Forget 19 mon
It's going to be it this time.
According to research from Monell Chemical Senses Center, the hippocampus, caudate, and insula are partially responsible for cravings. They have more say over it than the reward center.
Third attempt for a fast. Starting at 3:47 a.m., February 9th, 2016. Tuesday.
Just forget. visit the page
Truth 19 mon
Havenít succeeded on a fast yet. Attempt 2. 5 days this time. So from Friday morning to Wednesday morning. My plan to succeed is detachment. visit the page
Eight Days 20 mon
I start afresh.
I wonder whether I should keep track of the number of times I attempted fasting until I succeeded. It would be interesting. How about let this attempt be number one. I am fasting eight days to next Sunday night. I plan to use my heart to fast.
Dear Lord, please make today a really good day for me. Please make it a really good week for me.
I know I will have the test of cravings. I am up for it.
Amen. visit the page
Reasons 20 mon
I talk to the Lord.
I donít have school today due to the snow. I am kind of happy that there is no school. At first I wanted there to be school, but upon finding that there isnít, I felt happy. I had a really good morning by reading and finishing a childrenís book, playing Dual N-Back, and doing my ritual, but I couldnít help falling asleep like always mid-morning, and I am kind of worried about it, because it will make me sleep at 2 a.m, tonight, and I have to get up at 5:40 a.m. tomorrow for school.
I donít feel like following my schedule now that I slept. I just feel like letting it all han ... read more
Good Morning 20 mon
Good morning, God. May I know you more and more and from knowing you, be good like you.
So this is it. Itís finally school day. Just took a somewhat cold shower. The glass didnít turn foggy this time.
I suddenly feel like listening to ĒGod GirlĒ by Jamie Grace. Itís so catchy. After listening to that, I will quiz myself on maps of the world and will try to get 100% accuracy all over,
Lord, bless the classes I am going to be in. Bless my teachers and classmates. Bless the school. Bless my family, and may they have a fantastic and pleasant day.
Lord, I am all in. Amen. visit the page
End of Day 20 mon
I wind down for the day.
Watched CrashCourse History. Learned how important fast-speed communication is, because news couldnít get around fast enough. Transportation is also important. Also knowledge, family, and faith. Slaves werenít allowed to read, because knowledge gave them power.
Wow, I think I might even want to eat one cauliflower bite right now. But I am not allowed to eat sauces. Itís so bitter. Nothing to do. Maybe if I occupy myself... Oh yeah, I am supposed to get broken, so no cauliflower.
What to do? I canít watch another history video. I want to sleep in twenty minutes. What to do for twenty ... read more
Realizations 20 mon
I am making it.
Listened to Christian hip-hop for the past two hours. Had two realizations. One, I got the picture of what fasting really is and why itís humbling. Fasting is breaking yourself, so thatís why itís humbling. You are going to get broken. Two, I am not a robot, obeying commands of the flesh.
Not sure what to do now. I will see whatís on YouTube. I have at least 50 subscriptions and never went back to them much except for one once in a while. My butt is hurting from sitting on the bed, so I will turn to the left. Yep, I just turned to the left. Still in the goldfish room.
OK, I just fini ... read more
Itchy 20 mon
When I was starting to meditate, my bladder was extremely itchy, so I gave up. I attribute the cause to drinking water before the meditation. I always thought I needed it and that itís good for you. It appears not so. My perfect plan of meditation three times today is ruined. But what I bought with this price is that I learned a little bit more about myself, so itís worth it.
Sitting in the goldfish room bed right now. Mind a little blurred when doing vocab on my phone. I wonder what else to do. I think I will listen to music. Maybe watch an educational video. Maybe listen to a sermon. ... read more
Moment 20 mon
I am making it.
Spent the past hour in momís room, quizzing myself on GRE vocab on her phone that was within armís reach. I donít know what Iíd do without her phone. Mom eating in the room made me want to eat. Itís hard but doable.
OK my mom just did some school business with me, which made me totally forget food. But still too distracted about the cravings in my tongue to read ĒThe Lost HeroĒ while standing. Plan to do vocab then meditate. visit the page
Test 20 mon
I am tested.
I want to eat yet again but I remembered to come on here this time. I lay it down at your feet again, Lord. I find peace in trusting you. Cauliflower, raw, doesnít taste that good. If I eat, I am only allowed to eat that. Haha, now the fun is all out of eating, so I am not motivated to eat anymore. From now on, for thirty days, all I eat is cauliflower. Gonna cope. Gonna read now. If I get distracted from reading by thoughts of food, I will listen to a sermon or watch videos. visit the page
Hardship Prayer 20 mon
I find solace in God.
I just feel unclean in the body right now. But I want to eat again. What to do? My heart feels too unclean from the stomach to remember. My heart feels drunk. Dear God, please give me strength. I lay my desire to eat at your feet. I humbly give it up to you. I can hear you saying my name, calling me to a higher calling. I feel your presence with me. I feel awe for the peace of your light and presence. I feel your motivational presence. I am lifted higher up. I know I can make it. Yes, I can! I am a God girl. I love you back, Lord. I want to reflect your peace. Let my heart always be peace. ... read more
Plans to Remember 20 mon
I want to inspire awe on my fast.
I just ate one block of tofu, a cup of boiled peanuts and kidney beans, and two chunks of raw cauliflower. I didnít even say grace before eating, didnít even go on curezone to write before eating like I said I would. I simply forgot.
Remember, remember, remember. Just remember.
God, I fast to inspire awe in myself and others as well as you. Amen. visit the page
Morning Prayer 20 mon
I pray and plan.
Thank you for giving me this wonderful day. Thank you for letting me finally sleep last night, but not sleep too much. Thank you for making me feel well-rested this morning. I see your love letter written to me everywhere. Oh, you are greatness, you are holiness, you are highest purity, you are highest love, you are welcoming me with open arms, you are honesty, you are highest virtue, you are highest integrity, you are utmost kindness, you are utmost compassion, you are utmostnempathy, you are highest wisdom, you are utmost seriousness, you are most glorious, you are most hea ... read more
Recuperation 20 mon
I pray a good night.
OK, I didnít read 60 PsyBlog emails. I read about 10. It was totally worth it. I learned that a type of brain training game could help with anxiety, depression, and bad mood, so I spent two hours playing games on my iPad. I also learned that changing your voice could change your mood. Happy and sweet voice=happy and sweet mood. So I changed my voice and became filled with happiness. Vegetables could help the brain to be five years younger but not fruits.
I am really tired. When I sleep wrong, my concentration gets really bad and I canít focus on reading for many days. So I better sleep ... read more
Update 20 mon
Recuperating. Plan to blog more.
Every time I was near food or almost thinking about food today, I remembered from the heart and didnít eat. It works really well until I got cold and thought I should eat to be warm. I was cold from the hot shower I took this morning. So no more warm showers. I think the next time I think I am going to eat, I better write in this blog. I could have planned to go outside in the cold and walk to get warm, but I didnít think of it. How could I not have thought of it? I need to talk it out. Itís harder to use your heart right after you have eaten. So I planned to start fasting tomorrow and eat ... read more
Speaking from the Heart 20 mon
Love is the panacea.
Not sure how this is going to turn out. I just want to try speaking from the heart for this blog entry. Here it goes.
There is no need to think anymore. Every time you ask a question to your problem, the answer is always love. Love makes the world go round. Love means faith, harmony, compassion, deep passion, standing for what you believe in. You wanna find how to fast? One answer. Love. It is the panacea. We just have to find out how to love. And beware, love is not lust, but sometimes we might love someone along with lusting, but the real test of love is how long thatís going to last. ... read more
Short-Circuit Thinking 20 mon
I think about short-circuit thinking. Signs I am spiritually higher.
I just learned last night that I have short-circuit thinking. It sounded about right. It describes me in the past, but I donít know how this person knew I had this just from a philosophical and benign saying I came up with that actually sounds deep. He says it occurs commonly among mathematicians who are trying to arrive at a point.
Did some research on this topic. Turns out it means being too emotional and not objective enough, not thinking deeply, critically, clearly, or proficiently. Maybe what I said was too short. Deep, one sentence ideas always come to me like this, sometimes help ... read more
Tomorrow 20 mon
No food tomorrow.
I just thought of something. I am willing to wait eight hours tomorrow for my craving to pass. I still want no food tomorrow. I know I was planning to be like God but didnít expect what was going to happen. Now I am prepared. I will be too distracted to read, but letís see whether I could watch videos. If not, I could pray or just lie still. Praying for eight hours sounds like an awesome way to pass time. I could pray every time I have cravings. I seriously forgot to pray before I ate today. In case I eat, I will pray. visit the page
Day 2 20 mon
Eating disorder easily cured. I could eat like this the rest of my life.
You know what? Even though I ate yesterday and today, I am still going to call it a fast. It will just be a non-strict fast. Today I ate about 8 grams of walnuts, one medium banana, and one roasted peanut. Thatís still eating very little, but the banana felt like a buffet or a banquet in my stomach. #21DC actually didnít ask for a water fast but a Daniel fast. But I am already a vegan, so itís easy.
Why I wanted to eat was because I suddenly had cravings and couldnít focus on reading and was just waiting it out. I thought there was no end to this waiting, so I decided to eat.
Thinkin ... read more
Being Like God 20 mon
I have to be Godly and keep my word.
Ate very little today. Ate a banana, an orange, and about ten bites of sautťed potatoes and celery. This has never happened before. I usually donít eat at all or volume binge. The volume binging is more often, about 96% of the time. But what stopped me from volume binging today was my thought to not commit gluttony so I could please God.
I know, I still ate. That just means that I have not thought it all out yet. Still confused about some things. I just had a thought several hours ago that I think will really make me fast. I thought about one characteristic of God, that he never not fol ... read more
Day 1 Matthews 20 mon
I love God. God loves me back.
So I am using the app #21DC on my iPad, and they have a challenge of fasting 21 days and reading the entire New Testament in that time. There are also 20 sermons.
Reading Matthews yesterday opened my eyes. I became recommitted to Jesus and gave myself a water baptism. I became a new person after the baptism and was more positive and gave up less. I found things to do instead of lying in bed, and I prayed more often. When I was impatient, I said, ĒGod, I have to be patient,Ē and I stopped being impatient. I usually gave myself a metaphorical headache by lying in bed, but now I am treati ... read more