OK, I'M PRAYING-ONE DAY IS BALANCED AND UNDERSTANDING 'figure I'm being postitive and it takes 1 day at a time TIME HEALS ALL'. I've been on a date or two, I'm getting sooooooooo many compliments, meeting nice gentlemen BUT I'M STILL CRYING OVER A LONG TIME EX (from right after high school - who found me on FB and visitied 1 week). I know I expected too much, I found it WE CHANGED!! I just really wanted more, my feelings were rekindled and although I handled it maturely I CAN'T MOVE ON, I CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING, I CAN'T STOP CRYING. I'm angry ALOT now, I believe and KNOW I deserve happiness. I also learned and observed he had not grown up (mentally, with priorities in order etc etc). BUT, AS STUPID AS IT SOUND: I STILL LOVE HIM. W H A T!!!!! is wrong with me. ( ?) (?) (?) (?)
I went through the exact same thing at 58 with my high school sweetheart... It took years for me to stop crying (the first year as much as three hours a day), and I never stopped thinking about him...although not always fondly. It is now five years later, and just yesterday, I felt his presence in my car for a minute or so as I was driving home from work, almost as if he were sitting next to me.
How long it will take to settle down depends on the circumstances of your life, the intensity of your feelings for him, your age, your general health and lifestyle practices and how much support you have.
i can relate to you both so much . i am also thinking about my high school love all the time, even after years. nothing helped so far, neither crying, nor looking for affection with other girls. in fact, kissing random girls always made me cringe and sick to my stomach.
i also thought i would be the only person who could be so sensitive. maybe hypnosis can help? i mean what if the right person never shows up ? it really sucks.
Cringing or feeling sick when kissing someone new is a bit extreme. Perhaps counseling could help. Or EFT therapy. At any rate, while I don't know how old you are, and there is always hope, ultimately, in order to make peace with yourself you must learn to learn accept "what is".
You may find someone tomorrow, but the reality is that some people never do and they either end up alone, in an unhappy marriage or a string of unhappy marriages just to keep from being alone.
I did both...but ended up alone and have learned to embrace it.
I believe that some people have karmic blockages that keep them from finding fulfillment in romantic love, in that they either meet a soul mate and something goes wrong or they simply never find something as special as that.
The fact is that in the long run MOST people are incompatible with each other. Just one look at the divorce and domestic abuse statistics can confirm that. So you are far from being the only one.
thank you so much for your response, but i don't totally agree with you on some things written to someone else about cringing up when he kisses someone. i have experienced this frustration and/or unfamiliar ground (means he's healing). i to married before for nearly 15 years, we toughened it out and i don't regret that it didn't work because i gave my all. so, i do have closure and believe that i deserve love and happiness (even through my pain over this ex lover from the past). dating is a learned behavior that is challenging and sensitive. just like adjusting to marriage, i'm learning to adjust to dating. i'm at a point in my life, in which i'm content with myself and i embrace my peace with comfort (blessings). however, when i was found on fb by my ex right out of highschool, i thought this was familiar ground (so i felt safe). we didn't have a bad break up -we were jus kids- but i remember the 'love'. after speaking for months (i thought), the fairytale stuff....this is the one, it's a reason why he's back into my life...we never argued 'as kids dating'...bla bla bla. well, we changed after so many years and it hurt that i expected sooooo much. i'm more disappointed!!! but, the pain does not stop (i really wanted it to work)..
eft does not work. it didnt work for me and it doesnt even work for the practitioners that are well-known in the eft community. i know for a fact that some of them have seeked help at naturopaths for various diseases, so apparently its not a magic bullet and they know. but at least they make a lot of money off of it.
and yes, it may be extreme to feel sick when kissing random girls, but they were party girls only interested in sex but i am looking for love and i cant be someone i am not.
however , i am only in my mid-twenties so maybe i can get over her with some counseling. i definitely do not want to think about her all my life...
Not everything works for all people. I didn't think EFT worked either...when the issue was hot it didn't seem to do me any good. However, now that I have cooled off, I do it on myself whenever I am feeling obsessive about something, and it seems to help. Its' simple. It's free. It only takes a minute to learn how to do it. But to use it on yourself or not is up to you. I never thought of it as a cure all for diseases...just emotional issues, which may or may not be tied to disease.
When I worked with a practitioner, I did not find it to be all that expensive. Mine also used counseling and acupuncture... Going there helped me in that it was supportive, but it was really the passing of time that got me under control.
Hypnosis didn't work for me either, but I know it works for some.
We are complicated, complex creatures. There is no magic bullet for anything.
you are not the only sensitive person, i loved my ex before he even arrived to see me. i guess it hurts more, knowing that we won't even have a chance to be friends. i feel like we have history together and we know one another (whether the intimacy/love relationship part didn't work or not). i guess that is why i didn't put up any boundaries with him (stupid!!!) i have been on dates, i do not compare; and yes i believe i deserve happiness and could see the goodness and respect out of other men. but, it doesn't stop the pain when i'm lying in bed at 1am and 3 am in the morining. it doesn't stop me from gazing through my pics on my phone at his smile (as if i'm sneeking). i feel so juvenile at times wondering (what is wrong with me?) i do know that he is my soulmate, just didn't expect it not to work because of this reason.
i don't even know if it would be proper for me to except him back, if he attempted to come back/get in touch with me. but, it would sure feel good if he did.
i know and believe there's someone for everyone and i have not given up on love. my heart is just not ready to share (not quite sure when it will be), i need to heal and learn what it is im going through (esp at my age)....
that' really scarey (that it could be indefinite). i feel so juvenile, you would think his nonresponsiveness/desire to call or get in touch with me, would make me 'stronger' and/or angrier. but it doesn't! i have some good faith fulfilled days, occupied constantly and even went on a date or two. i have an ex-boyfriend who 'sounds' interested and even shows that he is. but it's n.o.t. (him). i know i have to heal first (but have to be willing bla bla bla). but it's just not easy.
again, i know i expected tooo much when we met/reunited; but, it was the same for me. the sad part is-i had no boundaries (usually do always). i was thinking he's safe oh yeah,,this is familiar ground *we know one another*. i really thought if it didn't work out or we werent' compatible, atleast we could be in eachother's lives (as friends)...i always have wished the best for him. but, ( on his end ), i guess he felt that if we didn't work out >>no call, no interest, no contact<<. i did not give him the pleasure of allowing him to see my pain, when he left. but, i'm so sick inside. i know he's probably not right for me, but it would atleast feel better knowing that he attempted to come back (whether friends or not), i would feel like 'maybe he did care'. even if i didn't take him back-it means alot knowing that he did care. it hurts knowing that he didn't.
Yah I've been there too (about girls though, as I'm a guy lol).
What I tell myself now at 25 though is that... if something didn't work out... then it just wasn't "meant to be" :) Not in like a fate way, but more that if two people are really, really right for each other, then everything will work out in the end! :) And if not? Well then there'll be someone out there that you WILL get along with better, and then it will work!
That always makes me feel much better now if something goes wrong to do with rships! heh - hope it helps! :)