I found this forum while typing in 'rape victims support'. I neep some advice from anyone here, other than talking to a teacher or friend because I don't want my mom to find out. I just don't know what to do. I'm a 14 year old boy who is being raped by my mom's boyfriend. They have been dating for two years and he moved in with us last year.
I thought Dave(not his real name) and I were getting along great and he seemed cool until four months ago when my mom went to work(she works evenings), Dave looked at me differently. Before he looked at me in a fatherly way but this time he looked at me in a very uncomfortable way, I can't even describe it. I never had any reason to think he'd hurt me in a sexua| way. He has said plenty of times how I'm such a cute boy and will be a hit with the girls but I'm sure dads say that to their sons on occasion. Anyway, he grabed me and started dragging me into the dining room. When I resisted and asked what he was doing, he slapped me.
He then threw me onto the floor and got on top of me. He ripped off my clothes and raped me anally. I screamed from the pain and he slapped me again. I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt so betrayed and terrified. I was bleeding. Why did he suddenly go from being fatherly to a monster? When he finished raping me, he grabed my hair and threatened to hurt my mom if I tell anyone what happened. He just left me there on the floor crying. When mom came home the next morning she noticed my eye lids swelled up and that I was walking funny. Dave told her that he gave me a whipping for not minding him.(mom allows him to spank me when I misbehave so this was the perfect excuse for him). Him raping me has continued almost daily for four months now and I have learned to deal with the physical and emotional pain from it all but lately I have been bleeding from my rectum more than usual when he's finished raping me. I notice it on my underwear and especially when I take a poop. It's so sore there too.
I have been hiding my bloody underwear but I'm so scared my mom will find out and I'm even more scared as to why I'm bleeding. Could I have a disease? I heard about diseases you can catch from having sex. I'm so scared. I can't go to a doctor or nurse without my mom finding out. I know this Dave guy will make good on his promise to hurt my mom because he's so violent. Like one other time when mom was getting ready to go to work, I asked her if I could spend the night at a friend's house(to try and get away from Dave) and Dave interupted before mom could answer and said "no,you can't.
I told you you were being punished for not doing all your chores" so mom agreed with him. So I was terrified when mom left because I pissed Dave off for trying to get away from him. He then grabbed me by my hair and dragged me all the way upstairs into my bedroom, threw me on my stomache onto my bed, yanked down my pants and underwear and whipped me on my bare backside with his belt until there were plenty of red and purple welts. Then he raped me more violently than he ever did before.
I thought my life would end that night because I was so overcome by intense pain. I just don't know what to do. Can someone tell me what the bleeding from my rectum might mean? And it's so sore too. I wince when I walk and sit down lately and mom has noticed but I just make up some excuse.
Is it just because of him raping me or could I have a disease?
Could I die? I'm so scared. I can't do anything whe my mom might find out because she would be so upset and I'm scared that Dave will hurt her. If it's nothing serious but just normal bleeding and soreness from sex then I can put up with that but if someone thinks it could be a disease, then I need advice on what to do.
Go to the emergency room, tell the doctor what happened.
It is important they get DNA proof and proof of penetration. If not your step dad can deny anything happend and he will try to turn your own mother against you.
It is the doctor's legal responsibility to report this to the police. This man is sick and needs to go to prison where he can't get to boys anymore.
If you are worried about your mom's reaction, I think she will be first shocked, angry, maybe blaming you. Don't put up with it, in time she will be glad you did it.
Afterwards, it is indespensible that you recieve treatment for PTSD, or your life will be ruined for many years to come. Please don't neglect this part.
Charkee is spot on! You must report this monster to the police---follow Charkee's excellent advice! I must add something, however, since you are underage, the hospital may not want to check you without a parent or guardian present. Get out of the house and go to the nearest police station---the sooner the better. It's best to get there as soon as the rape occurs.
Don't put up with this any longer! Also, don't be afraid of speaking to your school guidance counselor if you can't get to the police station. By law, the guidance counselor will have to report the rape to the authorities.
I know I should call the cops. That is something I thought about because then they could put him in jail but do you think they might call my mom a bad mom and put her in jail too? I mean, she didn't even know but some cops say that the mom should have saw the signs. But it's my fault for making excuses and pretending I'm okay. I don't want my mom to get into trouble. And do you think he will go to jail for sure? I'm scared that he might not get jail time and then he could come after us. I am scared to do this but I know it's the only way to make it stop so I will do it but I'm mostly scared about my condition. I think I mainly want to tell my mom and the police just so I can finally go to the doctors to make sure I'm okay. I just know that my mom will be heartbroken though. She cares for this man but I know she will feel so guilty once I tell her but it's not her fault. I think I'm going to go tell my mom today so I can go to the doctor. I'm so scared as to what might be wrong with me because of the bleeding. I'm nervous to tell her(my stomache is queezy just thinking about it) but I know I have to then maybe she will call the cops so I don't have to. I will keep you updated when I can.
Listen, please...sad to say, there have been many cases where the mom didn't know the kids were being abused by the boyfriend/stepfather---and the moms didn't get into any trouble. Once the perv was out of their lives, the mom and the kids worked together to get their lives back in order. So...the thought of getting your mom in trouble should be the least of your worries.
As for going to the police---I'm not saying that you should put up being raped again so please understand that's not what I'm suggesting here. However, the best time to go to the police would have been as soon as possible after the rape occured. They would have gotten you to the hospital where a rape kit would have been used. The rape kit would have collected semen samples which would then get DNA tested. With DNA results, the perv couldn't deny what happened. Also, since you are underage, he couldn't even make the case that it was consensual.
Yes, your mom should know what happened. However, telling her while this perv is still living with both of you, may not be the best strategy. Not only could he deny it to your mom but you could face even worse consequences from him if your mom believes him.
Here's where it gets tricky. I do hope and pray that he doesn't hurt you again but if he does...be sure you don't bathe or in any way compromise the evidence. Also be sure to wear the same clothes you were wearing when the rape occured. Stay calm so as not to tip him off that you are going to the police. If you have a Cell Phone , take it with you and tell him that you are going out for a while (shopping, visiting a friend---whatever you need to say so you can get out of the house). Then calmly leave. When you get a good distance away, call the police. Tell them what happened and where you are. Preferably stand at an intersection on a busy street, if at all possible. If there are other people around, should he find you there he's not likely to cause a scene. When the police come, tell them to take you to a hospital so that a rape kit can collect evidence. No doubt, you will have to give a statement to a detective. Stress that you are afraid to return home while the perv is there. Also, let them know your concerns for your mother.
If you don't have access to a Cell Phone , then do one of the following: 1) If you know a nearby location where there is a pay phone, go there and call 911. 2) If there is someone you trust (a friend or neighbor) that lives nearby, ask if they will let you use their phone. 3) If you live within walking distance to the nearest police station, walk there.
It's very important that you go to the police. If he gets away with this, not only will he continue to harm you but he will also harm other boys. Also, if he is raping you and not using condoms, he is putting both you and your mother at risk for STDs.
Stay brave and know you're doing the right thing. The police or the hospital will give you and your mother referrals for counseling.
As a mother myself, I know that if I found out my child had been abused, I would have moved heaven and earth to protect my child. Trust that your mother feels the same way.
Also, please be aware that none of this is your fault!
My thoughts are with you. Best wishes as you work to get this perv locked up and out of both of your lives forever.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing these trust-shattering experiences. You've had some superb advice - ACT ON IT, NOW. Don't wait for "something" to happen or for someone to make the call for you. Call Child Protective Services, immediately, and they will contact the police. A full investigation will be conducted and this will include a physical exam. Retrieve any/all physical evidence that may still exist, if you can.
You're a brave person to put your experiences into words and your courage will see you through this horrible part of your life safely and securely onto your healing path. Something that you may want to keep in mind is that your mother is probably being abused, as well. She may be turning a "blind eye" to what's been happening to you because she's probably been threatened that you will be taken away from her, forever, if she does ANYthing that might get this rat-bastid into prison. This is a threat that many abusers use to make sure that there is no interference in their heinous activities.
Take heart, dear one. As I said, you're very brave and this courage will help you to process all that's happened to you. You did nothing to deserve it, and you're NOT a bad person because this monster did what he did to you. You are not responsible for the actions of another adult. This person did all of this to you because he could - that's the only reason. Now, get on the phone, contact CPS, tell them EVERYTHING, and you and your mother will be taken to safety, and the rotten catfish will be thrown into jail.
I agree. IT WILL MESS YOU UP FOR LIFE if you don't get this reported. DO NOT BE AFRAID. What charkee said is right. Make sure you let them know you are afraid for your mother's safety as well as your own. Knowing what you know about this dude, your mother will thank you in the end. Do it for both of you. If you get DNA from him get to the hospital as soon as you can. Ask a friend to take you. The hospital staff will understand how dangerous it would be for either your mother or her thing to find out before an arrest is made, but an arrest definitely needs to happen. Don't be afraid to tell them exactly what happened. Remember this is not your fault. This dude is sick for even thinking this is okay and he's just doing it because he thinks you won't be brave enough to report it. Sometimes they know how vulnerable you are and how afraid you would be to tell your mother. That's why he's doing it! If you can't get a ride to the hospital, find a teacher, scout leader, school counselor, or an authority figure or one of your friends parents you trust ... They are required by law to report it.
The blood is from tears in the lining of your rectum. They will test you for diseases at the hospital. No worries. You'll feel so much better once he's behind bars, trust me. You'll be doing a lot of people a favor. You don't have to put up with this.
How do I get a social worker? Will I have to have my Mom present to get one?
And yes, I am a fourteen year old boy. Why? Am I supposed to be a girl in order to use this site? Is this just for girl victims and is there an age limit for this site? I don't understand what you mean by 'tone'. I didn't know that this was for girls only. I'm sorry but I did a search for help on rape victims and this was one of them I came up with. I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to post here but I needed someone to talk to about this. I need help. If this is only for girls, can you tell me what site has help for boys who have been raped?
if u are smart and can really tell that he wont kill someone then i would make a plan to hurt him or threaten to tell pople wat he did. KICK HIS f***IN ASS INTO THE f***IN DIRT TILL HES IN HELL. u should tell ur mom and have him arested even though its embarissing and degrading its better then not getting help. its just another human u can outsmart him, dont be scared of him. DONT LET HIM RUIN UR LIFE. GET EVIDENCE OR VIDEO OF HIM ABUSING U NAD THERES all the evidence right there this man deserves to never live. i feel for u dont let him bring u down ur better then him hes not bertter than u hope the best for ur life
what u need to do is tell your mom. imso frekin serious (btw m 13) that man is rapeing u if you dont tell somebody it could get worse get rid of the problem now. its child abuse i dont think u can get a disase because its male on male and since u have a johnson ithink that u should go to the doctor because it might be a virus or something. uneed to tell ur mom like seriously. no joke no lie she can help u and the guy tht raped u is ass will be in jail.
Thank you all for your support and advice. Here's how the past few hard days have been. Last Sunday was spent trying to find the courage to tell Mom but every time I tried to, I couldn't get the courage or Dave was always around. Then I spent my time in my room picking up the phone & hanging it back up trying to find the courage to call the police.
Every time I picked the phone up, my heart would beat so fast & my stomach would get queasy. Then I just laid on my bed quietly crying because I was so mad at myself. At the dinner table, Mom noticed that I was upset even though in the past I've been able to hide it well. And as usual, I made up an excuse & just said I didn't feel well & asked to be excused. I wouldn't even make eye contact with Dave but I could feel his eyes burning on me.
I went back to my room & not even 10 minutes later Dave came up to "check" on me & he threatened me that I had better stop this moping around & instead make like everything's okay or else I'll be sorry. Monday night when Mom went to work, Dave raped me yet again. Because of the bleeding & soreness I was having, I tried so much to resist him this time but he was just too strong & I pissed him off as well. He raped me roughly in anger & the pain was unbearable. I think I passed out or something because I don't remember when he finished & got off of me. All I remember is finding myself on the floor. Ever since, my rectum had been burning very bad & still bleeding. I didn't say anything to Mom Tuesday morning and in fact tried to avoid her & Dave before I went to school.
In school is when I finally told someone. I told my best friend during break time, I guess because he's my age & I felt less ashamed to tell him then to tell an adult. I broke down crying in front of everyone but I couldn't help it. I went into the boy's bathroom to avoid any more stares & my friend followed me. He told me he had thought something was bothering me for quite a while by the way I acted & how I looked like I was in pain at times. He had asked me lots of times what's wrong but I wouldn't tell him. Now I finally couldn't take it anymore. He said I had to tell the police but I told him I couldn't find the courage to. He asked me what I was going to do and honestly I didn't know. So I left school like normal.
Then I couldn't believe it, the cops showed up at my house Tuesday evening just before my Mom was going to work and asked if a "Dave" was there and asked for me as well. They got an anonymous call that I was being sexually abused by Dave.(I found out later that my best friend's Mom called the police) Mom was shocked. They had a couple police officers questioning Dave and a female officer questioned me. That's when I finally told the police and Mom.
Mom started crying and ran after Dave and had to be restrained. She was screaming at him and the cops had to escort Dave away. On the way to the hospital, Mom kept saying "Why didn't you tell me when it first happened? Didn't you think I would believe you? Didn't you think I would kick him out of the house? I can't believe you think so little of me that I wouldn't have believed you. I can't believe you suffered through this for months without telling me. Didn't you know you could be hurt internally and need to go to the doctors right away?" I felt so terrible that I did this to my Mom. She was hysterical and crying.
To find out like this was bad enough and now I made her feel helpless and guilty. At the hospital, I got examined...it was an awful experience, that's for sure. It turned out that I had anal tearings, dilation, bruising and swelling of the anus.
The doctor assured my Mom and I the injuries would heal and I'd be okay. He gave me a healing cream and a stool softener and I'm happy to say that most of my STD tests came back negative. There are still a couple of tests that I don't know the results yet including the HIV one. I'm so worried about that one.
I'm relieved that nothing's seriously wrong with me but now after telling Mom and my friend, I don't know why but I feel sad. Maybe it's because my Mom cries whenever she looks at me now and she keeps saying she should have known. Our Thanksgiving was spent mostly in tears. She held me and we both cried most of the time. I feel so bad for my Mom because she finally found happiness & now she's heartbroken again. She made so many sacrifices for me & I just wanted her to be happy.
Now I feel like I turned her life upside down. She's alone again and she blames herself for letting this evil guy she thought she loved into our home. And now I'm also worried about when I go back to school that all the kids will know and I'll be so ashamed. I don't want to be called "homo" or "fag" but I know that's probably what some of those a**ho**s at school will call me. I'm glad I don't have to live in terror or endure extreme pain anymore but now I feel ashamed, guilty and don't even want to leave my house anymore for fear someone will be looking at me. I dread going back to school.
Why do I feel this way? Shouldn't I feel better now that Dave may go to jail? Oh, and Dave is denying the charges(even though his semen was found inside me during the examination). It might have to go to trial and I'm going to have to testify against him. I don't want to, I just want it to be over. I can barely get a night's sleep because I have nightmares.
Thank goodness some action has been taken on your behalf to stop this atrocity. I understand fully how much you feared doing the calling and telling. This kind of abuse paralyzes the victim... and we still live in a culture of ignorance which blames victims, but you must know above all that you are blameless. This experience will be behind you one day, though it does not feel possible right now. The strength of your character will be built from this and will unfold as long as you do not become what you hate ...