Sorry if this is long, I have a sort of problem and I'd really appreciate help with it.
First of all a quick history. I am a true believer in LOA. It is reality to me and I have used it consciously and unconsciously all throughout my life (as we all have I suppose). Lots of experience there, I'm not a noob ;) or anything, so I am very clear on how it all works.
My problem is that I'm wondering what to do when you arent sure WHAT to focus on. My situation:
I am a writer. I am working on my first novel right now and I *know* this novel is GOING to be a success in one way or another. I believe in my talent and I truly believe I was born to write this story. It will find success, both throuh my use of LOA and just the fact that I honestly believe its my fate to write it. I have a very clear picture in my head of my success with this novel and I don't waver on that. I can see myself, in my mid thirties, good money, a beautiful cozy little home, working on my next novel or the one after that. I can see my life "in the future" and it's a good one.
My problem is, the NOW. My novel is a long way off of being done. I've been working on it for two years but it's my baby, and it's not something I want to rush through. I'm making good, steady progress on it but I'd say I'm only a little over halfway to being really DONE. So while I have that clear picture of getting an agent/book deal in my head, thats not something thats going to feed me right now. I need something NOW.
My situation is that I didn't work for a little over a year due to traveling, and then I moved to a new city, thinking I could get a job easily. I did get a job, but they only gave me two days a week, I barely make 50-60 bucks a paycheck. I applied EVERYWHERE and didn't know what to do, and was going hungry.. literally going hungry. I have celiac diease also which complicates things as I can't really go to soup kitchens or anything and am on an extremely limited diet (no corn, soy, gluten, or dairy). My celiac disease limited me a lot also as I can't be around these foods in any form, and that includes working at a restaurant that might have flour in the kitchen or in the air, its that violent an allergy.
So... being hungry and being about a week off of not making rent, I got desperate and took on a job as a cyber-stripper, or "webcam" girl. This job allowed me to survive these past few months, but it was brutal sometimes. I had to do some seriously hardcore things to make enough money to eat and pay my rent, things I'm not proud of. Being a stripper is one thing but this went way beyond that. And because there was so much I WASNT willing to do, I kept losing more and more money since there are girls out there willing to... well.. willing to do things you dont even want to know about for a few cents a minute. Thats not me. So I quit.
I quit, and it was stupid because now I'm in danger of being evicted. I've been applying for jobs all over the place, but I havent gotten anything and I feel negative energy is part of why.. I have the thoughts:
"Oh no! I'm not gonna make rent"
In my mind all the time, but what I DONT have is a clear picture of what I DO WANT! And why? Because I don't KNOW what I want!?
All I want is to be a writer. Thats a great dream but its a long way off, and its really my only dream. The fact of the matter is, even though I *need* a "day job" I don't WANT a day job. I want to just have money, live and write. lol I know this isnt realistic and its not that Im logically NOT willing to work. But in the deep part of me I don't *want* a crappy, boring, day job. All the jobs Ive had in my life have been awful, like cashier, serving, retail.. Ive never had anything above a minimum wage job in my life aside from stripping. So it's really hard for me to *want and attract* one of these jobs that make me so miserable!
So whats the answer? Attract a nice *day job* that dosn't make me miserable, right? think outside the box, right? I know this, but I don't know WHAT to focus on? Most LOA studies say you need a clear "picture" of what you want or need and I just can't get a clear picture together!
So, sorry Im rambling on so long but my real question is, do you think focusing on what I *really* want (a wonderful life as a successful and well paid novelist) all the time is enough to attract situations/people/jobs to help me GET there? Is focusing on the sorta life I want at 35 (I'm 27 now btw) something I should be doing? Or do I need to focus on the sort of life I want *for now* since that writers life isn't at all a possibility yet? And if I am supposed to focus on the now, how do I focus on what I don't know?
Do I just focus on what I want from a day job? Such as.. "It feels so great to have a day job that makes me not have to worry about money. It feels so great to have a day job that is flexible and where I can be my own boss" etc.
I find this hard to do without picturing exactly what I'd be doing at the day job, or where, etc. But I have like two weeks to find a day job or I'm either evicted or have to go back to being a cyber hooker! :( So if anyone could help point me in the right direction, Id appreciate. Thanks, peace love and good vibes!
You know, that emotional guidance scale helped me so much when I first began my EFT therapy. I don't think Id be the person I am now without it. I'd probably still be an alcoholic drug addict. I definitely want to do some EFT for this problem, but what exactly do you think I should tap on?
Even though I'm not sure what direction to take, I deeply and truly accept myself?
Did you scriipt for half an hour or more non stop? You need to let the words flow as you focus on the topic: "ME & MONEY" or "ME & WORK"
Be honest and open about how you really feel. This is about writing on the reality of your situation - "What Is." This is the time to recognise what your true feelings are about any subject and see what limiting beliefs come up.
At this stage, you DON'T want to be focusing on your vision of what you want to happen as that defeats the point of this exercise.) So, if you find yourself trying to make yourself feel better, pull back, because this exercise needs to be started at your most dominant vibrational set point.
Please do the above exercise first BEFORE reading back and seeing where your main emotion is on the EGS (emotional guidance scale)
Then list ALL the limiting thoughts that have bubbled to the surface.
That is what needs tapping on.
If you want, scriipt the 30 minutes or so live on the following post and I'll take a look at it.
Warning... a lot of anger! Obviously anger seems to be my primary vibrational set point here... sorry if any of this makes me sound like the biggest spoiled jerk ever... its not that I logically think all these things but in my free scripting this is what I came up with. I really appreciate your help!!!
"When I think about work I get angry. It makes me so angry that I should have to work for someone else, like a slave. I feel like there is no job I can do that I will like aside from my writing, and I feel like every job I could possibly do takes AWAY from my writing. There is no way I will have the time to work on my book and acheive my dreams if I have to spend my days slaving away at these horrible jobs. All of these jobs make me feel bad about myself and hurt my self esteem. I don't know what I want to do for a day job. My celiac disease makes me so limited that I'll never be able to do anything. Why is it so hard for me? It isn't fair! I'm so pissed off. I'm pissed off that my celiac diease makes it so I can't work in restaurants anymore like I used to enjoy. I'm pissed off that I'm so limited. I'm pissed off that I should have to work for someone else when I really want to work for myself. I believe in law of attraction but I don't believe that it can work for me since I NEED a job but I don't WANT a job. Im so pissed off. I'm so sick of this stress and misery. I want things to be the way they were when I didn't have to work and I traveled all over the world. I want my life to be on MY terms, doing what I WANT TO DO, doing things that make me feel good about myself and better the world. I want to start my own business but I dont see why anyone would hire me vs all my competition when I have such a terrible work history, have only had crappy minimum wage jobs or having been a stripper. I don't see why anyone would want to hire me at all. I'm a terrible worker with a low work ethic and a bad attitude. This isnt something I really want to change either. I feel like I have a bad attitude because I'm BETTER than working 10 hour days cashiering for minimum wage. I want BETTer for myself but I don't know how to get it! I do believe I have the drive and the attitude to find something better but I don't know what direction to move in so I just do nothing and complain all the time because Im so stressed out. I know thats stupid and I hate myself for it but Im angry at God and the universe because I dont know what Im supposed to do! I am angry that it came down to a choice between stripping or being homeless. Im angry that I had to do horrible things to get money to pay the bills.Im angry that I should have to sell chunks of my life to a corporation in exhcange for a measly, crappy pay. I'm angry that I KNOW I have the drive, intelligence and skills inside of myself to succeed in anything but I CANT FIND WHAT THAT IS! Im angry that I don't know what I want to do besides writing novels. Im angry when people tell me I should write for newspapers or other stuff and they dont get that 1) YOU need a degree for that 2) I dont really WANT to do that. Im angry because I know exactly what I want, I want to be a novelist/screeplay writer but I cant survive on that yet. IM angry because I want my time to be my own and have my own business but there simply isnt anything else Im passionate about enough to put the drive into making it happen. Im angry at myself for being the way I am and Im angry at God for giving me celiac disease and having me get so sick and destroy my work history for the past years of my life. Im angry that things are so damnhard for me when all I want is to be successful writer and make my family proud. I'm so angry that it should be this way. I hate it so much. All I want is a well paying, completely independent way to make money on my own time, me being my own boss, that I can work some hours and make the money and then have most of the day/week to write. Im angry that I dont have enough food to eat and that I cant afford good healthy produce that I want. Im angry that food, rent, clothing and everything else is so expensive. Im angry that this idiotic world bases everything around how much money a person makes and not whats in their soul. It makes me sick that Im looked down upon by some people because I never had the money or interest in going to college, yet I'm more educated by my own hands/reading/experiences than half of them. Im angry at the entire way society is set up. Im angry that when I do work they take a huge chunk of my paycheck in taxes. I dont even WANT to make money because I don't want to hand it over to some horrible government that funds overseas wars that kill thousands of people, attack their own cities, doesnt give us health care and doesnt even allow gay people to get married or marijuana to be fully legalized. Im angry! I hate this system and I don't want to be a part of it. I learned to not be a part of it for this past year, left the country and now I dont know how to re-enter this system! Im angry at myself because I know Im blocking out work in so many ways, and that its my fault but I dont know how to change the way I feel. I dont WANT to feel differently about these things so how can I tap to clear them? I don't want to NOT hate the government! I don't want to WANT to pay taxes or work a 40 hour workweek! I WANT to work for myself, be my own boss and be in control of my life and do something I feel good about but I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS and it makes me SO ANGRY!"
^^There it is... there's a lot. I'm not sure how to break it down into things to tap on... help would be appreciated!
If you really want to write for a newspaper, you DON'T need a degree for that! I have a relative who got a part-time job working for a small local paper and she never went to college. However, the pay won't be enough to pay the rent but if you did find such a job it can become a stepping stone to something better. How about freelancing? You can contact newspapers or magazines and find out if they take freelance articles.
I know your last post was for Maya but I just wanted to add the above info. Don't let your lack of a degree keep you from pursuing newspaper work. I wish you all the best.
I really dont want to.. lol. I know I'm limiting myself but that just isn't the sort of writing I do. I'm not a journalist or article or column writer or anything. I don't do good with assignments or short pieces.. I'm a novelist. Still, it's good to know that if I changed my mind about that or got to a different place with my writing later in life (which is very possible, its just for right NOW, I want to focus on my novels) that I wouldn't need a degree! That helps knowing that and I appreciate your response, thank you. :)