No there isn't substance abuse going on. In fact, when he was in his 20s, he had a brush with the law which made him decide to not drink or smoke pot ever again. Surprisingly, he has stuck to that all these years.
My SIL met him when he ended a turbulent relationship with a woman who is a psycho---and the mother of his 2 kids. They never married but long story short, he got full custody of the kids (but first had them DNA tested to make sure that they were his).
My SIL took both him and the kids into her house (she was divorced and childless). Eventually, they married. She is more of a mother to those troubled kids than their own mother ever was. I really don't think that my brother appreciates her.
While I'm not going to call her, should she call when my brother isn't around, I will bring up the issue to her.
Those are really awesome tips to stay strong in a relationship. I used to remember all the important dates in our love life. Remembering and telling the dates correctly while expressing our feelings makes him so happy.
I'm so sorry that you've experienced such a sad series of events. Venting is helpful, to a degree.
The problem with acrimonious divorces is that there are very hard feelings involved. Most people don't opt for counseling because their friends and family tell them to "...just get over it and move on." In many cases, the betrayals require the assistance of a trained, licensed professional to help people process what they've experienced and put it in perspective so that they can move on with their lives.
As it is, this was done over 30 years ago, and I can completely understand the situation (see my blog, "Coping With Betrayal" on CureZone). This is your opportunity to let go of everything so that you can be whom you were intended to be. You do not have to be involved in your ex-wife's choices or decisions.
Also, child support is a very touchy subject for most people, especially those who are making the payments. Legally speaking, once that payment has been made, it is nobody's business how that money is spent. Yes, I tend to agree that it may not be "fair," but it is just, and most people cannot and will not accept that.
I would gently and firmly suggest that you really contemplate getting involved with some strong counseling therapy with a professional that is mature, knowlegable, and well-trained. This doesn't mean that you would be "weak" or incompetent because you sought help. This is beyond most people's ability to process, hence the need for an experienced guide to better emotional health.
I wish the very best for you and bright blessings on your healing path.
Exia, that's why counseling therapy might be a good option - to help you process your feelings, properly and safely. And, to begin to rebuild your system of beliefs, perceptions, and ability to respond rather than react.
"Love" is a very broad sentiment that requires maturity and a strong, healthy sense of Self, and it is quite likely that you still "love" what this woman should have been, rather than what she truly is. I had no idea what "love" really was for over 50 years, and I had the same issue with the first abusive spouse - I "loved" what I thought he should have been and ignored what he actually was, and I chose this man because I was raised in a dysfunctional family environment and developed a whole host of messed up thinking. My messed up thinking spanned all relationships, not just romantic ones, and I didn't realize that Life could be different from the drama/trauma that I seemed to constantly experience. Don't wait until half your life is passed before you seek to sort yourself out. It's a challenge to walk away and learn something from such bad situations, but you sound as if you really want to take away some kind of wisdom from this. So, brightest blessings to you and you CAN do this.
I'm recovering from a heartbreak. I thought I would never make it ! I want to encourage those who are in the same situation: it is possible to make it and recover from it.
One book has actually helped me a lot : "How to Overcome Emotional Pain" from Nassera Victoria, a counselor.
and now I can say : I'm back to life ! Changed forever, but back to life ! Hope you will be too.
Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like "Get Revenge On Your Ex"
for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.
So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
nude photos of her and so on.
The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It's much
better to show you are indifferent and don't care.
According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
helping men find young beautiful foreign women, "The best revenge is to date
or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
or more successful.
I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
Russia." says Agee, "The client told me that two days on our tour was better
than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.
I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
pounds. I don't look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
who saved me from my ex and years of suffering." This is the best a revenge
when you win without lowering yourself.
Other sites like "Get Over Her Now" give practical advice and tips for
getting over a past relationship.
Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:
Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.
Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.
Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your
Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don't let a break up effect
your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
and help attract better quality women.
Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
depressed, don't sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
something that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. Take a
class, go hiking, fix something you've been putting off.
Don't start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
life. Don't drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
something, don't drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.
Don't sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be
Don't binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!