Oh dear Carlos, my heart goes out to you brother.
I earnestly know what you are going through, because I have gone through the exact same feelings many times over in the past. And I too felt like, Lord please just take me to heaven now, I can't take it anymore, period. !
And it was only my faith in God and thinking of the ones I love here on earth and I prayed and cried many times for strength and direction and that God would not let me go through more than what I could bare.
I suffered a full year off and on ( last year of starting in my 3rd stage of AF recovery) Took Valium, natural anti-anxiety pills, and still tried to follow a 100% pure diet and taking it low and slow with the suppliments, because they were backfiring on me. ANd that helped a little. It has taken me 2 years to achieve a 30-40% recovery, from 2% body functioning, where I could barely walk and have bad anxeity, depression, crying, severe lightheadedness etc. etc. etc. I stayed persistant with the program though and just concentrated on getting through one day at a time, I could only read and watch TV material content that was lighthearted and funny. And Psalms was the only book I could read. In desperation a year ago, I pleaded with my husband to take me to Ft. Worth TX to see a doctor from one of the Fibro. and fatigue centers, recommended by my past naturopath. We were still covered under my husbands insurance to pay for the expensive and extensive blood work, the first thing they did in the morning of my appointment. They took 8 viles and test results came back in full detail covering 8 pages. The doctor went over every word of the results, explaining and any questions I had, taking a full hour. That test was significant. It showed my cortisol levels were high at first, seratonin was extremely low, aldersterone very low, candida high, Epstein barr various carrier, high T3 and other things I can't remember all.
Putting me in natural hydrocortisone, even though my cortisol levels were high than, helped to re-calculate the feed-back loop from the brain to the adrenals, so I than got better regulated with my cortisol and when I did have stress of any kind, there was the extra cortisol to help my through and my own adrenals would not get so depleted.
Another life savor, was taking my vitamin C like a slow drip IV. This way my body readily accepted a very small intake, instead of being flooded with one or two large doses.
I use Twin Lab, "Super C" powder ( all whole food derived)
One tsp. contains 2,000mg. I put 2 tsp. into a large 16 ounce glass of water with half squeezed lemon and a little stevia, stir well and keep in the frig. and stick a straw in there and sip on it periodically thorough out the 18 hour day.
I believe when you are just so sick and nothing seems to be working, than I sought out with prayer and research to find a good doctor in this area, even if it was a 5 hour drive to Ft. Worth. Praise God, my husband agreed to take me, as he saw how crippling it was to my life.
Carlos, I will pray for you brother, and if you need to talk by phone, I could possibly call too.
As hard as it is and near impossible, try to keep a positive frame of mind and keep your mind off how you feel. When I'd feel real crappy, I'd sit in my big chair and read Country magazine or watch I Love Lucy, or try to do the dishes, but I had to do something or I'd go insane.At times taking a Valium was a life savor. ALso starting on 5-HTP helped some with the depression. It's hard to start something new when you feel so bad, and I was afraid to many times, but you won't know till you try and sometimes you have to get out on a limb and try something different.