Am very confused with a girl (who is now my ex) that have been with for 4 years
in the first year of us being together everything was great like any relationship and for the last 3 years it has been for lack of better words worse since I been with jer we have been through a lot
I had lost my job and got my car repoed but she helped me get it back and she lost a custody case against her ex and is paying child support.
From what I come to find out she had a bad relationship with her ex and he was always negative with her and they were together for more than 10 years.
Now where we are at is that this is the third time she has broken up with me and the reasons for every one of them is because she has been treating me bad and always being negative towards and she doesn't want to continue doing that to me and she needs her space to fix her self.
Now I understand that she has been through a lot and I know I haven't really been helping with all of my issues I put her through too. I really thought it was a phase and I understood why she was like that with me but then it starting getting worse and she was just treating like shit.
She was very distant and never would show me any affection or talk to me or text me like she used to. And every time she would call or I would call her she would just say "Hey" I started telling her how I felt and she would get more upset with and would tell me that all I was doing was making her feel bad and pointing fingers at her and etc. So I just kept dealing with it until we got to another argument because she thought I was interested in another girl and said we needed a break and that was that. I didn't speak to her for 3 months and all of a sudden she started talking to me and after a couple of months we were back together.
And of course everything was good for a couple of months and then went back to the same thing and I told her again and we broke up again but we would still see each other from time to time. Then a couple of months passed and we got back together.
Now we went to the same problem and she told me that she is going through a dark time in her life and she need space from me and that she doesn't want to continue to keep treating me like shit but while she is trying to figure herself out she wants me to be around.
Now I don't know what to do there are days that I hear from her and there are days that I don't am usually always at work and home I don't do anything else but wait for her to invite me over to watch a movie or show. Anytime she needs help at her job am always there for her. But I feel like she is more distant and that her feelings for me is fading or at least I think so.
I don't know what to do I don't know what to say to her. If she calls me or text me I answer all the time but never do I ever try to contact her until she contacts me.
Now I know that she thinks that am probably dating someone else or that am out and about having fun but am not. Am not sure what to do or say and am not sure how to approach this any more because anytime I ha e tried to fix things with us if has gotten worse and I don't want what we have to get messed up because am being to pushy.
I don't know if I should stay and be patient because I do really love her and I can't stand being without her but it seems like she doesn't want to be with me.
All I want is to be happy with her and get our life going again.
I am very sorry that you're so sad, right now. There are a number of things to contemplate about this on-again-off-again relationship.
The most important thing to understand and "accept" is the fact that you are not responsible for the happiness, well-being, healing, or progress of another person. You are the only person that you can control, and that's all there is to it. You cannot "fix" whatever her issues might be anymore than you could "fix" the life cycle of the solar system.
Another thing to consider is that it appears that this woman has some toxicity issues. Again, you cannot "fix" those for her, either. Some people are simply toxic. Have you ever spoken to her ex, in person? If you haven't, then you only have her version of what happened and "being negative" is a very, very broad description. That could be as simple as saying that he didn't think that the color blue suited her, or as dire as beating the living shit out of her for putting the toilette paper roll on the roller the wrong way, and everything in between. So..........."negative" can mean a host of things.
It may be a wise option to go totally "No Contact" until you've had a chance to sort yourself out and determine what you are NOT going to tolerate and appreciate your own value, first. It just might be that you will come to realize that you deserve far, far better in a companion and partner than what this woman is able to share with you.
Brightest blessings to you - you'll sort this out in a way that you'll learn, grow, and set boundaries for yourself, and others.
You don't need that! Let her go and find a woman who will treat you right. If that's the case now, it will be only worse in the future. She has no respect for you and she's taking you for granted. You deserve more.
But it will never happen until you really let her go.
Give her that time she's asking for.
She will understand that if she wants to keep you she has to learn how to act. And then when she's back (if you'll still accept her) she won't take you for granted anymore.
And if she won't come back then it wasn't meant to be.
If it is good enough for Rupert Murdoch then it should be good enough for the rest of us!
Rupert Murdoch has one. So do financiers Vivi Nevo and Bruce Wasserstein. Why are the West's most powerful men coupling up with younger Asian women?
Call it the Woody Allen Effect. When the venerable director scandalously left Mia Farrow for her adopted daughter, South Korean-born Soon-Yi Previn — 35 years his junior — he may as well have sent out a press release: Asian-girl fantasy trumps that of Hollywood royalty!
Many of the elite now turn to companies like A Foreign Affair to help them find Asian Trophy Wives. Foreign Affair specializes in matching high power men with model like women form around the world. Foreign Affair boast that they have helped over 20,000 couples during the 18 years of business.
Not two years after they tied the knot, media baron Rupert Murdoch walked down the aisle with fresh-faced Wendi Deng — 17 days after finalizing his divorce from his second wife. Then, CBS head Leslie Moonves wed TV news anchor Julie Chen; Oscar winner Nicolas Cage married half-his-age third wife Alice Kim; billionaire George Soros coupled up with violinist Jennifer Chun; and producer Brian Grazer courted concert pianist Chau-Giang Thi Nguyen. Add the nuptials of investment magnate Bruce Wasserstein to fourth wife Angela Chao and the pending vows between venture capitalist Vivi Nevo and Chinese actress Ziyi Zhang, and we've got a curious cultural ripple.
Were these tycoons consciously courting Asian babes? Do any of them qualify for the unnerving "yellow fever" or "rice king" moniker? It's unsavory to think so. But after two or three failed attempts at domestic bliss with women of like background and age, these heavy hitters sought out something different. Something they had likely fetishized.
Enter the doll-faced Asian sylph on the arm of a silver-haired Western suit. (Hello, mail-order bride!) The excruciating colonial stereotypes — Asian women as submissive, domestic, hypersexual — are obviously nothing new. But decades after The World of Suzie Wong hit drive-ins and more than 20 years since David Bowie's "China Girl" topped the music charts, why are we still indulging them?
Because they're omnipresent — and often entertaining. Even now, how many cinematic greats, literary best sellers, or even cell-phone ads (see Motorola's latest) characterize Asian women as something other than geishas, ninjas, or dragon ladies? As the object of opening-line zingers like "Me love you long time" (the infamous line from Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket), I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at the cheeky blog stuffwhitepeoplelike.com, which ranks Asian girls at number 11 because "Asian women avoid key white women characteristics, such as having a midlife crisis, divorce, and hobbies that don't involve taking care of the children." Sure, I'm petite and was in fact born in Shanghai, but — to the shock of more than one guy I've gone out with — I'd rather down an icy beer and burger than nurse bubble tea and eat dumplings while massaging his back with my toes.
"This is a common experience among Asian-American women," says Bich Minh Nguyen, who broaches the stereotypes in her latest novel, Short Girls. "They're dating a white guy, and they may not know if it's a fetish thing."
"It's like a curse that Asian-American women can't avoid," says C.N. Le, director of Asian and Asian-American Studies at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst. "From an academic point of view, the perception still serves as a motivation for white men."
According to Foreign Affair executives, "Our clients say they just can not find the values that they are looking for with beauty, these men have been looking their whole life here and have had no luck finding it. That is why they turn to us."
In researching his new book, The East, the West, and Sex, author Richard Bernstein found that the Orientalist illusion continues to influence. "Historically, Asia provided certain sexual opportunities that would be much more difficult for Western men to have at home. But it remains a happy hunting ground for them today," he says, citing one phenomenon in the northeastern region of Thailand called Issan, where 15 percent of marriages are between young Thai women and Western men well into their 60s.
But I suspect there's something else about the East that's seducing business bigwigs at this very moment: globalization. Consider that, stateside, Mandarin classes have spiked 200 percent over the past five years (apparently, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner was an early adopter; he taught Mandarin classes in his Dartmouth days), and China has claimed status as the world's top export nation. In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell theorizes that Asian kids' intrinsic work ethic makes them outsmart American kids in math. (In the latest Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development international education survey, Taiwanese students were tops in math, while the U.S. placed 35th.) It's as though these Western men are hungry for a piece of that mystical Eastern formula. As such, Asians (in addition to African orphans) are hot commodities right about now — status symbols as prized as a private Gulfstream jet or a museum wing bearing your name (neither of which goes so well with a frumpy, aging first wife).
Tellingly, most current trophies of choice are far more than exotic arm candy. They are accomplished musicians and journalists, they have Ivy League MBAs and hail from prestigious political families (Mrs. Wasserstein's older sis is former Labor Secretary Elaine Chao). Why, then, are these women falling for rich white patriarchs? Why be a target for headline comparisons to concubines? When Wendi Deng was described as "The Yellow Peril" in a recent magazine profile, it only marginalized her achievement: As chief strategist for MySpace China, she has become central to News Corp.'s expansion into the elusive Chinese market — something Murdoch himself had attempted, and failed to do, before she came into the picture.
While I'm sure that real love and affection is sometimes the bond in these culture-crossing May-December romances, could it be that power divorces of a certain ilk make the perfect renegade suitors for these overachieving Asian good girls — an ultimate (yet lame) attempt at rebellion? Maybe these outsized, world-class moguls are stand-ins for emotionally repressed Asian dads (one cliché that is predominantly true). Or...are these women just glorified opportunists? What's so perverse is that while Asians have always revered their elders, sleeping with a guy old enough to be your grandfather is just creepy — in any culture.
So do these marriages last? Kenneth Agee, marketing director of Foreign Affair say," these marriages have almost twice the success rate of domestic marriages, much less likely to end in divorce"
Very interesting post! At this time i personaly know 3 men who are marrying and or courting phillipino women more than half their age. Its hard to judge the outcomes. The first man (56) married an 18 yr old. She stayed in america 6 montbs and then returned to the phillipeans pregnant. The man never sees his child bride but sends her thousands of dollars in hopes she will return. I think men tend to want sex slaves and submissive women and figure asain or phillipeano women will provide that. But these women are NOT robots!and i dont believe any young girl wants to or can tolerate sex with men old enuf to be their grampas for very long. If the men lose thousands on trying to buy a submissive sex slave then they deserve to lose the money. If they are trying to find an easy way into a relationship with out being able to learn good relationship skills then they deserve to be cheated out of their $, just my opinion.
It looks so unnatural and even unpleasant when you see grandpas with 18 years old girls. I do not understand those girls. I mean money is great, but it is so gross to sleep with someone who does not attract you. And i do not understand those men who gained a status with the help of their wit, but behave themselves like boys...
I've noticed that a lot of people like to focus on studies that find that women who had sex with men with and without their foreskin experienced different levels of sex. That basically means you're looking for an experienced women which can be a bit difficult to find.
I'd like to propose an easier way to find a link between sexual pleasure and circumcision. Divorce rates. Compare the two groups and see who wins out. After all, sex has a lot to do with divorce.
Wat? I seriously do not understand your post, on any level. Sex is the reason for divorce? Is that what you're typing? And, that circumsision has something to do with this theory? ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sit in a Family Court, for a few days, listen and observe. Divorce rates are so high because of "No Fault" rules in nearly every State in the U.S. (48, I believe), and in Europe. This is a relatively "new" legal concept that was adopted about 60-70 years ago ostensibly to protect housewives from destitution and ruin if their husbands ran off with the secretary leaving them with no place to live, no income, and children to feed. The rule used to be that whoever earned the income owned the income, along with any properties purchase with the income. The rules were changes so that anyone could break the legal contract of marriage for any reason, and that all debts and assets would be evenly distributed between the two parties. So, one person could come home (and, this has, indeed, happened) to find that their spouse has moved out, taking every piece of furniture with them, and is filing for divorce because they don't like eating macaroni and cheese every Thursday.
"No Fault" was a good idea, in theory, but it didn't account for seriously bad behaviors (like fraud, sexual perversions, etc.) and this needs to be AMENDED - punitive damages for specific behaviors would cause many, many, many people to reconsider their actions before they make a legal error if there is money on the line. It's not about morals, ethics, or simple values, anymore, and the only thing that people seem to respond to is facing a financial consequence for the rest of their lives.
I think you make some good points. I wasn't familiar with the history or ostensible purpose of no-fault divorce and as you say, it might not be a bad idea if it were amended somewhat to accommodate punitive damages.
In any case, only the legal system and the lawyers really win.
Hello Forum... ... ... Ok, being an Admin on one of the FaceBook pages.. some time back I posted my own article about SUICIDE. One guy contacted that FB page in order to find Help from Doctors to die quick... He tried to make it happen by drinking couple of Hundreds Sleeping pills but Doctors Saved him and he turned to that page. I am Extremely HAPPY that I saw that post of his even Not being an admin of that page by then. So I answred him and tried to talk Sense to him.. ... ... So here is a copy of that article. :) ... ......................................... ... ... SUICIDE… ... ... What comes on your mind w ... [This message is long. Retrieve the whole message]
is tough knowing there and staying here... but here is where we are... We are God's playthings and of course God would not want His playthings to die... Quit before our plan is run... and that is what ran through my mind for years...
but that is not the whole story about suicide. Suicide is not just killing yourself. Suicide is like one of those IED's they use in suicide bombing only a depression incited suicide kills those we love. The hurt of suicides even carries on from generation to generation. Once it starts in a family... there is always a chance that even distant cousins will kill themselves because they heard you did... Suicide should not be an option...
We each have a basic plan we agreed to before we were born. So many lives are entwined and weaved into our plan and their plans. The NDE's of suicides are by far and away the most likely to be negative NDE's...
I had a great grandmother, who in her 90's, would sit in a chair and say, "I want to die", "I want to die"... over and over... She did finally die but when I was in huge pain... for years... I started saying the same thing.. hundreds of times a day some-days...
I won the battle of fighting that voice by realizing it was not me but rather my great grandmother's voice trapped in a part of my brain where other ugly statements about myself were stored. Those words that were converted from you are stupid changed to the inner trapped voice that said
"I am stupid." All people hear negative sayings echoing in their heads and sometimes this can motivate us to change but if we embrace those words and begin repeating them then
it may end with suicide as the only option to stop the sayings. I won. I finally stopped the repeated negative sayings by talking back to the voice. I would say something like... Yes... I want to die but if I am going to live then this is my plan to make staying here tolerable... and I would give steps with positive affirmations... 1) I am not going to be so tough on myself. 2) I am going to get up out of bed and walk around the block. 3) I am goiung to find a reasons to laugh. 4) I am going to eat something really.
And when I failed to meet those goals and the saying came back, I would talk back to it again and say... " I realize I did not follow my plan but I did do some of the things I said... I found a reason to laugh... " I would then come up with things to add to my plan... and when I failed... I would go back to number 1) Dont be too rough on myself...
I continued fighting against the sayings and some 25 years later... I still get the sayings but they dont repeat themselves over and over... I realize those saying were meant... even if done so in a cruel way... to motivate me to change... The loop is gone...
How unbelievably true. I wish adults realized that children are born blank slates and so many cruel and horrible things adults say and do to them and around them (whether they realize what they are doing or not) are often written into the subconscious of those children in indelible ink. I am 53 years old and struggle every single day to try to undo or "write over" so many things. There must be a reason why I am here, but I've yet to figure it out. Your faith in God is awe-inspiring.
1. Always take time for Yourself, at least 30 minutes per day.
2. Be aware of your own stress meter: Know when to step back and cool down.
3. Concentrate on controlling Your Own situation, without controlling everybody else.
4. Daily Exercise will Burn Off the Stress chemicals.
5. Eat lots of Fresh fruit (ideally for breakfast), Veggies (also in its Raw form added to every meal but fruits), healthy carbs (like brown rice, oats and so on) and water, give your body the Best for it to Perform at its Best.
6. Forgive others, don't hold grudges and be tolerant -- not everyone is as capable as you. Forgive others Not because they deserve it but becouse YOU Deserve that Peace..
7. Gain perspective on things, how important is the issue?
8. Hugs, Kisses and Laughter: Have fun and don't be afraid to Share your Feelings with Others.
9. Identify Stressors and plan to deal with them better next time.
10. Judge your own performance Realistically; don't set goals out of your own reach.
11. Keep a Positive Attitude, your outlook will influence outcomes and the way others treat you.
12. Limit Alcohol, and other stimulants, they affect your Perception and Behaviour.
13. Manage money Well, seek advice and save at least 10 per cent of what you earn.
14. 'No' is a word you Need to learn to use Without feeling guilty.
15. Outdoor activities by yourself, or with friends and family, can be a great way to Relax.
16. Play your Favourite Music rather than watching television.
17. Quit Smoking: It is stressing your body daily, not to mention killing you too.
18. Relationships: Nurture and enjoy them, learn to Listen More and talk less.
19. Sleep Well, with a firm mattress and a supportive pillow; don't overheat yourself and allow plenty of ventilation.