even make the case that it was consensual.
Yes, your mom should know what happened. However, telling her while this perv is still living with both of you, may not be the best strategy. Not only could he deny it to your mom but you could face even worse consequences from him if your mom believes him.
Here's where it gets tricky. I do hope and pray that he doesn't hurt you again but if he does...be sure you don't bathe or in any way compromise the evidence. Also be sure to wear the same clothes you were wearing when the rape occured. Stay calm so as not to tip him off that you are going to the police. If you have a Cell Phone , take it with you and tell him that you are going out for a while (shopping, visiting a friend---whatever you need to say so you can get out of the house). Then calmly leave. When you get a good distance away, call the police. Tell them what happened and where you are. Preferably stand at an intersection on a busy street, if at all possible. If there are other people around, should he find you there he's not likely to cause a scene. When the police come, tell them to take you to a hospital so that a rape kit can collect evidence. No doubt, you will have to give a statement to a detective. Stress that you are afraid to return home while the perv is there. Also, let them know your concerns for your mother.
If you don't have access to a Cell Phone , then do one of the following: 1) If you know a nearby location where there is a pay phone, go there and call 911. 2) If there is someone you trust (a friend or neighbor) that lives nearby, ask if they will let you use their phone. 3) If you live within walking distance to the nearest police station, walk there.
It's very important that you go to the police. If he gets away with this, not only will he continue to harm you but he will also harm other boys. Also, if he is raping you and not using condoms, he is putting both you and your mother at risk for STDs.
Stay brave and know you're doing the right thing. The police or the hospital will give you and your mother referrals for counseling.
As a mother myself, I know that if I found out my child had been abused, I would have moved heaven and earth to protect my child. Trust that your mother feels the same way.
Also, please be aware that none of this is your fault!
My thoughts are with you. Best wishes as you work to get this perv locked up and out of both of your lives forever.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing these trust-shattering experiences. You've had some superb advice - ACT ON IT, NOW. Don't wait for "something" to happen or for someone to make the call for you. Call Child Protective Services, immediately, and they will contact the police. A full investigation will be conducted and this will include a physical exam. Retrieve any/all physical evidence that may still exist, if you can.
You're a brave person to put your experiences into words and your courage will see you through this horrible part of your life safely and securely onto your healing path. Something that you may want to keep in mind is that your mother is probably being abused, as well. She may be turning a "blind eye" to what's been happening to you because she's probably been threatened that you will be taken away from her, forever, if she does ANYthing that might get this rat-bastid into prison. This is a threat that many abusers use to make sure that there is no interference in their heinous activities.
Take heart, dear one. As I said, you're very brave and this courage will help you to process all that's happened to you. You did nothing to deserve it, and you're NOT a bad person because this monster did what he did to you. You are not responsible for the actions of another adult. This person did all of this to you because he could - that's the only reason. Now, get on the phone, contact CPS, tell them EVERYTHING, and you and your mother will be taken to safety, and the rotten catfish will be thrown into jail.
--Edit: I first saw after posting just how old this thread is. I hope this post and video help later searchers who are in a tight situation! --
JMT14, my heart goes out to you!
I have family who were raped by a family member, an uncle. The word never got out, and the frustration and anger of the evil that happened to her stayed in her soul, and it shows right now while she has kids.
This is a group who are in the US helping against the evil of this sort of abuse! http://bacaworld.org
This is a video explaining what Bikers Against Child Abuse are doing:
Fear is the one enemy who allows evil to continue in the darkness, and it has always thrived there. Jesus is my light against it, but even as a christian if I do not act, I still suffer physically when I let fear put that collar around my throat, and then I am in chains.
Cry out and get this evil crushed!
You are a precious person, and the enemy of your soul wants nothing more than to grind your face in the dirt and tear your heart to pieces. It is VERY scary when it happens, and what you need when you are under attack is a WARRIOR.
No, mothers do not get indicated unless they are complicit in the plot- that is, agreeing and allowing the rape to happen. That is not the case here.
I have survived abuse too- fifteen years of it, from a mentally ill parent. It was when I was 11 that my parents divorced and I had a break from the constant yelling and screaming, but I still had to stand up for myself. YES, it was scary to do, no, it did not tear my home and family apart. We had to deal with it as a group, we had to come together to fight.
I agree. IT WILL MESS YOU UP FOR LIFE if you don't get this reported. DO NOT BE AFRAID. What charkee said is right. Make sure you let them know you are afraid for your mother's safety as well as your own. Knowing what you know about this dude, your mother will thank you in the end. Do it for both of you. If you get DNA from him get to the hospital as soon as you can. Ask a friend to take you. The hospital staff will understand how dangerous it would be for either your mother or her thing to find out before an arrest is made, but an arrest definitely needs to happen. Don't be afraid to tell them exactly what happened. Remember this is not your fault. This dude is sick for even thinking this is okay and he's just doing it because he thinks you won't be brave enough to report it. Sometimes they know how vulnerable you are and how afraid you would be to tell your mother. That's why he's doing it! If you can't get a ride to the hospital, find a teacher, scout leader, school counselor, or an authority figure or one of your friends parents you trust ... They are required by law to report it.
The blood is from tears in the lining of your rectum. They will test you for diseases at the hospital. No worries. You'll feel so much better once he's behind bars, trust me. You'll be doing a lot of people a favor. You don't have to put up with this.
How do I get a social worker? Will I have to have my Mom present to get one?
And yes, I am a fourteen year old boy. Why? Am I supposed to be a girl in order to use this site? Is this just for girl victims and is there an age limit for this site? I don't understand what you mean by 'tone'. I didn't know that this was for girls only. I'm sorry but I did a search for help on rape victims and this was one of them I came up with. I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to post here but I needed someone to talk to about this. I need help. If this is only for girls, can you tell me what site has help for boys who have been raped?
if u are smart and can really tell that he wont kill someone then i would make a plan to hurt him or threaten to tell pople wat he did. KICK HIS f***IN ASS INTO THE f***IN DIRT TILL HES IN HELL. u should tell ur mom and have him arested even though its embarissing and degrading its better then not getting help. its just another human u can outsmart him, dont be scared of him. DONT LET HIM RUIN UR LIFE. GET EVIDENCE OR VIDEO OF HIM ABUSING U NAD THERES all the evidence right there this man deserves to never live. i feel for u dont let him bring u down ur better then him hes not bertter than u hope the best for ur life
what u need to do is tell your mom. imso frekin serious (btw m 13) that man is rapeing u if you dont tell somebody it could get worse get rid of the problem now. its child abuse i dont think u can get a disase because its male on male and since u have a johnson ithink that u should go to the doctor because it might be a virus or something. uneed to tell ur mom like seriously. no joke no lie she can help u and the guy tht raped u is ass will be in jail.
Thank you all for your support and advice. Here's how the past few hard days have been. Last Sunday was spent trying to find the courage to tell Mom but every time I tried to, I couldn't get the courage or Dave was always around. Then I spent my time in my room picking up the phone & hanging it back up trying to find the courage to call the police.
Every time I picked the phone up, my heart would beat so fast & my stomach would get queasy. Then I just laid on my bed quietly crying because I was so mad at myself. At the dinner table, Mom noticed that I was upset even though in the past I've been able to hide it well. And as usual, I made up an excuse & just said I didn't feel well & asked to be excused. I wouldn't even make eye contact with Dave but I could feel his eyes burning on me.
I went back to my room & not even 10 minutes later Dave came up to "check" on me & he threatened me that I had better stop this moping around & instead make like everything's okay or else I'll be sorry. Monday night when Mom went to work, Dave raped me yet again. Because of the bleeding & soreness I was having, I tried so much to resist him this time but he was just too strong & I pissed him off as well. He raped me roughly in anger & the pain was unbearable. I think I passed out or something because I don't remember when he finished & got off of me. All I remember is finding myself on the floor. Ever since, my rectum had been burning very bad & still bleeding. I didn't say anything to Mom Tuesday morning and in fact tried to avoid her & Dave before I went to school.
In school is when I finally told someone. I told my best friend during break time, I guess because he's my age & I felt less ashamed to tell him then to tell an adult. I broke down crying in front of everyone but I couldn't help it. I went into the boy's bathroom to avoid any more stares & my friend followed me. He told me he had thought something was bothering me for quite a while by the way I acted & how I looked like I was in pain at times. He had asked me lots of times what's wrong but I wouldn't tell him. Now I finally couldn't take it anymore. He said I had to tell the police but I told him I couldn't find the courage to. He asked me what I was going to do and honestly I didn't know. So I left school like normal.
Then I couldn't believe it, the cops showed up at my house Tuesday evening just before my Mom was going to work and asked if a "Dave" was there and asked for me as well. They got an anonymous call that I was being sexually abused by Dave.(I found out later that my best friend's Mom called the police) Mom was shocked. They had a couple police officers questioning Dave and a female officer questioned me. That's when I finally told the police and Mom.
Mom started crying and ran after Dave and had to be restrained. She was screaming at him and the cops had to escort Dave away. On the way to the hospital, Mom kept saying "Why didn't you tell me when it first happened? Didn't you think I would believe you? Didn't you think I would kick him out of the house? I can't believe you think so little of me that I wouldn't have believed you. I can't believe you suffered through this for months without telling me. Didn't you know you could be hurt internally and need to go to the doctors right away?" I felt so terrible that I did this to my Mom. She was hysterical and crying.
To find out like this was bad enough and now I made her feel helpless and guilty. At the hospital, I got examined...it was an awful experience, that's for sure. It turned out that I had anal tearings, dilation, bruising and swelling of the anus.
The doctor assured my Mom and I the injuries would heal and I'd be okay. He gave me a healing cream and a stool softener and I'm happy to say that most of my STD tests came back negative. There are still a couple of tests that I don't know the results yet including the HIV one. I'm so worried about that one.
I'm relieved that nothing's seriously wrong with me but now after telling Mom and my friend, I don't know why but I feel sad. Maybe it's because my Mom cries whenever she looks at me now and she keeps saying she should have known. Our Thanksgiving was spent mostly in tears. She held me and we both cried most of the time. I feel so bad for my Mom because she finally found happiness & now she's heartbroken again. She made so many sacrifices for me & I just wanted her to be happy.
Now I feel like I turned her life upside down. She's alone again and she blames herself for letting this evil guy she thought she loved into our home. And now I'm also worried about when I go back to school that all the kids will know and I'll be so ashamed. I don't want to be called "homo" or "fag" but I know that's probably what some of those a**ho**s at school will call me. I'm glad I don't have to live in terror or endure extreme pain anymore but now I feel ashamed, guilty and don't even want to leave my house anymore for fear someone will be looking at me. I dread going back to school.
Why do I feel this way? Shouldn't I feel better now that Dave may go to jail? Oh, and Dave is denying the charges(even though his semen was found inside me during the examination). It might have to go to trial and I'm going to have to testify against him. I don't want to, I just want it to be over. I can barely get a night's sleep because I have nightmares.
Thank goodness some action has been taken on your behalf to stop this atrocity. I understand fully how much you feared doing the calling and telling. This kind of abuse paralyzes the victim... and we still live in a culture of ignorance which blames victims, but you must know above all that you are blameless. This experience will be behind you one day, though it does not feel possible right now. The strength of your character will be built from this and will unfold as long as you do not become what you hate ...
I agree with Seek2b - thank God, The Great Creator, Jehovah, Mohammed, Buddah, or any other name you wish to choose. Someone took a courageous leap and made the call that was needed. Yes, there are many unpleasant challenges ahead of you, but you will - WILL - take them on and put these episodes in perspective.
I'm going to try to explain some things that might help ease your mind:
#1 - You did nothing to deserve what was done to you. You didn't "ask" for it, and you didn't want it. The man that did this to you is a monster, regardless of whether he seemed to make your mother happy, or not. He is a monster. A monster. SAY IT OUT LOUD - HE IS A MONSTER.
#2 - What he did to you may be legally termed a sexua| crime, but his actions had little to do with sex. Rape is not about sex. It's about control and ownership. This is a fact and anyone who has the nerve to call you names because you were victimized would be doing so out of fear - fear that such a horrible thing could happen to the, as well. If anyone calls you ugly names, walk away from them and pity them for their stupidity. Yes, you're allowed to be angry, but don't take that anger out on others or it will make you no better than that monster. You cannot control what other people are going to think, believe, or say.
#3 - Your mother is sad because (speaking from personal experience with abuse) she feels responsible for what happened to you and she feels that she failed you in the worst way that a parent can - she failed to protect you, she failed to recognize a monsterous predator, and she failed to stop what was happening. She trusted this THING, and her trust was shattered, and her confidence as a protector and nurturing parent has also been shattered. This is how she feels.
#4 - Intensive therapy is strongly and urgently suggested for both you and your mother so that you each can heal from this horrible breach in trust, and to prepare for the events which will follow.
Get mad at this man. You'll probably never know what went on behind closed doors, but chances are that your mother endured some type of abusive treatment, as well. You have an opportunity to stop this man from ever doing this type of thing to another human being, and you also have the opportunity to advocate for other victims of such crimes once your feet have settled firmly on your own healing path.
Remember this, always: you cannot control anything else in the Universe except you. You couldn't stop that monster, so please forgive yourself and don't dare carry any guilt for what he did to you. YOU are the victim and HE is the perpetrator - it wouldn't be any different had he beaten you on a regular basis, and our society tends to place a great deal of emphasis on rape as being sexually motivated, which is simply not true. You can't heal your mother, either. She is going to have to face down her own demons, or not. But, you, dear heart, are a brave, strong, and valuable human being and this experience does not have to define who you are for the rest of your life if you refuse to allow it to.
May you find peace, comfort, and strength in the days, weeks, and months to come, and may you be a beacon of hope to other victims. God bless you.
I had been thinking about you quite a bit and hoping that you were able to get this perv arrested and out of your lives.
Thus, I'm glad that you did post back with an update. You've been given some great advice from SoulfulSurvivor and Seek2clean. I do hope that both you and your mom get some counseling so that you both can heal.
Always remember that your friend and his mom are good friends to you. He did the right thing by telling his mom and she did the right thing by calling the police.
If you find yourself having a hard time at school, don't hesitate to talk to your guidance counselor or a trusted teacher. They can intervene if anyone is making your life miserable.
And, yes, always remember that this was never your fault. If you do have to testify in court, stay brave. The courts have victim advocates who will be there to give you whatever support you need.
I wish you and your mom all the best as you both work to heal your wounds.
Wonderful information!! I work in the field of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault and everything you mentioned is spot-on. I am glad that this young man has been so well supported and well advised. The only thing I would add is pedophiles are masters at their craft. They groom adults as well as children/teens so that they can get away with their crime. This man that raped him TARGETED this mother because she had a child that would be made vulnerable at some point in the relationship. Pedophilia can not be cured , the experts are looking at teaching them to manage their urges. They are serial offenders and look for someone who is vulnerable, accessible and easily discredited. According to experts, the only time that pedophiles stop is when they are imprisoned. This young man is made of tough stuff. PLEASE seek counseling. Working through the trauma is the best revenge!!!
Hello. I'm a kind of average girl who talks to many people like you. I'm in school, yet have helped around 50 rape victims in total. I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. If you'd ever like to chat, get some things off your chest or simply rant, you can kik me at: NightGathers or skype me at: danielleswanasaur
I know you posted this some time back and I hope that you are still here reading.
I am a retired psychological counselor, and I would like to see you get some counseling. There are many counselors available, and many good books as well. YOU did NOT hurt your mother by telling what was going on. HE HURT YOUR MOTHER by raping her son...she is much better off with him ot of her life. Iam sure she was stunned and also felt guilty that she didn't know and wasn't able to stop it.
You are not responsible for her happiness, though I know you want her happy...but a man like that is not going to make her happy. My heart goes out to you, and I do understand, I was also the victim of rape, by my own father over a period of many months when I was a young teenager.
You will come to acceptance of what happened, and you will know that HE is responsible foro your mother's unhappiness and your unhappiness. There's a lesson in this for you though, and that is that YOU are not responsible for hurting her. HE is.
I hope in the future if bad things are done to you that you will love and trust your mom to tell her what is going on There is no NO reason to suffer abuse of any kind, that's what mom's are for, to protect our children, so tell your mom...don't be worried abot her being upset about it....your mom is a loving woman, soo trust her. And God bless you and her. The pain will pass, you wont forget the rapes but you WILL get through this. If the kids at school give you a hard time, change schools if possible. Bullying is a no no in schools now, so talk to your school counselor he or she can help keep that sort of thing down. And, realize tooo that those bullies are NOT your friends...they are evil little troll that get their jollies hurting others. That kind of person is not worth the nail on your little finger, so just blow them off and ignore them. Again, God bless you.
Im glad you finally had the courage to talk to at least your friend. That was impressive of you. As for those bullies they should know that what happened to you could also happen to them and just because it did happened that doesn't make you any less of a man or that in any way mean you are a homosexual or anything of the kind. What your orientation is does not base itself on experiences but on your own beliefs and likes. If girls interest you then they do. If guys interest you then they do but no mayter what you are perfect. I am proud of you.
Don't feel guilty! That piece of shit will DIE in prison!!!! I hope that bastards gets his f'ing face ripped off while he is still alive like in that movie hostel!!! I personally would love to beat him to a pulp unrecognizable, set him on fire and throw him out of a 50 story building; of course after I cut his dick off and shove it into his mouth!! In addition to that this bastard is going to burn in HELL! I will pray for you!
You can ask your mom to move you to different school if you feel uncomfortable at your school.
Don't worry about your mom being alone.
I have been happily living alone racing my daughter.
It's better to be alone than have garbage scumbag people in your life. I am sure your mom will feel the same.
I am glad Dave is out of your life.
Be brave and testify against him. Don't be afraid.
Keep remind yourself that you can do this -solve your problem.
You will feel better if you go to a therapist to talk about it and let him give you advice. I know its scary but it'll be worth it.I assure you. I am 13 so I can imagine what its like but I have never been raped before. Also try to find a girlfriend to forget about homosexuality.
JTM14 it took tremendous courage for you to share and seek help. Now it will take even more courage for you to seek the help you need to work toward emotional healing. Long after the physical body heals from rape the psych continues to suffer. You will need a good psychiatrist (because you are likely to develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and an excellent Therapist (a good Psychiatrist can recommend one) because you will need extended psychotherapy with a therapist you absolutely trust. Your road to healing will be long and hard. If you will work through the healing now, you will save yourself unprecedented emotional crisis later in life. Trust me, I know. I was repeatedly raped between 4 and 14 and never told anyone and never sought help. I tried to handle it myself and just keep quiet about it. This was a huge mistake. The answer to your question is, "Yes, you CAN feel normal again." It's going to take some work, your willingness to let people who care about you help you, your willingness to let professionals help you, faith if that is part of your life, and a lot of time. I want you to know and remember this: You are special. You are somebody. You are important. You have value. You are not dirty, unclean, or disgraceful because of what that man did to you. You are an awesome, terrific, wonderful young man with a future and hope. You are loved absolutely and unconditionally and not anything or anybody can ever change that fact. Evil came after you and you survived it. You must be one strong young man. Darkness is going to pursue you as you seek healing but it cannot have you. When it comes look around for a window of grace through which the light will shine. You will find it in a person, your mom, a friend, a medical professional, a teacher, who knows? When you see it keep focused on that light. In time, slowly, the normalcy will replace the abnormalcy. You will never be free of the memories. You will be free of the pain, the fear, the night terrors, the flashbacks, the numbness, the hypervigilance. You will love, you will be excited, you will live again without having to hold your breath. You will be a man - the man you always wanted to be - the man you hoped to be. Start your healing now. Your tomorrow holds a terrific future! Good Luck!
I am glad that you got help I also was having my own step brother too this day makes me do oral and anal occasionally luckily I only see him every other weekend and he is usually at his friends, at first I was up in my bed because I still have a bunk bed and I am 13 lol, anyways he was down on his bed and was acting asleep and I also had to share a room with my 3 step brothers anyways J (Short for his name but don't wanna expose him) was the only one up with me and he started saying all this weird stuff asking me if I wanted to suck it and I said ew no and then he started coming over to my bed a climbing um the ladder to get to me so I climbed into the corner of my bed why he was weirdly moving to me and he grabbed me by my hair and through me onto my knees luckily I was on a bed so it didn't hurt, anyways and he pulled down his pants and he has a massive d**k for a 15 year old it was like 6 or 7 inches long which is higher than the average of an adult and he grabbed me by my hair and PUT IT IN MY MOUTH AND HE MADE ME SUCK IT, but now he makes me come up to his room because he has his own room now and he usually just starts out with me sucking it and then he moves down towards my bottom and the he does the so so and it really hurts like an unbearable pain he doesn't use a condom or a lube and goes very fast and hard because now he doesn't have a squeaky bed, and then when he is done he says you better come back up here tommorow and then I go use the bathroom and I well wipe with toilet paper because I guess he does his c** in me and then I go to wipe and it is like a light pink/red color and it goes on and on and on so I am hoping once he gets his driver liscence it will stop. I didn't think it would hurt that bad and it hurts like even 2 hours after that any tips for help or somethin that will make it hurt less please contact me at
Phone: (270) 734 0266
Also @JTM14 text m maybe we could become friends like do you have an Xbox? Or PS4
First i want to say that i am sorry... im 17 and a victim like yourself so i know what you are going through... i still havent confronted my abuser and its been 4 years. im still plagued by the images and because of it ive been through drug abuse and self punishment (cutting and burning) because i blame myself. im now in out-patient rehab and depressed all the time because i feel like ive given up, if you need someone to talk to im here.Things will get better. i promise. im here to help with anything i can.
Hi Kat. I'm so sorry I didn't notice your reply to my posting until now. For some reason, your reply was seperated from the rest of the replies and in it's own indentation so I didn't notice it. Man, I'm sorry for what you went through too. I know exactly how you feel. I guess I could understand about not being able to confront your abuser because I was so scared to tell anyone or confront Dave too. Dave had me so scared of him with his violence and threats that I didn't end up telling my mom or the police. I finally ended up telling my best friend. I think it's because he was my age and I felt less ashamed than telling an adult. But I have to tell you, even though my life's still been difficult after telling I'm sure glad I did tell. If you don't it will eat at you until you do. Does your parents know what happened? If your Mom is anything like my Mom, I hope she'll be there to support you for your sake. And believe me, I know about self blame. I blamed myself too. I kept thinking because I'm a boy, I should have been strong enough to fight Dave off of me. I felt like I should have done anything to stop it but I didn't. I just let it continue almost every day for four months until I finally got so scared from the bleeding and pain in my rectum that I told mainly so I could go to the doctor to see if I had some disease. But either way, it's not our faults as to what happened to us. I know that now. And please let anyone in that will love and support you whether it be your parents, gaurdian or friends. If you isolate yourself, you'll never get better. I know this for a fact, because I know I couldn't do this without my Mom, friends and even the wonderful advice I've gotten from the people here. I'm so sorry you felt so bad about yourself that you felt you had to hurt yourself through cutting and drugs. That is so sad because you shouldn't be the one hurting anymore, the one hurting now should be that sick bastard that hurt you. Have you ever considered counseling? You really should. I know at our age we might think it's embarressing to go to counseling but there are times like this where we have to put our pride aside in order to help make ourselves whole again. I've been going for a couple of weeks now with my Mom and in that short time it's been very helpful. I really hope you realise you're a good person and worth something and know that that evil person that touched you isn't even worth the dirt off the bottom of your shoe. I hope you have the same kind of support that I do and I do want to encourage you to let your loved ones in as much as possible and to consider counseling. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I can feel your pain. I hope it gets healed soon. Maybe we can help heal each other in knowing that we are not alone. Take care, JTM.
It does get better. I see now that your post was three years ago so you must know it gets better now. I think violence and rape needs to be talked about more. People are still keeping things like that private. many abusers say they will hurt the adults in the kids lives, that is always used. I tell my kids I am a adult I can protect myself, if anyone is saying that they are afraid and weak. I have experienced some sexua| trauma in the past. It was so sad to read your story it just broke my heart. you are so brave i understand the flinching. what finally helped me was body work, i got some massage and cranial therapy. Hope everyone finds healing.
I just happened to stumble across this forum and baby you are loved please tell someone and get the help that you need. Your mother will never be upset with you for the pain that has been inflicted on you by this man. He is sick and you need to know that all perpetrators threaten their victims by sayin that a loves on will get hurt. I pray to GOD that by now you arr safe and I pray that the LORD keeps youand protects you! I pray that you never be ashamed for what happend to you because you could not control it! I pray that you use your experience to help others in need! Remember that the LORD never puts more on you then you can bare stay strong and I hope that you are doing better by now! Amen! We all love you, and you will forever be in out prayers❤️
I (the 14yr old boy) just wanted to write back to let you all know that everything is working out better than I thought it would.
Mom and I are both going to joint counseling to help get over this. It has been very helpful into realizing just how much my Mom felt guilty for not being able to protect me and how her love for this man turned to hate as soon as she found out that he hurt me.
It made me realize that I didn't have to worry that she'd have taken Dave's side over mine if I had told her, because she wouldn't have. Mom is trying to overcome her feelings of guilt and helplessness while I try to get over the feelings of shame and dirtyness.
Since this has all happened, I am having a tough time not feeling dirty and bad about myself, however this counselor has been so understanding. Her name is Ginny and she just listens and she doesn't judge me, she just makes me feel comfortable talking about those most humilIating, painful times he raped me. I feel better having Mom and I do this together.
If one thing good came out of this, it has brought my Mom and I even closer together. And as for the kids at school, surprisingly not a single one has mocked me or looked at me funny. A lot of the kids came up to me and said how sorry they were that I went through that and that they wouldn't know what they'd do if it happened to them. They said I was brave.
That made me shed tears because I had been feeling not brave at all. My friends have been so supportive and even the teachers have as well. It's been such a relief to me knowing I don't have to hang my head down in shame while walking the school halls.
And best of all, the district attorney has met with my Mom and I and has told us that we have a good case against Dave because of the medical records of my internal injuries, the semen found inside my rectum, and his semen found on my underclothes collected as evidence.
They are presenting all this damaging evidence to "Dave" to see if he stops denying the charges and pleads guilty to spare me having to testify at a trial. But if it does come to a trial and I have to testify, the district attorney assured my Mom and I that we have a strong case and that he believes that a jury would find Dave guilty and he'd have a lenghty prison sentence.
I'm not too happy with the idea of having people looking at me as I tell complete strangers about all the disgusting things Dave did to me but if it will put him in jail away from me and my Mom then it will be worth it.
So for the most part, things are getting a little better day by day. I still have trouble sleeping at night and have nightmares and I get much more startled when someone comes up behind me but I am working hard on trying to get better.
I want my life back and I want to be a kid again. I want to feel good about myself again and not feel dirty anymore. But one thing I know is that I am loved by my Mom completely and by my friends and family and that alone will help get me through this.
As for all of you that gave me such caring advice and support, thank you so much. I am so glad I did an internet search and it brought me to this site. You all have helped me more than you know. I know that most, if not all of you are female victims but you still opened up your hearts to a boy victim, when unfortunately boys don't get much support.
Thank you all, especially you BlueRose who seemed so caring and worried about me and also SoulfulSurvivor for your kind words and great advice.
I really think you helped me find the courage to tell.
In fact, I showed my Mom this site today and she read what I wrote which made her cry and then she read what you all wrote as advice and she wants to thank you all for taking care of her boy when she couldn't.
JTM --- Thank you for the update. I have often thought about you and your mom and was hoping that the two of you were getting counseling. Thus, I'm very pleased that the both of you are working on healing.
It's also good to hear that no one at school is giving you a hard time---instead your schoolmates and teachers have been very supportive. This, I'm sure, is making it easier for you to heal.
Whenever you feel "dirty", just remind yourself that none of this was your fault. You didn't ask for this abuse. In fact, you tried to resist and the perv had you thinking that he would hurt your mom if you told. Instead, you should hold your head high because you are very brave. Also, remind yourself that by speaking up, you are preventing this perv from hurting anyone else again. You have spared untold others from similar abuse.
I'm going to repeat what SoulfulSurvivor said to you:
May you find peace, comfort, and strength in the days, weeks, and months to come, and may you be a beacon of hope to other victims. God bless you.
Keep those words in mind as you heal. Perhaps someday, when you've healed, you may want to reach out to others who have been victimized as you were. You will be able to show them that you understand what they are going through plus you can show them that healing is possible.
May I ask this --- could you please keep us informed as to how things are going? I think we will all breathe a sigh of relief when the perv is convicted and locked up for years to come!
Do take care. All the best to you and your mom! Once again, thank you for the update.
Wow....I cannot tell you how relieved I am for you, J. In most cases, parents (especially, single parents) will understand what has happened to their child, though there are some that take the side of the abuser/rapist. I truly pity those parents and the innocent victims.
You are a valuable human being and you have something very important to do in your lifetime. I don't know what it is, and I can't say if it will tie into your terrible experiences. What I do know is that a child as brave, honest, and courageous as you are has "Something Important To Do."
Blessings upon your mother - I can imagine her sense of guilt because I carried my own for what happened to my sons for many, many years. Thank goodness you're both in counseling - she will have her own healing to do, and you yours. You will not be able to heal for her, but she'll lean on you a great deal in months to come for a great many reasons. Never be tempted to speak accusingly to her about your horrific ordeal, no matter how angry you get with her. When it comes to that point in your healing, scream it at your counselor and get it out, but never use this against your mother to get even or deliberately harm her. I have a feeling that you wouldn't do this, but it's just a reminder to you.
As for feeling dirty? You're allowed to - what that Thing did to you was cruel, sick, and he'll get what's coming to him when he enters prison, I promise you. Having said that, keep in mind that what he DID was filthy, but you, dear child, are not dirty, at all. These feelings are normal and will soon be replaced by understanding and acceptance that you were the victim of a sadistic Rat Sh*t - you will come to terms with these feelings, in due time, and move forward on a positive healing path.
There is NO DIFFERENCE between a male or female victim. The only difference is gender. A victim is a victim, and I'll say that it is a personal mandate for me to respond to people who have suffered cruelties at the hands of another human being, regardless of gender, race, creed, sexua| orientation, etc. If just one person breaks the cycle of violence and abuse, that's one person out of that wheel and, one day, the cycle of violence and abuse will collapse as a socially accepted behavior.
As Blue Rose has asked, please post back as time goes on. And, always remember: you are a very valued and loved human being, and you have something important to do in your lifetime.
this made me cry im really happy for u having spoken and u truely are strong i hope u have a better and a great life ahead of u i know it will be hard to forget this but i hope u burn those memories and live a happy life good luck
I am a rape survivor in my opinion. The person that did it was my own husband.
I admit that due to social and family dynamics over a 31 year period as well as the needs of the navy we had not had sex since before we were married.
Then he was trapped in the marriage because I am bi polar, and due to the cost that the state could potentially have his petition was denied for divorce seven years after our wedding.
My husband came back from the navy with ten years accrued senority at his civilian job. That was about two years more than about half the workforce, His father wanted him to reenlist in the navy and leave his civilian job to others. In his final refit they kept him on duty 106 hours straight. When he collapsed his blood pressure was up to 225 over 180. That was the end of the reenlistment plan we had. He was diagnosed as a paranoid from exhaustion, to many months under water, a total of 38 months in three and a half years, no leave or days off.
His father told us how his son needed controlling. How we could not let him have anything he might equate to a pleasurable activity because he would not agree to do things for others if it interfered with that activity.
I was told I had to control him. the plan was when he proved he could be the compromiser then I would be a real wife and have sex with him. This was an open ended promise that was never fulfilled. My own father in law helped me find dates because my husband worked 12 hours a day 365 day a year. He said just because this is what is required of my son doesn't mean his pretty wife should be without a social life
Thank you for sharing your story. My son recently opened up to me and I came here in search of answers. The bravery that lead you to open up to your friend will lead you through this. Reading your posts I can see confidence in you emerging more and more and it gives me hope. Reading what your mom had to say made me feel less alone. Be kind to yourself when things feel hard. Thank you for sharing your story. I can't tell you how much it helped me to read it.
I want to say i have been counciling teenagers onlienf or the past decade, when i read your story i was moved to tears. And so sorry that you had to endure this, i too had simular thing happen tome so i know how you feel personally. I shared your story with some collegues and kids who are also suffering a simular problem to show and use your story as an example in courage. You are a very brave boy. Bay god bless you andkeep you may he lif up his divide countenance upon you, and give you and your mother peace.
Thank you so much Bluerose and Soulfulsurvivor for such nice and encouraging words. You two are so very kind.
Like I said before, I'm so glad I found this forum.
I wanted to share the happy and relieving news that I finally got my HIV tests results back and they are negative. I was so worried because it was taking so long for the results to come back. All the other STD test results came back quickly so I was worried as to why the HIV one didn't.
My Mom was so great at trying to comfort me and stay calm but I know inside she was just as worried as me. Then we got the call and I think hearing the results of that call was just as scary as finally telling my best friend I was being raped.
The doctor told my Mom that the results were negative, however it takes up to 6 months for the HIV virus to be detected so I will have to take another HIV test in about that time.
For now, I'm very relieved and happy. Now onto Dave, he's still denying the charges even after being told of all the evidence against him so now we're forced to go to trial. I was hoping that bastard wouldn't be such a coward and just admit his fault and spare me and my Mom from having to relive this nightmare. So now there's a pretrial hearing set for next May 16th. Man, everything seems to be like a waiting game now. I just want it to be over with and as I said before, I am going to feel so humiliated having to give all those sick details of what he did to me to a bunch of strangers but I want him to pay for what he did to me, so I know what I have to do and I will find the courage to do it. The counseling has helped.
In a counsel session Mom said she felt like she failed as a Mom because she didn't protect me and I told her that she didn't know so how could she?
I told her that I didn't blame her and that I never will and that I loved her. We both hugged and Ginny(the counselor) said it was a great beginning on healing.
Mom and I are closer than ever now. She's actually been my rock through all of this. My one regret is that I didn't tell her myself and that she found out through the police, but I can't change that now.
I'm doing okay physically now. My internal injuries have pretty much healed and I'm not in any pain anymore.
Emotionally, I'm still dealing. I still have trouble sleeping. I've been experiencing my rapes all over again in nightmares and wake up either in a cold sweat or screaming in which wakes my Mom up and she comes running in my room.
So my counselor has told me to do a few things that might help like to take a warm soothing bath before bedtime, think positive thoughts, keep a lamp light on, keep on some soothing music softly and even have a pet sleeping next to me can help.
I tried some of these ideas already and they didn't work so now my counselor recently told me to write down the recurring bad dream and what happens in it. Then she told me to rewrite the dream in any way that I want so that it is no longer frightening and has a positive outcome and before going to sleep, go through the dream as rewritten, going over the new scriipt in my mind constantly to help re-program my mind.
I don't know if it will work but at this point I'll try anything. It's just hard to not replay or erase those awful painful moments with Dave in my mind so I'm worried this idea won't work either.
So my question is, does it ever get easier?
Do the nightmares go away eventually?
Another thing I noticed is that I thought I was okay and didn't feel ashamed anymore because my friends have been so supportive but I didn't even think about all my other relatives like my aunts and uncles.
Last weekend, Mom and I went to my aunt Susan and Uncle Bobby's house and I felt like I was under a microscope. My aunt and cousins hugged me so gently, it made me feel like I was made of glass or something and my aunt had tears in her eyes.
She couldn't even look at me that much. And when my uncle went to hug me, I flinched and backed away.
Honestly, I didn't mean to. I felt so bad. It was such an awkward moment. I hate this, but I can't stand being touched by any male anymore even if it's someone I love and trust. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I can't help it.
My cousin has an Xbox so we played games but I could still hear my mom, aunt and uncle in the other room talking about how fragile I am and how they don't know if I'll ever get over what happened to me.
So even though I thought I was coping, there are still a lot of things that are emotionally hard for me. SoulfulSurvivor, you said that your sons suffered something horrible too?
Can I ask what it was?
If it's too personal and painful for you, I understand but I was wondering whatever has happened to them, how have they coped with it?
Are they okay now and what have you and they done to help overcome whatever happened to yous?
I'm asking out of concern and for any similar situation advice that might be helpful for me to help cope with some of these emotional things that I just can't get rid of.
I'm becoming frustrated with myself because I want to be normal again. I don't want to flinch every time someone goes to hug me or have people talking about how fragile I am. I want to feel good again.
SoulfulSurvivor, you say you believe I'm strong and have a purpose in life to do good and I thank you but why can't I have that same faith in me as you do?
Will I feel good about myself again?
And do you really think I'm stronger than I think I am and will be able to face Dave at the trial?
My Mom and everyone says so but when will I ever believe it?
It seems more easier to accept what you, BlueRose and other survivors say because you can understand what I'm going through.
My Mom and everyone has been so supportive but they really don't understand what I'm going through because it didn't happen to them.
Hello J I read ur post n I am trully sry that you went through all this nightmare! No one deserves to go through any kind of harmful trauma! I my self am a survivor of rape. I was four at the time. It was a friend of the fam n later became a step cousin. He was 18 n I was 4. He was a total monster when he sexually abused me! Penetrated me made me bleed. He too beat me bad that I actually past out at times when he would beat n rape me. And he too threatend to kill my mom n my siblings n my dad. I lived with the embarrassment and fear for 17 long years n would always blame my self for what had happen to me when I was four! ... keep your head up. You'll see that time heals. Im a 29 year old man and do have a healthy life with my fam but specially with my mom! My mom also blamed her her self as your mom blamed her self too. But time will show her that u guys are not at fault! I'm glad things are turning out for the best for you. Keep your mind distracted n do much activity that u enjoy doing. Playing the drums n other instruments really helped me heal my soul n heart! Ull have ur ups n downs, but its only temporary! Ull be fine and you and your mom will have a healthy life style! My prayers are with you. Keep ur mind and heart busy with what ur heart desire! (Music, acting, sports, what ever it is u love to do) and share it with ur love ones specially with your beautiful mom! God bless you brotha! Need any advise or just talk feel free ro email me! Much love from my part to u and ur mom!
I am truly sorry that you have had to endure all this at such a young age. Know that you are a Survivor and that you are strong, even though you don't think you are. Lots of people could not cope with what you have gone through, so that proves that you are strong and that you will survive and thrive. If you can overcome all this then you will be able to surmount all obstacles that life throws at you. You are also strong in that you were so worried about your mom and her feelings, putting her above yourself. I hope that in the future you will know that you should always come first to a degree. Your mother was in shock with her reaction and it was a little selfish of her to react that way without thinking of your feelings and your shame and how you were trying to protect her, instead of protecting yourself. All she could think about was how she failed you and not how you were the adult and protected her, even after. You are truly a sweet, innocent, forgiving child and you never were dirty or guilty of anything. This reminds me of a story about a teacher who asks if anyone wants a dollar and then he spits on it, crumples it up and steps on it rubbing it in the dirt and asks if anyone still wants it and everyone still says yes, because the worth of the dollar is still there. No matter what anyone says or does to you, you still have the same worth and value. There is nothing that anyone can do to you to make you less than the wonderful, pure person you are. What they do is a reflection of them, not of you. You are clean and good and a survivor and a light to others that they can overcome.
I'm so sorry that you were raped by this creep. I, myself, was raped by a homosexual while I was recovering from my tank accident 11 years ago while I was in the Army. I totally understand what you are going through. How may I pray for you?
I am so sorry that you were raped by this creep. I, myself, was raped by a homosexual while I was recovering from my tank accident 11 years ago while I was in the Army. I totally understand what you are going through. How may I pray for you?
I came upon this article and your experience broke my heart. I would never live with myself if anything happened to my little brother. It's hard, but I hope you are starting to feel better about yourself, as you are a survivor, you are brave, if you weren't, you would probably taken your own life, and given up. But you didn't. Reading your story made my cry, and appreciate my life more, as I am under depression and I self harm. Silly, right? When there are people that have it much worse. I am glad that you and your mom share a stronger, closer bond, and I hope that bast*rd is in jail for a long, long time. I wish all the best for you. I know that incidents like this can scar one for a lifetime, but I believe you are strong, and will find much great happiness in the future that will help you forget. You sir, are a hero. Fight on.
Lots of love.
you need to tell your mother, a mothers love is allways their for her child and if she doesnt listen go to the police
also if there is someone that you can trust like your grandparents father you need to let them know not to
Hello I know you are scared anyone would be with an animal like that one thing you have to understand is sex offenders always threaten the victim with hurting there loved ones rape is about control not sex yes you can get STDs like chlamydia herpes etc you can even tearcyour colon. I know you are scared you need to tell someone you can trust and play stupid around this whole until you get the police to get to yourmoms work to keep her and you safe and you need to go to the hospital if you aare too scared just remember one thing he is already hurting you and your mother if you don't do anything now you both could die from sexual physical abuse. Your mom will not blame you shell probably want to kill him that's why get help now and doctors can tell when a child was raped if you survive through this he will do it again God Bless You and please keep in touch how you and your mom are there is light at the end of the tunnel and he should be exevuted
PS this is not you or your mothers fault this is one sick man who needs to be away from innocent people The sooner he is out of your lives the better it will be and you will get through this and heal God works in mysterious ways
I know that this is an old post but I have a few things to say.
I am here because I used the exact search terms that you used. I am a student conducting research and wishing to give service to the cause of male rape victims and the different obstacles they face in comparison to women. There truly are more resources for women, because there are more reported cases by women. Rape is the #1 un-reported crime, because of these feelings.
I am not a professional that can help you in therapy. I am glad that you are seeing one, and more glad that your mom is seeing one with you. I am relieved that this situation was dealt with so well, and I agree with the others that say that you are a tough kid, and brave as hell. I think you will be OK, because you are trying to be OK. You do have the strength to get through this, because you got help. You reached out, you spoke up. I have so much respect for you. And I don't hand that out so easily.
I came across this post in my research, like I said. There are some pretty mean and judgemental people on the internet. I am glad that you did not take offense, or get scared away from this site because I feel like this was your way of testing the water, to get some help, or at the least, relief from the anxiety this was causing you (and likely still is).
As I read, I was so sad for you. And honestly,impressed with your grammar and wordage. I was most impressed with your extreme self awareness, and your keen insight. Your way of saying how you feel or what happened in a very, scarily, real way.
When I read a few posts down where someone did not think you were 14, I was upset. I do realize anyone can join a site like this, but making an assumption such as this, well....
Basically, the person thought you were lying about your age because you are a very clever kid. You are obviously very bright, and decently educated. But here's the kicker....you are NORMAL!!! Quit telling yourself that you aren't. I do understand that you don't feel quite right. You are still experiencing PTSD symptoms. That is normal! For what has happened and what you have been through, that is absolutely your soul trying to purge the events.
Your counselor is awesome for having you rewrite your dreams. I would go one step further, and try to practice lucid dreaming. When I was younger, I could wake myself from a nightmare or tell myself I am dreaming and change the dream. Ask your counselor if that is ok.
My point is, that you are meant for something. You are an awesome human being, and so is your mom. I burst into tears, from the things you wrote. You said them in such a way that I truly could feel your pain. I read on, and I realized how your mom must have felt reading that. How hard that is for the two of you. And I think you are both brave. I think you both have huge hearts, and I think that soon your mom won't have to walk on eggshells. She is trying to forgive herself, just as you are trying to forgive yourself for not telling her. I hope that this is being talked about, too. It is important for victims to ask for help, but you cannot feel bad for your fear of telling, this too, is NORMAL. You cannot blame yourself for not trusting your mom, it is not to say she wasn't to be trusted, obviously she was, but the point is that another adult had broken your trust, and it is normal to feel like you can't trust anyone. YOu were brave enough to tell your friend, and they were brave to do the right thing and get you help. You are very fortunate to have a friend at that age that cares so much for you.
You WILL feel comfortable in your own skin, it will just take time. I just want you to know that by posting your story, you have already helped many, many others.
You have the power to make people empathize with you. And from your OBVIOUS skills in the written word, I would recommend you take some extra English courses, or follow a path that you have equal skill in. I personally have a lot of respect for you, and I hope that if you ever return to this site and read what you wrote, you will feel that same respect for yourself. You are brave. You are courageous and you are strong! You will be one heck of a man someday, keep your chin up.
And as for my research, I am working on ways to filter hateful comments from websites such as this, and to find as many resources for male rape victims as possible. I find it atrocious the lack of help that is available, and how hard it is to find resources for men and boys who likely find it hard to speak up to begin with. They should not be made to feel that all resources are solely for females!
I am glad you were able to get a good response from people on this site, and I hope in the near future that victims of any gender have equal resources.
I wish you the best, I really do.
Hello Sweetie, my name's Jess, I am 14 also, and i am a girl, i cannot image what kind of hell you are going through with this monster rapist you are having to live with.
My mum is a nurse, so i do know a bit about bodily health.
I just wanna say first, it is important to know that NONE of this is your fault at all !!! Xxx you are the victim here, and i am soooo sorry for you that you have had to have this happen to you in your life. But to answer your questions,:
1. Yes, You can get infections and diseases from sex. They are called STI's (Sexually Transmitted Infection) or STD's (Sexually Transmitted Disease) they can be quiet nasty and can cause serious damage... BUT!, I am pretty sure you don't have one, Because...
2. It is normally for a man to blead from you back passage after he had experienced rough anal sex or rape. You'd be surprised how common it is actually, you know, even a girl blead from her privates the first time she is penetrated (experiences sex) you are also in pain because you are definatly not used to anal penetration, and i take it no form of condom or lubrication was used, (what gay men used to have sex) witch would make it even more painful :'( . So Sorry For You xxx
3. Bye the way, Have you ever heard of the drug, Codeine Or Co - Codimals ??? They would help a lot with the pain, trust me, i have a lot of long term medical problem (i've had all my life) and i am in pain quite a bit, and they really help, they are almost as strong as morphine! Just tell your mum u have a headache or something, and ask her to get u it, but eat a cracker first, they can be harsh on the stomach, and u could put a cream called Germoliene (Ger - Mo - Lean) not sure of spelling, on, it would help with the soar ness, it has annastetic in it.
4. I live in england, not sure about you, but, we have a new law over here that my social worker told me about and it means 14 year olds can go to the doctor by themselfs without there parents finding out, so, for instance, girls or boys can get the pill or condoms without there parents knowing, maybe you have something like that where you live, you prob can go docs by yourself, google it for your area. Xxx
5. This is not your fault, you do not have to live or put up with this there is a helpline that you can call called childline, there number is 0800 11111, there conversations are completely confidential, they wont tell anyone about what u have said, unless you tell them to, you can also ask them to just pick you up and they will just say, "I'm 14, I've been raped, I'm physically hert, i need help, please come and get me!" and they will xxx.
I really hope i have helped you, and if you have any other Questions DO NOT hesitate to ask me, I'll make my email vis sable to you. Hope I here back from you soon when things have improved for you xxxx i'm sending my love sweetie, xxx ask for help, and stay strong xxxxx
I was sexually assulted a number of time's by by step father, it started when I was 12, my mother and he would get drunk she would pass out and he would come into my bed room and force me to suck him off, i was in another part of the house and my mother was passed out she would not hear me scream out as he forcrd me to do this, at 17 I left home and moved in with my aunt to get away from him not realizing my younger sister was the next target for him, I thought she was safe, she ended up running away also I did not know this until a few year's ago, I am 50 she is 49, my mother passed away when I was 38, my sister blamed me for the encounters she had and did not talk to me for 20 years, I am gay she said if I would have kept it up he would not have botherd her, I will carry that guilt every day for the rest of my life
I red your massage and I think,you should talk with someone that you can trust and dave dosent know him/her but probably they say go and talk with your mother but be aware of dave cause he might check you all 24 hours and about your bleeding I think its serious and you should go to a doctor and you should do it fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tell you mom as soon as possible!!!
i dont now how long after ive seen this and all i want to say plz dnt be afraid and if im late i hope u have did something about that pig only u could end this i hope u have done something and made sure that pedophile got taught his lesson
You poor thing, tell an adult that you can confide in. People like that can easy manipulate victims into keeping secrets, but you have to think you might not be the last.v
I'm 14 and I can't imagine what you've been through, you need to tell a doctor and an adult to get him locked away.
Also there are child lines in which you can get supports! I wish you the best, you're an amazing soul.
Remember how strong you are.
Hi I was molested by an uncle at 14 . My parents didn't believe me and the constant passes went on for two years. From reading your story I think you should go to a teacher ,trusted family member , or a friends parent. Tell them what is going on and get the Police involved. He won't have a chance to hurt you or your Mother once this is reported. He will go directly to jail. This is not your fault you did nothing to cause this situation and he doesn't love you because no one who loves you treats you this way. Please report this as soon as possible it really is the best way to stop what is going on. If you have any younger siblings he may start doing it to them so it's best to stop it now.
I agree with charkee I hate to know that ur in this position so please promise me you'll do as charkee said please. p.s as soon as all this happens and wen hes being taken away do me a huge favor and tell him that TrustMe0000 is a very sensitive person and if he ever tries it again I will personally come and make his life a living hell and if he ever lays a hand on u I will end him ..thata all thanks.... bye love u guys and please tell me wen it all stops
This post is over 4 years old. Also, I wish to caution ANYONE with regard to responding to any solicitation to call or email ANYONE to "talk" about personal trauma. It could be totally innocent. Then again, it could be totally PREDATORY.
I agree. You say you want to protect your mom well then report the man who is abusing you. Because if ypu don't and trust me I dont meant to scare you or anything but if this gets out before you tell someone not only will he go to jail but your mom might also be in trouble with the authorities since she should have noticed or done something about it. As for the bleeding it most like is scraping of the anal walls due to constant abuse.Those small cuts are thus not allowed to heal properly and so with every evacuation the cuts or sores may get infected. Right now it might be nothing but if it continues then it might turn to something more serious.
Anal rape is a VERY serious matter. The bleeding I would suspect id from the internal anal sphincter being torn. This tissue is very delicate and easily becomes perforated or torn by force.
You need to go to an emergency and TELL them exactly what happened; they will call the police and this animal will be arrested. Your mother most certainly MUST know and right NOW. Do not delay because this is a VERY serious situation.
little man call me anytime i will help u resolve these issues with him nor ur mom or the police will ever know i promise 501-744-9969 i promise i can make him stop hurting u little buddy my father was also a pedo butt never went this far call or text me anytime i will help u bud
Hello, honey, I am so unbelievably upset to read your story and my daughter was also raped a little younger than you and she could not tell me either. She found a way by telling a friend whose father and his friend who were ministers in our religion came to the house to tell me for her and then they took us both to the police station so we pressed charges and as the man was such a violent man and would do worse as he would see as we were getting him into trouble as they knew of him and they helped us move to a new town away from this man and his family who were all on his side.
Your mother does need to know honey as as upsetting as it will be she needs to get this man out of both your lives as quickly as possible. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know as I will be happy to help in any way that I can.
My prayers are with you sweetie and hope you can find the courage to tell someone who can be with you and they maybe can tell your mother for you and if you are in a religion the ministers there may assist and tell her for you and the police seemed to listen to them and made things a lot easier for us I am sure.
Sending you all my love XXXOOOOOOOOOO
hey there. firstly you need to understand the main way such people make u do things is like. if u dont do it or if u tell somebody. il hurt ur mom or family. please dont ever get threatened wth that ever. he cant do anything if you take a strict action. now ur thinking that. if its normal bleeding its ok . i dont wanna tell anybody. please. u also need to think now that its only about you. its also about ur mom . u love your mom so how can u let ur mom live with such a person??? if u tell anybdy . he ll hurt ur mom . that what he said right? but. dear if u dont tel. he ll in future harm and ur mom even more than u think. u r young and confused but please follow my advice. u need to tell ur mom anyhow. its for her safety too just remember this. think like he is a demon n u need to protect urself n ur mom from him. only you can do it. for u for mom. nobdy else will come and help...yo need to take charge. n yup whenever u r going to tell ur mom or police. do it when he just rapes you next. so that his DNA can come. secondly now. you have to do another thing. wherever he rapes you. place a camera. good if u have. or borrow from friend. anything. even a phone and before he comes in room. hide it a bit some where like a flower vase..between flower..leaves etc. anywhere u can. turn on recording n just get that recording. thats all you need. n yes u have to be very carefull. keep all its tones. alarms on silent. b carefull. once you manage to get a vedio. its best. n just b strong. he cant do anything n you please trust b on this. your mom will be with you. yup trust me. she will b hurt. real bad. but only for you but she will protect u and take cr of u. bt if u dont . u r even putting her life at risk. so stand tall young man..u r a strong child of god. have faith n now. when you have the chance to take a stand for u n mom. dont let it go away. as per disease. u wont die. its cn be just rashes of friction or can be disease too but u wont find out unless u consult someone n if u dont. even a small rash can turn up later into a big disease. only if u postpone. it will get worsened. now b strong. plan things. now you r the planner. not him. plan it all. let him do it. then take a deep breadth. pray n without having any single thought. go n tell it to mum. she deserves to know. please do it. il pray for u and loads of blessings
I know it has been 5 years but I still want to know what happened next! If that pervert is still out there or (since your 19 now) stalking and still harassing you, remember god is on your side and he will never leave you. Pray to him (if "David" still harasses you) asking for guidance and peace and to remove your burden of sorrow. IT HELPS HE HELPS. He washes he cleanses he makes you a new.
If he is still out there, you have me and everyone on your side, don't let him control you
Oh honey please listen to me. As a mother I can tell you that there is NO threat he could do to your mom that would make her scared of him and not protect you. Your mother would want to know, so she can put an end to it immediately. Go to school, tell your teacher and they will call your mother to your school, you can get the police to pick him up witout you or your mother even seeing him. I'm sure the.next stop will be the hospital to make sure you are ok. Do not let this monster continue abusing you, your mom will not want that either. I'll be praying for you.
You need to go to the police and report the incident immediately. Don't worry about your mom upset. Don't put up with this. If you put up, then this ass will continue to abuse you.
If he rape you again, go straight to the hospital and tell them so they could collect his DNA as evidence. Otherwise, he could deny it.
It broke my heart to read your story.
I am a single mom with a 10 year old girl. I reminded her everyday that nobody can touch or see her private part. Even I can't see her private part.
I tell her to report to police if anyone hurt her and touch her inappropriately. I also told her to tell me everything, and not be afraid.
With that being said, you must report this incident to the police so this ass guy can go to jail, so he can't hurt you or other kids. They will register him as sex offender FOR LIFE!
Good luck and be brave. You can do it!
go to any one at your school principal security and tell them you have the rights to be and feel safe they will call appropriate authorities and get you and your mom protection from him him I know from what I went through
Your mother would love you no matter what, so when you get the chance be honest with her. No matter what a mother that loves you would choose her son over a coward (Dave) if he continues, send his ass to jail. No one should have to go through this and I am so sorry. But for real, be honest with your mother ans explain what has happened. She will always care and love you no matter what. If she doesn't right away, try catching him red handed. He deserves to go to prison. Good luck.
If you are anally being raped by your mother's boyfriend, I suggest you call the police for child molestation. As for the bleeding, it might be because you have never had that done to you and your body doesn't know what to do. And I am so sorry this is happening to you. If he ever does it again, try to defend yourself! If you have anything that could temporarily stop him or knock him out, use that.
I wanted to cry when reading what you went through. It really really moved me. I think you were so brave and deserve a medal for coping with such a situation. I wish I could have helped you. I understand all this happens a few years ago. Could you spare a few lines to say how things worked out? I imagine it's part of your life you want to forgot, if so, please ignore me and except my wishes for you to have good life.
I heard your story JTM14, I dont know how to express my emotions to you. when I read your story, I broke down crying, I am so sorry for what happened to you when you were 14. I am very hopefull that you are okay now. The story got in to right at my heart and I feel for you. I feel sadness, empathy for you. What happened to you is not right and it should never happen to a 14 year old boy. The tress and trauma you went through must been unexpressible. I wish I was there with you at that time and I wish I cold hold you tight, and hugg your very much and never let you go. I hope to to this day, on this day that you are still alive and well. I want to be wth you and hug you and comfort you and everything and anything for you. The horror of reading this story touched me and I have been thinking and thinking about it over and over. I hope you can email me privatly to talk more. I can tell you that your not alone, I was sexually asullted when I was five till I was 7 1/2. I know what you feel and the pain your gong through. The PTSD and Anxiaty is a total stresser. I have depression and I treid to kill myself at least 7 times now. I hope you pulled through this tramatic time in your life and I hope very much that your happier to this day and many days to come. My best wishes and luck to you JTM14.
PS - Please email me to talk more, I would love to chat with you.
Hello i just read all the post and im glad you are away from him. I cant imagine how horroble it was and still must be. If you ever want to talk or need to talk or need help with anything pls dont hesitate to email me at wearethelastline@gmail .com
Or call me at 7277538427 i feel for you my heart goes out to you and your in my prayers. Oh and pls thankk your friend for me for helping.
I want you to know that no matter how you feel you can c9ntact me and if you need someone ill find away to help you. I understand what its like to be raped. When i was little my best friend raped me and for along time i didnt tell anyone out of fear but now hes gone and as long as your fam and friends love you and support you then i promise itll get better.
Agian though if you ever need someone to talk to or who understand then i want you to know im here for ya dont hesitate to call me if you want to then do it ill always be willing to talk
Oh and p.s im glad the cops got him cause i would of found him and beat the s..t outta him had i gotten the chance
I'm 13 and I've been hearing all these rape things about my moms boyfriends or friends dad but me I'm easily stronger than the average 13 yr old and still stronger than ur average adult so my advice to you is become stronger beat their ass and rape them back and when ur done ask them how they liked it this is for boys, ( girls ) become strong hit them in their nuts REALLY HARD rip off their clothes shove a GIANT pole up their ass and then say to them how'd they like it.
But in all seriousness Tell somebody u know
Even better the police but ask them to arrest them without all the commotion to get whoever they are threatening to hurt out of the way.
It doesn't matter if ur mom, dad or anybody finds out that u were raped just remember they've done bad and need to be punsihed for it so do not HESITATE to contact the nearest police centre
And before I go just remember when you've done the right thing don't question yourself it's better for everyone.
What I would have done: since I'm really strong I would beat up the person ( rapist ) and honestly rape them back HARDCORE AND EVEN WHEN IM FINSHED IM WOULD KEEP GOING. Then call the cops
I need help. I've just turned 13. I found this website when i searched for rape victim support. I was raped by my boyfriend's bestfriend Josh (that's not his real name). Josh was staying at my boyfriend's apartment for little while until he found his own place. He seemed nice at first but than he started asking me weird questions or saying stuff that made me uncomfortable. He did it the other day. He was very rough and everything aches. He slapped, kicked and punched me. He pulled my hair so hard that little pieces are coming out. He told me i deserved it and i needed to be punished. He put it in my mouth and said if i bit him he was gonna kill me. Then he continued to rape me anally. It hurts to walk and sit down and i have bruises everywhere and i'm bleeding. My boyfriend noticed the bruises but i just told him that someone from school punched me in the face. I want to tell my him or maybe even my mom and im scared to tell my boyfriend about it because he might be mad at me or not believe me. I'm also scared to call the police because my boyfriend is alot older than i am and i don't want him to go to jail. Please someone help
I am so, so sorry that you've experienced this horrible event.
Having typed that, you have two choices before. You have the option of not telling anyone to protect your boyfriend and remain a victim to "Josh," and whomever else your boyfriend knows, OR you can call your local rape hotline and end your role as a victim, tonight.
You didn't do anything to deserve what was done to you, but hiding what happened is not going to help you, one bit. You are only 13 and sorting this out, now, will help you to progress and develop into an individual with courage, strength, and resiliency - your decisions will be based upon what is in your best interests, rather than someone else's.
You have options, but you are the only one who can make those choices. I wish that this never happened to anyone, but it does, and victims of this kind of violence don't deserve what was done to them and, because of the false sense of shame involved, they never tell anyone and the rapist goes on and on and on hurting other people until they either land in prison, get too old (or, sick) to continue harming people, or they die.
You have the choice to end this person's violence, now. No, you cannot make what he did to you disappear, but you can call the hotline, press charges, get involved in some trauma counseling, and love yourself as you deserve to be loved.
My sincere blessings of comfort and courage go out to you. You are priceless and valuable in this enormous Universe - never forget that. And, this act of violence does not have to be what defines who you are.
I have been raped three times and men used to hit me. A therapist told me that the abuse would continue as long as men felt safe doing it, and if I would press charges they would know not to mess with me again. I pressed rape charges and I pressed assault charges. I have not been raped or hit again in 30 years. The last man who hit me told me that the judge made him go to anger management classes and it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He thanked me for pressing charges. So if I were you, I would press charges. Otherwise you are at risk of getting raped again. Especially if you keep the same boyfriend, and he is living with a rapist. A lot of parents would threaten to press statutory rape charges against anyone who had sex with a child your age. Do they know you have an older boyfriend? Are you having sex with him?
A minor must get parental permission to have sex. Parents have the right to press statutory rape charges against an adult for having sex with their child. Look up "statutory rape"… You don't have a legal right to have sex without your parents permission until you are over 18. That is the law.
I have a friend whose son was dating a girl, and he went to prison for statutory rape. So now he has a criminal record and must register as a sex offender. Tommy (not his real name) was 19 and his girlfriend was 15. They were in love. Her parents were terrified that she was going to get PG out of wedlock and forbade her from seeing him. They told him to stay away from their daughter. Being in love, they continued to see each other and got caught. So the parents pressed statutory rape charges and he went to prison.
It is very dangerous for someone your age to get involved with a man. Likes attract likes. If your boyfriend is sharing an apartment with someone who would do something like that to you, he must have been attracted to that guys energy for some reason, and he must have some violent tendencies too. It sounds like the kind of thing a pimp, or a gang of pimps would do. The next thing you know, they could take you 300 miles down the road to another city, put you out of the car, and tell you to earn your keep.
Women come up missing all the time. If he would do that to you, and get away with it, what is to prevent him from doing even worse things to someone else, or to you if you keep coming back for more abuse. I would recommend that you tell your parents and call the police. I would recommend staying far far away from both of these men. Where was your boyfriend when it happened? Could he have been in the closet watching?
Do not threaten them, or they will get scared, and think they have to get rid of you and shut you up somehow. I would just disappear from their lives. Do they know where you live? There are safe houses when women can go when they have been abused. The police can put you in one, if you will go to them. Since this has happened to you, then you are in danger. You need to protect yourself. ASAP. Because there is always more to come from people like that. They will not stop unless/until they are held accountable.
I'm a boy. But no he wasn't there. He went out to do his errands. There's only one door so I would of heard him come back in if he had. It takes him 30 to 45 minutes. But 20 minutes was all 'Josh' needed to do what he wanted. I think I'm going to tell my mom or the police. But I to want let my boyfriend know first. But I don't know if this is a good idea or not
I have a cousin who is in prison for molesting children. When he was 19, he was having an affair with a 13 year old boy. When the 13 year old boy was in his 30's he had a nervous breakdown and went into therapy. What came out was that he was molested by my cousin when he was a child and it was messing up his life. He couldn't hold down relationships. He was really messed up. His therapist encouraged him to report my cousin, who was in his forties, married, with two kids, and had a great career making a whole lot of money. So the guy who had the nervous breakdown reported my cousin to the police. My cousin was arrested. It made the news. When the news got out, 10 more people came forward and said my cousin had molested them too. He ended up getting 27 years for multiple counts. He is in a prison with 800 other men who have been arrested for molesting children. It seems consensual until you start looking back on it many years later because your life is falling apart. It is a crime for you to be having sex with this man, even if you consent. I am not saying this is right or wrong. I am just saying that if he loves you and you love him, both of you must wait until you are both adults, or you are committing a crime that could result in him being convicted~ even without the rape. The rape makes it exponentially worse. I realize that young men are hardwired to express themselves sexually, and it is a very difficult time of life to be in your teens. But if you don't go to school, study, make good grades, learn how to relate to people your own age in a non-sexual manner, and develop yourself consciously, you could end up having a nervous breakdown many years later because you don't have the life and relationship skills to be happy and successful. And that is why what you are doing is a crime. If you do nothing else, I hope and pray you will get counseling, so your life doesn't get messed up for good. I wish for you to find true love, a sense of safety, peace of mind, and happiness. Are you bisexual or gay? How did you end up getting into a relationship with an older man so early in life? When was the first time you ever had sex? Not necessary to answer these questions unless you want to. Just trying to give you some things to consider. You deserve to be loved and respected, not molested.
I know. I get good grades. All A's and B's. My parents have very high standards though. They want you to be perfect. It drove my older brother insane and he moved out when he was 16. That's why I'm so scared to tell them because, yes, I am gay and I know they aren't going to like that. But I can't have other people get hurt because I'm to scared to tell anyone. I told my boyfriend what happened (I didn't go back to his apartment though. I asked if we could meet up somewhere else). He got very mad at first but then he just stared at me like I was a helpless animal. I didn't like that look. I told him I was gonna tell the police and that meant I would have to tell them about him. He said he understood and is going to get a lawyer.
Good for you!!!! The best way to become a good lover is to become a better masturbator. It is safe and unless you can give yourself a better ogasm than anyone else, the sex will be mediocre at best because the burden of your neediness and dependence on someone else will strain the relationship. Last night a beautiful young gay man came over to my house to get some Colloidal Silver . He is a magnificent specimen of a human being in his early 20's and he already has both HIV and Condyloma. That is where you will have ended up too, if you hadn't started taking better care of yourself. Spend some time studying creative masturbation techniques and get to know yourself better. Are you gay by default, choice, through conditioning, or by natural design?
I know someone who is very attracted to women, but his first sexual experience was with a man, so he is more comfortable having sex with men. The thought of being with a woman excites him so much he is afraid of performance anxiety. So he just keeps getting into relationships with guys over and over. I would say that he is gay by default.
I had another friend who dated women for years, but he never could really get into them. And when he saw a hot guy walking down the street, it turned him on more than when he saw a hot woman walking down the street. Eventually he had sex with a guy and enjoyed it much more than he ever enjoyed sex with a woman. So then he got into a gay relationship and stayed in it until he died from AIDS. I would say that he was gay by design.
Other people choose to be gay because they can understand and relate to their own sex a whole lot better than the opposite sex, or because they are angry at the opposite sex, or they got hurt from being rejected, or whatever…
As a strict aside, we are each "different," AC1201. At 13, the "difference" might be as simple as being an artist instead of an attorney, or a healer instead of a builder. If we are emotionally healthy, we sort these things out as our lives unfold. We cannot be expected to make decisions about who we are or what we are at 13. I knew too many classmates who came from over-acheiving families that were literally driven to meet the highest standards and steam-roll over anyone and anyTHING that stood in the way of achieving the highest goals imaginable.
An example of this is a whole family of super-achievers that I went to school with. They all graduated with honors. They all were accepted at the most prestigious universities in the country - literally. They ALL attained these outrageous goals and they are some of the loneliest and empty people that I've ever known.
So.......appreciate that you are "different" and determine what it is that makes you different. Do you believe that you're more sensitive than other people? Well..........you just may be an artist - performing (acting), visual (drawing, painting, animation), literary (writing, story-telling, movie directing/scripting), or musical. Don't be so quick to label yourself......we are ALL different, and thank gawd for that!
AC1201, your boyfriend's reaction isn't out of the ordinary. It is often the first reaction to blame the victim for being raped - I must have done something to "deserve" it or encourage the action. This is NOT true and is one of the terrible stigmas regarding sexual assault - because of the very nature of rape, it is wrongly assumed that the crime is committed for the sole purpose of sexual gratification, and it is NOT. It is a crime of hatred, anger, rage, and control. Period. Sex is just the means to an end.
Your parents may have "high standards," but you deserve to be protected and vindicated. I would strongly encourage you to tell them and file criminal charges as soon as you are able. And, it may be a wise choice to avoid seeing the boyfriend for a while. Something doesn't "sound" right about this whole situation, and it would be an option to protect yourself, right now, while you recover from the assault.
Again........my very best wishes to you and you're strong and courageous - you can recover from this without allowing it to define who you are.
AC1202, I experienced a number of different types of sexual assault and abuse throughout my lifetime, and it began in my childhood, and I've finally recovered from those experiences. I have developed some pretty significant insight and knowledge with regard to these types of situations, as well as human behavior and abuses.
When I type that it "doesn't sound right," I mean that a grown man of 19 absolutely knows better than to involve a prepubescent child in their lives, whether they are gay, straight, bi, trans, or whatever. This is a matter of morals, ethics, and boundaries, no matter what gender role we're discussing. It's just not kosher to "date" a child that much younger than one's self. That's a six year difference in age. To put that into its proper perspective, you have lived twice times 6 years, which means that he's slightly HALF of your current lifetime older than you are. It's just bad form and, in most States in the U.S., a criminal act. This is precisely why someone who is 15 years old is NOT considered a legal adult. They do not have the Life's Experiences to make INFORMED decisions, even though they are able to reproduce.
As a strict aside, how long has this man been your boyfriend?
Your description of him pressuring you also gives me pause for thought that he's deviant and may have offered you up to his friend as a toy. I'm NOT saying that's what he did, so please understand this. But, the scenario sounds all-too-familiar to me, and it is questionable, at the very least.
About your parents. There is the fantasy relationship, and there's the actual relationship. The two rarely cross paths, and this is simply a matter of fact, not a judgment. Your parents are either going to accept you as you are, or they aren't. Either way, you are not responsible for their issues. You cannot control anyone else's reactions, responses, feelings, attitudes, beliefs, or directions. The only person that you have any control over is your own self. This is why it's so vital to get that man charged with the crime that he committed, and get involved in some strong trauma counseling so that you can be the priceless and precious piece of this huge Universe that you are without feeling any sense of shame, guilt, or obligation to "fix" anyone else, save anyone else, or rescue anyone else. Tell them the facts about what happened. Talk about your feelings with them at a later date, because feelings may be associated with facts, but they are feelings. The facts cannot be disputed, but feelings can certainly be dismissed and devalued.
Sex is a very dicey thing, AC1201. It is one of the most powerful things that exists within humanity. It can be an indescribable part of a healthy, loving relationship, or it can be used as a weapon to punish someone to the depths of their soul. And, it can be used for everything, in between. But, at 13, there is no clear understanding of who we are, just yet. It is NOT unusual for children to have their first experiences with the same gender - it simply isn't because our friends are typically the same gender as we are, and our childhood friends are typically the people that we trust enough to begin exploring with. Sadly, because we don't speak openly and frankly about this sensitive subject, we assign labels at a point in a child's lifetime when they don't even know who they are, yet.
SO........try not to worry about whether or not you're gay, bi, or whatever. JUST concentrate on recovering from the crime that was committed against you and developing into an emotionally, physically, and spiritually (NOT religious) healthy individual. Loving yourself, FIRST, is the most valuable thing you can do for yourself, today. Everything else will fall into place it due time.
We've been seeing each other for about a year and a half. But I never said he was 19. I told my parents. They didn't react well whatsoever. I wanted to wait until tomorrow so I wouldn't ruin any ones holiday. But I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started by telling them that I lied about how I got the bruises and scratches, then I told them the rest. They freaked out. Especially my mom. She said something along the lines of "What are you gonna tell us next! That you've attempted suicide and if you did, you'd be doing the world a favor". That hurt me alot. I tried to tell them that I wanted therapy to get better. But they said they didn't care what I wanted because what happened was my fault. They are going to press charges though (Against both of them). They just told me to go my room, that they couldn't look at me anymore. I don't have my parents, I don't have friends, I don't have my boyfriend, I don't have anyone. I doubt their going to get me help (The right kind at least) I don't think its going to get better. But at least it can't get any worse.
About this boyfriend, think about your age when you became involved with him. You were only 11 1/2 years old. On the boyfriend's part, that's atrocious and you didn't deserve anything that has happened, including experiencing your parents reactions.
You type as if you are very insightful for your age - use that to your advantage and make any and every call that you can that will help YOU, and you, first.
You do have people who care about you, and you probably don't know it. The boyfriend? Please....... Your parents sound as if they need help, themselves. Give that hotline a call and you will be provided with as much help as you need for as long as you need it.
Today is Independence Day in the U.S. Make today YOUR day of independence and help yourself to the best of your ability.
Again........brightest blessings of comfort and courage to you.........you are precious in this Universe and let no one - not even parents - tell you that you're not.
I would and I want to, but I can't, my parents took my phone away.
I need to go to a clinic or something to get tested for STDs or diseases, don't I? I haven't eaten or slept much and I can't stop showering, I just feel dirty. I don't know if that's normal or not.
I know he cares about me. But I can't see him or talk to him. My parents grounded me. I don't even know if either one of them have been arrested yet. My parents won't tell me anything.
I searched for "Statutory rape" to see what the charges were and for some states you can get a life or death sentence. I don't know if that's 100% true or just the website. But if it is true I want to see him one last time. I know my parents will never let me, but I just want to say goodbye. I want this to be over.
If you have access to the internet, you can contact your local rape hotline or the National Rape Hotline at: http://www.rainn.org Through that link, you can begin getting the help that you need.
Sometimes, it's the best option to just walk away from an unhealthy situation, AC1201. What would you expect to achieve by seeing this boyfriend a final time? You cannot change the circumstances or anything that has happened - it's over and in the past, and we simply do not have that power to change the outcome of past events. Perhaps, the best option would be to concentrate on yourself.
And, I apologize - I got the age of your boyfriend from Glaxony's post when she mentioned an experience that she had, herself. So, I apologize. However, if the boyfriend is old enough to be charged with statutory rape, then he was old enough to "Know Better" than to fool around with a prepubescent child.
...... worrying about your boyfriend, right now. You are NOT responsible for his well-being, so leave this fellow out of the discussion, at the present. You've been traumatized and you do NOT need to burden yourself with additional and unwarranted shame where his responsibilities or consequences are concerned. This is about you, not him.
I would strongly urge you to consider the following options, in order, as possible courses to take:
1. call the local rape hotline for more trained and specific help
2. tell your mom
3. file criminal charges
There is a strong concern about your boyfriend that I have, as a mother and as someone who was once 13. This individual is way older than you and this relationship could be very unhealthy for both of you. You have the rest of your life to find a committed partner and learn how to cultivate a safe, loving, and healthy relationship. There's no need to rush into growing up - honestly, I type this from personal experience. Sure, you may want to inform him, but right now is all about you, your recovery, and moving into some healing.
Hi! First, I am so sorry you are struggling. Just know that help is out there for you! YOU ARE A SURVIVOR! You lived, and that's what matters right now. Next is to get the help and support you deserve. You can look into hotlines if you want to talk directly to certified rape counselors (I am becoming one as we speak). Or you can use online forums/blogs to anonymously discuss issues you are dealing with. You can check out my blog I run as a support system for survivors! http://www.scrapesurvivor.weebly.com.
This is a completely free space to post your opinions on issues my articles are about, reach out for help, there are private and public forums, also I have listed numerous nation wide organizations that provide help for free.
Hello Ma'am Dont Worry Im Here For You,I Know That You Bleed When You Get Raped But I Never Been Raped The Reason You Bleed Is Because Your Body Is Being Forced To Do It So It Will Bleed But I Promise You That If You Call The Police On Him Everything Will Get Better Ok.
Somebody please help me , the first time it happend i had no clue what was happening I was just an innocent young white kid around 10 or so all I knew was my coach who was partying with my parents was suddenly alone in the bed with me my room pitch black except for the light coming underneath the door. I remember him talking quietly to me almost playing it off. And then he left. Then it happend my bf molested me as I lay in bed. In total darkness awake but acting asleep, first time it happend he was gentle lightly running his hand all over backside, from my thighs up and around my butt where he took extra time to use his fingers to explore my crack , I was so f***ing nervous I was froze with panic, I could hear him masterbating with his other hand then he reached under and began caressing my penis. Then it happend I remember it tickled and began arousing me . One night I'm laying there and Mikey pulls my boxers off exposing my naked lower half and he all the sudden has me in his mouth and proceeds to bob up and down with a fury , I can't tell who's enjoying this more him or me, I remember struggling to keep from letting out moans until it was to much and I exploded inside his mouth .. I remember feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, confused for liking what had just happend. Even worse was the desires and cravings I had to experience it all over.. To this day i fantasize and have curious thoughts . Is it wrong to wanna experience A huge penis filling me up and start to pulse and contract from ogasm .
I know it sounds unusual. My wife kept me from working so I wouldn't have any money and then used my helplessness to get me to do things like sodomy with a strap-on dildo; if I didn't she'd threaten to call the cops (they have to arrest you if there's a complaint). I finally left depsite how hard it was.
This statement "for so many women that sounds familiar" appears to be designed to minimize his pain as a male victim of rape and abuse.
Is male victimization like this rare, or is it rarely reported because most men know the system isn't interested in their pain?
I know more men who are abused then women. These men never go to the police, they never report whats going on, they believe they should take care of it on their own, partly because they are men and its expected that they shouldn't bother anyone with their troubles and partly because they know no one in power will bother to help them. And, most likely, will treat them with suspicion.
Women should consider themselves lucky they live in a society that falls over itself to help them. And voiciferously condemns women's abusers.
After all, they could be _male_ victims in a society that either ignores them, blames them for their own suffering, minimizes their pain because "women have it so MUCH worse", expects them to fend for themselves even in impossible situations, and is, at best, luke warm about condemning their abuse and their abusers and, at worse, condemns the male victims themselves.
Will all due respect, your response was uncalled for. Yes, male rape is just as serious as female rape, but as you said, it isn't reported as much; so someone who read his account may just be shocked at how close it is to the accounts of women (as I believe is the case with lovemy_babies).
And women do not have people tripping over to help them. Female rape victims are reluctant to report their assault, and are rarely believed when they do. Most rapist are not convicted. There's even a recent account of 17 year old gang raped by college baseball team members. No convictions.
Lets all be supportive of MX (as lovemy_babies was) and not start an oppression Olympics.
*****Will all due respect, your response was uncalled for. Yes, male rape is just as serious as female rape, but as you said, it isn't reported as much; so someone who read his account may just be shocked at how close it is to the accounts of women (as I believe is the case with lovemy_babies).*****
Which is why I used the word "appears", not "is".
*****And women do not have people tripping over to help them. Female rape victims are reluctant to report their assault, and are rarely believed when they do.*****
Serial rapists who prey exclusively on men will victimize more individuals then serial rapists who prey on women. One study also suggested that those rapists who prey on men usually are only caught _after_ they have "switched over" and victimized a woman. Also men are more likely to be gang raped and far more likely to be violently victimized.
If female rape (and abuse) victims are "reluctant to report their assault, and are rarely believed when they do"; _male_ rape victims are even more so. IF they even get to the point of reporting their victimization, which they don't at far greater numbers then women due to their own internalized gender oppression: "real men don't need help."
For me, when I was sexually victimized the reason why I didn't report it was not because I didn't feel I would be believed, but because I didn't want to deal with it any further. Seeking to have the person who assaulted me punished was not part of how I wanted to process and resolve the incident. I know other victims who expressed the same view as me.
Perhaps society isn't falling over itself to help female victims, but compared to male victims it certainly does a far better job of assisting them. From day one women are taught to seek help if they need it and feel entitled to it. And men are taught to assist women in need. That alone gives them a leg up over male victims.
*****Most rapist are not convicted. There's even a recent account of 17 year old gang raped by college baseball team members. No convictions.*****
I assume you're talking about about the Hart County incident.
"But Bill Myers said the board needs to deal with other incidents, including a March 2 sexual incident in a Calhoun hotel room involving cheerleaders, a football player, a basketball player and two other boys. Three cheerleaders were suspended from their squad after the boys were found in their motel room.
Calhoun police became involved when one of the cheerleaders reported a rape. The case was closed when the 16-year-old girl said it was consensual sex."
No convictions because the alleged victim withdrew her report. The situation itself also lends itself to the possibility that she was trying to avoid or mitigate punishment(suspension) by alleging rape.
*****Lets all be supportive of MX (as lovemy_babies was) and not start an oppression Olympics.*****
I am trying to be supportive by pointing out what I see as problems unique to male victims. They are uniquely more likely to be blamed, have their assault viewed as their fault, even believe _themselves_ that they must have secretly wanted it for it to have happened, and have absolutely no services available to assist in the persecution of their victimizers or their own healing.
To MX? I can only say that, as a woman, I will never be able to understand the depth of pain a victimized man faces in a society that actively belittles, mocks and ignores the pain of men. But it disgusts me, and I'm so very sorry for the part my gender plays in creating such an enviroment of disregard.
"I'm so very sorry for the part my gender plays in creating such an enviroment of disregard."
One of the most difficult and unjust occurances in worldwide human culture is rape - an act of violence, control, humiliation, and shame. For men, rape and/or spousal abuse, and/or domestic violence is hardly acknowledged, much less given attention.
It is truly unfortunate that anyone endured the humiliation, degradation, and pain of having such an act forced upon them, but it bears consideration that gender has nothing to do with acts of violence and/or control - men do rape women. Women do rape men. Men rape men. Women rape women. And, all of the above rape children, regardless of the victim's gender. Rape is strictly a criminal act of violence and control. The basis might be sexual, but it's one of the most primal demonstrations of control known in human behavior - rape is NOT about sex. It's about humiliation, degradation, power, control, dominance, aggression, violence, etc...
Seeking counseling/intensive therapy after such a heinous episode would be a very, very wise decision. Choosing a counselor or therapist specializing in abuse and victims of violent crimes is imperative - not all counselors will have the necessary training to actually help a victim of a violent crime take the steps towards Survival. In fact, I had a counselor who nodded with feigned pity that I had been raped by my spouse and, in response to my fears said, "Well, sometimes, men just do things to satisfy their immediate needs." I looked at this "educated" person and realized that he was just accepting fees and offering lip service to people who were in emotional anguish. I got up, left, and refused to pay his fee. I had been the victim of a criminal act and I was treated as if I was expected to accept my lot in Life and excuse my husband for his "manly urges."
Over the years, I've evolved from a victim into a Survivor and worked with many, many victims of domestic violence and abuse. It is a fact that less than 2% of men who are abused, attacked, or raped by a woman never report the incident(s). It's time for men to start speaking out and telling their stories. Perhaps, Oprah should consider having a special show about MEN who have been harmed and damaged by WOMEN! Then, along with Wasa bread, someone might take notice of something that's been long-hidden in worldwide cultures. However, until Oprah makes this a visible issue open to rational discussion, it's up to the men out there to face down ridicule, open their mouths, and report what has (and, is) happening to them at the hands of their partners.
Best of wishes to all of those who have survived this heinous crime.
I am really tired of hearing this 'not about sex' repeated. Sexual acts are sexual, they ARE about sex, in some regard.
It may be primarily about other issues. It may be primarily about them the majority of the time.
Perhaps it is never primarily about sex, or perhaps those instances where it is primarily about sex are a minority of the cases.
But generalizations like 'it is never about sex' are unsupported and few believe them.
About the only way you could justify this is to say something like 'sex is about power' which is something I could actually agree with for the majority of even CONSENSUAL cases.
But to be about power because sex is about power still means it's about sex.
That's sort of like saying "boxing isn't about punching, it's about injuring." It sounds ridiculous. What sets apart rape from other crimes that involve illegally and immorally exerting force and domination over others is that rape involves sex, so it IS about sex.
Thank you because I'm a man who as a boy was raped for 2 years everyday by countless men from 13 to 15 and in just now at 45 Trin to cope With it all.I just don't know where to get help from or talk to
I just realized that I didn't give an explaination of what prompted my responce.
The prompt was MX's fear of being arrested if his wife called the cops. This is a very real fear for many abused men. That, even though their _wives_ are the primary or sole aggressors, that they will be labled such because they are men. Even with visible injuries.
The system seems to be locked into "man-aggressor/woman-victim" and if there is a domestic disturbance, the cops often prefer to buy into lazy and/or chivalrous thinking rather then really suss out the situation.
The fact that this systemic bias exists and can be used by a female abuser against her male victim is something I find particularly upsetting. That, in combination with what I thought was an attempt to minimize men's experience of abuse, got my gander up.
But I'd much rather think that loves responce was prompted by a case of sudden awareness that men do face the same issues of abuse as women then any urge to minimize.
Really, I personally don't feel that you needed to explain your response - we all have our own opinions about this, and other, issues.
I remember working with a gal who had been raped by a group of women - these women inflicted incredible damage to her reproductive organs in their cruelty and sickness. Now (aside from the rape), what struck me as completely sick was that one of the police officers that heard about the crime actually said, in an office environment, "That could have made a million if someone had taped it!" He was, of course, referring to the pornographic industry and (apparently) his penchant for female/female being a turn-on. I threw an absolute fit. I have no doubts that my tirade made no impact upon that officer of the law - he still has his penchant for such activity and he's been divorced twice, already.
The more we learn and change, the more things seem to stay the same, sometimes.
I have no idea what kind of stuff he's watching, the main reason I enjoy lesbian erotica is that it tends to be the most gentle kind. When men are involved there tends to be more of a penchant for vigorousness.
Rape. It's a word that raises a lot of emotions for many people. Victim. A different word, yet it has a similar effect on individuals who read it. The two words seem to often be used together. For men, those words mean something different than they do for woman. Rape is still widely thought of as a crime against woman. Even though a man who is a victim of rape suffers different than a woman victim of rape, the impact is the same. Yet somehow society doesn't speak about male rape victims often enough. I'm not writing this to bore you with statistics of male rape. I would like to speak from a personal perspective and share with you how being a victim of rape affected my life. I first want everyone reading this to know I am by no means "anti homosexual", in fact I am completely against "anti homosexuals." I'm simply sharing my story as a way to possibly speak directly to the hearts of those who need to hear it.
For the longest time I used to identify myself as bisexual, but I had only sexual experiences with men. To most of my friends I was straight. To my sexual friends, or gay friends I was gay. To myself I was bisexual, but I really never fully looked to have sex with women. I found some of them attractive, but I was way more picky about woman than I was with men. My sexual exploits started with an older cousin. The short of it was I was raped repeatedly for 15 years. So much so it was the only thing I had known sexually until I became an adult. It started around the age of 6 maybe, I don't remember many details. He was four years older than me. First it was touching, then oral, until we were having sex. When I was young I didn't really know it was wrong, he was older than me and I thought it was what we did as cousins. Plus I looked up to him. By the time I knew it was wrong, I figured it was better happening to me than my younger siblings. The mind frame of being the oldest. When I got stationed in Cali at the age of 18, that's when I got the courage to attempt sex on my own. Of course I looked for what was familiar to me, men. You could say I attempted to replace what I missed with my cousin.
I had never been in an actual relationship, but I had plenty of sex with men. Some on the regular, most were one night stands, but never found someone that I wanted to "settle down" with. There had been a couple of guys that I thought I could take it to that level with, but it never worked out that way. I just chalked it up to what was meant to be. I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. My idea of a relationship seemed to be a fairytale. Wasn't looking for love at first sight, but you can say I wanted to fall in love by accident. Kind of wake up and find myself in a relationship that happened naturally, and wasn't forced at all. Through all the guys I have had sex with, and countless time I spent "putting in work" with men, it was a woman that stole my heart. Talk about accidental love, this wasn't something I realized right away. Actually as my mentor helped me heal from my rape, I denied the feelings I had for her for the longest time. It was him who helped me realize exactly what my heart was trying to tell me. She was my best friend. I hadn't ever thought of her romantically, let alone sexually. To be honest the idea frankly scared me. After a long period of time fighting through that fear I realized it was worth the wait. Have you ever kissed someone and felt every nerve ending in your body exploding? Has sex ever been so blissful that it was hard to distinguish between fantasy and reality? That's how I know for me, my wife is what is right.
Now whether I was meant to be gay, bisexual, or straight, is irrelevant. My rape took away my ability to explore my sexual preference on my own and choose for myself. I feel my rape affected how I sexually interacted with men for years. What's sad is I'm not alone. My journey has inspired me to help others like me find their way, as my mentor did for me. It not about making homosexuals heterosexual, it's about helping individuals heal from a traumatic event in their life and having their mind, body and heart speak as one. It's about living a life of happiness, free from the torment that may have been bestowed upon them. It's simply about letting go. I want to be able to give a person an outlet to talk, and to speak without feeling like someone is going to judge them. Have them understand that there's someone in this world who has been through what that have and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. For now I think that's more than enough information about myself, but if you have any questions feel free to ask.
I was raped several times by my cousin. He's a year younger than me, but he's always been stronger and smarter than me, and he's always gone out of his way to humiliate me whenever possible.
A good highlight is my 11th birthday party. It was just me, five of my best friends from school, and my cousin. He was a year younger than the rest of us, and he didn't know anyone but me, but he somehow managed to rally my friends against me, convince them to strip me naked and deliver a birthday spanking--with his belt. I was naked and crying and begging them to stop, and they stopped to play "pin the tail on the donkey", which meant sticking a drumstick up my ass (he played the drums). I consider that incident my first rape.
For most of my childhood he tricked or forced me into public nudity at every possible opportunity. Usually it was just in front of the family, but it was always massively embarrassing.
He also taught my little sister that she could control me as long as she could get me by the balls. From when I was 12 to 14, every time my sister and I got in a fight, I would wake up the next morning with a string tied around my balls, and she would hold the other end of it, leading me around on a leash, making me do all kinds of humiliating things just so she wouldn't pull on the string extremely hard.
Yeah, that's just some of the impact that this cousin has had on my life.
When I was 13 and he was 12, he told me he'd lost his virginity. Even showed me a picture of the girl, who was 14 and incredibly hot. I still didn't believe him, and for some reason I dared him to prove it. He proved he was capable of sex by raping me, right there in my bedroom. Somehow he talked me into it like some kind of role play, like to illustrate how he did it with the girl. I guess I was really dumb back then, because I didn't realize he was raping me until he'd already stuck his dick in my ass.
Much like all the other humiliations he'd subjected me to over the years, my instinct was to take it in stride, to pretend I was okay with what was going on so I wouldn't look weak--i really didn't want people to feel sorry for me.
So I basically just let my cousin rape me, and he did it several other times over the next two years. It was less consensual on the subsequent times, IE he had to force me into rather than con me and play me for an idiot, but like I said, he was always stronger than me, and he's manipulative a**ho**. Blackmail was used very effectively.
I managed to stop seeing him when I was 15, which also ended the rape.
He did, however, reenter my life when I was 17. His family lives out of town and he came to stay with us for a month one summer because he was checking out colleges.
He didn't rape me while he was living with us, but I did discover that he was having sex (I think it was very consensual sex) with my little sister, who's a year younger than him. I didn't really care that it was incest, I was just jealous that they were both sexually active at their ages, while I was still virginal at 17--unless you count being raped as losing my virginity. The point is I'd never had a girlfriend, and I was hatefully jealous of any guy who had.
So one night, while I could hear them having sex (My room was right next to my sister's room) I barged in, pretending I needed to borrow something from my sister. I figured just interrupting them and depriving them of thier climax would bring me some kind of satisfaction.
The only satisfaction it brought me was that I got to see my sister naked, and she's quite attractive. My cousin was so angry that he once again stripped me naked and gave me a whipping with his belt. aND of course my sister took this opportunity to revive her old custom of hurting my balls.
So anyway, now I'm 26, I'm actually doing okay on my own, got a decent education and I'm holding down a job. But, surprise surprise, I can't have a normal relationship. I've never kept a girlfriend for more than three weeks, and I didn't lose my virginity till I was 23.
I don't see my family anymore, and that's exactly the way I want it.
Sorry for the long post. I know I seem like a bitter, angry guy, but it actually brought me a lot of peace and relief to finally tell someone about all this. I'd like to tell me friends (all new friends, met in the last 8 years), but I don't want them to think of me as someone who lay down and took all this shit.
So thanks for reading. Knowing that people who won't judge me are reading this really helps me out with my growth as a person.
Lance590, I am sorry that you had those experiences. Events and episodes like that can destroy a human being's psyche for the rest of their lives unless they make the choice to get help to process the experiences and heal from them.
The aftermath of the types of events that you described can only be addressed and managed by working with a trained professional that "gets it." We do not have the ability to process such experiences and managed the triggers, on our own. We simply don't. So, once we can say it out loud or write it on a piece of paper, we are "aware" of the source of many of our personal issues.
To find a counselor that "gets it," one can simply call their local domestic/family violence hotline and ask for a list of names of professionals that specialize in family violence/abuse, rape survival, PSTD, and "Stockholm Syndrome." The person answering the phone will not stand in judgement, nor will they try to provide counseling over the phone. They will give you a list of names and numbers, and hear your experiences to determine who the best counselor might be for you to work with. Most of these counselors provide their services at a greatly reduced rate, or free-of-charge. Having said that, it is very important for you to understand that the healing process is not simple, easy, or painless. There is a lot of emotional purging that has to occur, and it's not pleasant. But, once that purge has begun, it's like shedding skin and allowing warm sunlight onto ourselves.
You now have a choice of two possible actions. 1) Do something to process these experiences and heal yourself, or 2) do nothing and allow those experiences and that person to define who you are for the rest of your life. That's it.
As an aside, and not to be interpreted as a snide question, but where were your parents in all of this? This was clearly a dysfunctional situation, but was there some sort of other family abuse going on? You don't need to answer that question on this board - save it for your counselor. It's just something to consider that, when we are raised in an environment that is lacking of safety, security, acceptance, and approval, we tend to tolerate things (even, and most certainly, into adulthood) that are beyond abusive.
To find your local domestic/family abuse hotline, visit www.ndvh.org. Also, you may want to contact your local rape hotline. It doesn't matter if these things happened many years ago, Lance590. PSTD often takes years to develop, and personal issues as a result of rape often develop over a period of time. The crimes and abuses that you experienced (and, the subsequent damages) can be lifelong if you choose to "deal with it" on your own.
Lance, I hope your sister didn't learn how to do that to you from one of your parents. If she did, don't take your kids around them. I'm sorry man, family is where you run when you have no where else to go. In your case you don't even have that. Good luck bro !!!