Stinky smelly smell.. Oh no!
When I was 8-9 years old, I used to eat Indian junk foods. I'm indian, so that's why I ate indian junk food. The junk was very spicy, as indian food is known for. Basically, I never paid any attention to my diet, and neither did my parents. I used to eat loads of those bags of junk and spice, and then..
BOOM! One day, I went to school and I had a gas explosion. I couldn't stop passing gas. And I will never forget how uncomfortable I was- and how I physically just couldn't stop myself from passing gas no matter how hard I tried. It was just too much! Anyway, so I just kept passing gas all throughout that day. The girl who sat next to me commented about it to someone else. I heard her saying I kept "farting over and over again". Which was indeed true.
The next day, I went to school, and I immediately got comments about my body odor. No one spared me any empathy (because no one wants to stink..) or even had any shame in flat out insulting me! But what would you expect from a bunch of 10 year old youths.
Anyway, it's been about 5 years of this continuous cycle of fecal body odor. My family has not passed up an opportunity to shame me for my "stinky" odor.
The reason I put the "" on "stinky" is because I can't smell the smell myself. So I really never even smelled my stink. I really wish I could though. So I could empathize with people and understand why they would feel the need to hurt me so much because of it. Oddly enough, there have been a few rare moments in class where I have smelled a strong fecal odor that.. sort of bounced off of another person onto me. I don't know how else to describe it. I knew then and there that the odor I smelled was from my body. It was pretty bad. I could only smell it for a few seconds.
The air was always thick and musty. I don't know how to describe it- like I said before, I can't smell my stink. It's a huge burden, not being able to smell myself, because I don't know when I stink the most. So I know to stay away from people as much as I can. But even if I could smell myself, I doubt I would be able to stay away from people in school. School is where everyone is pretty much ALWAYS close to each other. *sigh*.
Ever since the body odor began, I have felt a tightness in my waist. An extreme temperature change. I have always felt heavy, as if there was a block inside me, weighing me down. I know- you're probably thinking it's feces or something. Well, it might be. Whatever it is- it's annoying me. Okay, so, as I was saying.. The hot , heavy tightness in my stomach is something I can not explain, but I almost definitely know it is being caused or has something to do with/by the body odor.
Whenever I eat dairy, or any food at all, really, I get these gas bubbles in my stomach. I don't think it can be classified as indigestion, because it's not like I'm actually passing the gas. You know? It's like the gas is popping inside me. I can literally feel it popping and the heat from the bubble making my stomach hotter than it already was from the unknown tightness.
And yes, it is as uncomfortable and somewhat painful as it sounds.
Okay, I know this message is already hella long, but bare with me. I'm not having any fun writing this. Not at all. I *wish* I could just write 2 sentences and stop there, but I have to put some effort into talking about this... for whatever purpose. I suppose for the purpose of someone.. YOU, the reader, reading this and knowing you aren't alone in your seemingly endless struggle of depression and hazardous health. Or you, the reader, reading this and helping me in my struggle, if you have any tips. Although, something I do not appreciate is all the diagnoses. "You have parasites", "You have this", "You have this strange disease no one has ever heard of", "You have that", "blah blah blah".
Trust me, honey, I already have about 50 other disorders and health problems lined up that I could possibly have. I don't need any more. But- if you truly ARE trying to help, for your own satisfaction. The satisfaction of knowing you are a decent human being. Decent enough to help a vulnerable, depressed person. Then good for you. Thanks. But if you want to take advantage of a vulnerable, depressed person, then please, do us all a favor- shove your $20 "Instant Stinko Fixer!" where the sun don't shine. We're vulnerable- not gullible. Damn you.
Back to the strange symptom things. (As you can tell, I'm not very good at making names for things.. lol). I do this thing with my upper lip, where I move my lip higher up so that the top of my upper lip touches with my nose. So basically, my upper lip is near the nose holes. So I can smell my upper lip. Okay, so, I check every now and then how my upper lip smells. Sometimes it smells, sometimes it doesn't. Strange, right? I only recently found out about the smelling your lip trick-thing-a-ma-bobber. SO, it usually has a slightly foul odor emitting from it. It's a little bit like gas, mixed with poo. I don't know if theres a difference in the two smells, but whatever. (lmao). I don't know if when the upper lip smells, that signifies that my whole body smells. Or if my body smells like my upper lip.
Another thing, when I move my saliva across my tongue, there are different textures. Just like with the upper lip thing, my saliva texture changes on different times of the day. It's not scheduled, the texture just changes randomly, I guess. I don't know, I usually just feel my saliva when it touches my tongue, and it feels different. Thats when I notice it. It's strange, I don't know if it has anything to do with anything. I saw a video where there was a girl with Candida who showed her spit in a glass filled with water, and how it had a weird texture. She said that the spit had something to do with Candida or something. Honestly, I can barely remember. Sorry.
One of the strangest parts of the whole body odor and body changes situation.. Is that I feel super spaced out every day all day. It's been like this for 5 years. I remember exactly how it felt when I was odor free. I felt light, and almost transparent in my stomach area. I felt the wind when it passed through my body. Like, I felt so.. light. I just had a completely different feeling in general before the leaky gut and crap.
Before the smell, I used to hold in my.. urin and feces. Basically what I'm saying is that I didn't use the restrooms at school. Mostly because they were dirty, and I was uncomfortable about having to poo and pee with a bunch of classmates. It was embarrassing to me.. I guess because of the sounds that the poo made when it.. you know.. It was just embarrassing. There was also an incident where I was using the restroom, and I was literally sitting down on the toilet, and the lock on the door wouldn't lock fully, so I was vulnerable. So- this random girl opened the door when I was doing my thing, and she saw me. She closed it quick enough for it not to be awkward, but just the fact that she saw me taking a dump was enough to make me not step foot in the restroom again. It was just easier and quicker. So, yeah. I used to wait all day until I came home to use the restroom. That is exactly 6 hours and 30 minutes+ of me holding it in. That could have done damage to my intestines, right? Eh.
I had constipation when I was a kid. I still do sometimes. But not every day. It comes and goes, I guess.
I have a bump on the lower left side of my abdomen. I don't know if it's feces or something.. But when I push on it with my hand, it moves freely. No pain. I don't know what it is.
COMPLETELY CRAPPY THEORY:
My incomplete, slapped-together theory- is that after eating bags and bags of spicy indian junk food chips, my gut just.. failed. so, the day in school, when I couldn't stop passing gas, is because of all the junk food and me not using the bathroom. My intestines somehow.. exploded? (for lack of a better word). So, my intestinal lining might have become so thin that it broke, creating the broken, or "leaky" gut. (Which might be the cause for my daily bloating..?) So, all the gas just came out all at once which lead to the stinking up of the classroom. Okay, the leaky gut basically takes all the food I eat and isn't able to digest it properly because of the broken part that makes it "leak".
I don't know the rest of it or the reason for the odor...
Now- all the things together. A simplified version.
Heat, unusual weight, tightness in stomach area. Overall unusual heat in/on body.
Upper lip smell
Saliva texture change
Constipation now and then and used to have constipation when younger
When younger used to have extreme anxiety and used to cry a lot, almost every day (I don't know if high amounts of stress can lead to leaky gut along with a bad diet etc etc.. so thats why I'm adding).
Gas that pops inside of stomach and makes the inside of my stomach even warmer
Used to hold in poop at school (still do)..
Bump on lower left part of abdomen
Generally spaced out feeling every day..
Thick warm air always surrounding.. Probably the smell
Can not smell my body odor
... I probably have more that I can't remember right now. More symptoms of every day life due to leaky gut that I didn't put here because I forgot.
Alright, that's all. I just wanted to write all this down.
If you want to contact me or be my friend so we can talk about depression due to the smell, feel free to message me or even just comment. I have an email, if you want to email me them message me on here and then I will give you my email.
Have a good day, and may God bless you.