I am very sorry that you're so sad, right now. There are a number of things to contemplate about this on-again-off-again relationship.
The most important thing to understand and "accept" is the fact that you are not responsible for the happiness, well-being, healing, or progress of another person. You are the only person that you can control, and that's all there is to it. You cannot "fix" whatever her issues might be anymore than you could "fix" the life cycle of the solar system.
Another thing to consider is that it appears that this woman has some toxicity issues. Again, you cannot "fix" those for her, either. Some people are simply toxic. Have you ever spoken to her ex, in person? If you haven't, then you only have her version of what happened and "being negative" is a very, very broad description. That could be as simple as saying that he didn't think that the color blue suited her, or as dire as beating the living shit out of her for putting the toilette paper roll on the roller the wrong way, and everything in between. So..........."negative" can mean a host of things.
It may be a wise option to go totally "No Contact" until you've had a chance to sort yourself out and determine what you are NOT going to tolerate and appreciate your own value, first. It just might be that you will come to realize that you deserve far, far better in a companion and partner than what this woman is able to share with you.
Brightest blessings to you - you'll sort this out in a way that you'll learn, grow, and set boundaries for yourself, and others.
Wat? I seriously do not understand your post, on any level. Sex is the reason for divorce? Is that what you're typing? And, that circumsision has something to do with this theory? ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sit in a Family Court, for a few days, listen and observe. Divorce rates are so high because of "No Fault" rules in nearly every State in the U.S. (48, I believe), and in Europe. This is a relatively "new" legal concept that was adopted about 60-70 years ago ostensibly to protect housewives from destitution and ruin if their husbands ran off with the secretary leaving them with no place to live, no income, and children to feed. The rule used to be that whoever earned the income owned the income, along with any properties purchase with the income. The rules were changes so that anyone could break the legal contract of marriage for any reason, and that all debts and assets would be evenly distributed between the two parties. So, one person could come home (and, this has, indeed, happened) to find that their spouse has moved out, taking every piece of furniture with them, and is filing for divorce because they don't like eating macaroni and cheese every Thursday.
"No Fault" was a good idea, in theory, but it didn't account for seriously bad behaviors (like fraud, sexual perversions, etc.) and this needs to be AMENDED - punitive damages for specific behaviors would cause many, many, many people to reconsider their actions before they make a legal error if there is money on the line. It's not about morals, ethics, or simple values, anymore, and the only thing that people seem to respond to is facing a financial consequence for the rest of their lives.
That is so true - the lawyers will be paid regardless of the negotiations or judge's rulings.
Is it possible that the original poster needs to address his past before he can go about casting stones? Predatory behavior reaps what it sows, and this might be one of Life's Lessons: what goes around, comes around.
I would urge the OP to cease all "intimate" relationships and get into some serious counseling to get to the root of his own behaviors. What is very clear is that the OP is apparently wanting to control his girlfriend - we do not have the ultimate authority to control anyone but OURSELVES. Once the OP has done some hard, courageous, and difficult work, he'll be ready to engage in a meaningful relationship where "intimacy" doesn't necessarily equate to sex.
oops....WIFE, not girlfriend.
My most sincere apologies for my post - it DID read quite judgemental, and I am very sorry.
The point that I was trying to get at was that the OP obviously has issues with intimacy - not sexua| intimacy, just plain intimacy. Now, whatever the wife has done is her own responsibility, but in order to avoid making the same disastrous choices in a partner, again, it would be a very strong and courageous leap for the OP to engage in individual counseling. He cannot "fix" whatever is motivating his wife to cheat. The only person that he can control is himself and his choices. If he chooses to remain with someone who has breached his trust, then he'll be hard-pressed to maintain a healthy relationship with that person, on ANY LEVEL.
Again, my sincere apologies for my remarks.
Whats crazy is a lot of women do this, or go through this. Must be some baby hormone thing, I dunno. Most girls do this at 20 too.
Start f***ing a bunch of dueds and drag some poor guy through it.
Good news, she will whore herself tired, and realize she loves you. Might take a year and couple of guys later but it will
happen. OH and shes going to give you a STD if your not super careful. If you do have sex with her again. Put on a condom, and watch her face. She will get soooo insulted so pissed. But stick to your guns! Tell her to shut the f*** up and lay down.
Personally I don't think she respects you.
You went to a bar to pick up some chick but couldn't.. thats the problem. I think if you got your game back, then you could easily get her back. You need to relearn whatever it was you once had. And thats how to go out and f*** girls.
That's what was attractive about you. You had an attitude, an air about you that comes with the fact you know you can go out and f*** a bunch of different girls. Its Attractive. Get that back!! She will see that and find you attractive again.
I think board games are a great way to bring people together to stop the feeling of loneliness. Take The Logo Game, Chess, Backgammon or Market Meltdown for example - hours of fun!
It's very normal to mourn a loss, whether it's a close relative to natural passing, or a relationship that went bad.
Dwelling on the loss is the problem, though it doesn't sound as if you're doing too much of that. It sounds more as if you're reflecting on how to avoid choosing a bad partner, in the future. Good for you!!! Putting aside education for any relationship is a really, really big error in judgment - at least, it was for me. Our education is more important that we can possibly imagine, and it's a good thing that you didn't end up marrying this guy. It's so very easy (and, cheap!) to get married. Getting OUT of a bad marriage costs thousands in fees and untold emotional damage.
That your family "resented" your relationship with this person should be re-examined. I think "resented" may be a misnomer - perhaps, they were concerned and, rightly so. Often, those around us can see far more clearly than we can, so forgive them for their concern.
Best wishes to you!
Being hurt in a relationship can be devastating, especially for those with a low self-esteem. If you want to be successful, in a significant relationship you need to have a healthy self-iimage. People with a healthy self-imaghe do not get hurt so much in rejection of love. They know they deserve better and start looking for a BETTER relationship very soon. But if you have a low self-esteem rejection in love can be really devastating. It seems to reinforce a previously held negative self-image. It can trigger a depression, and this means a pre-existing tendency to become depressed was latent to start off with. Having a low self-esteem also leaves you open to manipulation by others.
You might think that a low self-esteem is a "psychological" matter, something you have acquired because of bad childhood experiences or learned negative ideas about the self. Very often people with a low self-esteem can trace these feeling back into the past, which seems to confirm that it has been acquired because of a learning process or because of "bad" parenting by a child's parents. That of course implies that you can be talked out of these negative feelings by a long process of talk therapy.
You may be surprised to hear that there is a much easier method of overcoming a negative self-image, if you start to realize that a low self-esteem is simply caused by your body's inability to produce feel good neurotransmitters. This may have been going on for a long time. Therefore if it is not "psychological" what is it then?
People who suffer unknowingly from a silent illness - such as hypoglycemia - have problems producing feel good neurotransmitters such as serotonin and can become depressed. One sign of that depression is having a low self-esteem.
The reason is that hypoglycemia means the inability of the body to produce biological energy called ATP from carbohydrates in food. That energy is essential if the body wants to manufacture feel good neurotransmitters and right hormones from nutrients in food. Thus the body lacks the necessary energy to convert tryptophan in food to serotonin. And because serotonin is also the forerunner of melatonin - the sleeping chemical - many depressed people also have problem with have a restful sleep.
The beauty is that you do not need any drugs to overcome depression, low self-esteem or insomnia, but to simply adopt the Hypoglycemic Diet.
Give it some time on the hypoglycemia diet (about three months) and you will start to feel much better about yourself.
As I said it is important to have a healthy self-image (in the literal sense of the word) to be successful in love and life.
Now you are ready to to do some self-help psychotherapy by studying:
in its entirety from beginning to end. It includes a program showing you how to overcome a negative self-image, and assertiveness training program, communication course and values clarification course. You may need the help of a CBT therapist to complete the course. But most people will get better at it by themselves, by just reading the articles over and over again.
I can assure that you will never be hurt again in a love relationship. The course also gives you some insight into your prospective partner. You will never choose a bad apple anymore, and if you made a mistake, you will learn from the experience and become emotional richer, instead of poorer!
Please also read:
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