Sorry if this is long, I have a sort of problem and I'd really appreciate help with it.
First of all a quick history. I am a true believer in LOA. It is reality to me and I have used it consciously and unconsciously all throughout my life (as we all have I suppose). Lots of experience there, I'm not a noob ;) or anything, so I am very clear on how it all works.
My problem is that I'm wondering what to do when you arent sure WHAT to focus on. My situation:
I am a writer. I am working on my first novel right now and I *know* this novel is GOING to be a success in one way or another. I believe in my talent and I truly believe I was born to write this story. It will find success, both throuh my use of LOA and just the fact that I honestly believe its my fate to write it. I have a very clear picture in my head of my success with this novel and I don't waver on that. I can see myself, in my mid thirties, good money, a beautiful cozy little home, working on my next novel or the one after that. I can see my life "in the future" and it's a good one.
My problem is, the NOW. My novel is a long way off of being done. I've been working on it for two years but it's my baby, and it's not something I want to rush through. I'm making good, steady progress on it but I'd say I'm only a little over halfway to being really DONE. So while I have that clear picture of getting an agent/book deal in my head, thats not something thats going to feed me right now. I need something NOW.
My situation is that I didn't work for a little over a year due to traveling, and then I moved to a new city, thinking I could get a job easily. I did get a job, but they only gave me two days a week, I barely make 50-60 bucks a paycheck. I applied EVERYWHERE and didn't know what to do, and was going hungry.. literally going hungry. I have celiac diease also which complicates things as I can't really go to soup kitchens or anything and am on an extremely limited diet (no corn, soy, gluten, or dairy). My celiac disease limited me a lot also as I can't be around these foods in any form, and that includes working at a restaurant that might have flour in the kitchen or in the air, its that violent an allergy.
So... being hungry and being about a week off of not making rent, I got desperate and took on a job as a cyber-stripper, or "webcam" girl. This job allowed me to survive these past few months, but it was brutal sometimes. I had to do some seriously hardcore things to make enough money to eat and pay my rent, things I'm not proud of. Being a stripper is one thing but this went way beyond that. And because there was so much I WASNT willing to do, I kept losing more and more money since there are girls out there willing to... well.. willing to do things you dont even want to know about for a few cents a minute. Thats not me. So I quit.
I quit, and it was stupid because now I'm in danger of being evicted. I've been applying for jobs all over the place, but I havent gotten anything and I feel negative energy is part of why.. I have the thoughts:
"Oh no! I'm not gonna make rent"
In my mind all the time, but what I DONT have is a clear picture of what I DO WANT! And why? Because I don't KNOW what I want!?
All I want is to be a writer. Thats a great dream but its a long way off, and its really my only dream. The fact of the matter is, even though I *need* a "day job" I don't WANT a day job. I want to just have money, live and write. lol I know this isnt realistic and its not that Im logically NOT willing to work. But in the deep part of me I don't *want* a crappy, boring, day job. All the jobs Ive had in my life have been awful, like cashier, serving, retail.. Ive never had anything above a minimum wage job in my life aside from stripping. So it's really hard for me to *want and attract* one of these jobs that make me so miserable!
So whats the answer? Attract a nice *day job* that dosn't make me miserable, right? think outside the box, right? I know this, but I don't know WHAT to focus on? Most LOA studies say you need a clear "picture" of what you want or need and I just can't get a clear picture together!
So, sorry Im rambling on so long but my real question is, do you think focusing on what I *really* want (a wonderful life as a successful and well paid novelist) all the time is enough to attract situations/people/jobs to help me GET there? Is focusing on the sorta life I want at 35 (I'm 27 now btw) something I should be doing? Or do I need to focus on the sort of life I want *for now* since that writers life isn't at all a possibility yet? And if I am supposed to focus on the now, how do I focus on what I don't know?
Do I just focus on what I want from a day job? Such as.. "It feels so great to have a day job that makes me not have to worry about money. It feels so great to have a day job that is flexible and where I can be my own boss" etc.
I find this hard to do without picturing exactly what I'd be doing at the day job, or where, etc. But I have like two weeks to find a day job or I'm either evicted or have to go back to being a cyber hooker! :( So if anyone could help point me in the right direction, Id appreciate. Thanks, peace love and good vibes!